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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm surrounded by CFs...

78 replies

rnccea · 29/01/2019 16:36

This maybe long sorry..
I have a 'friend' I met through my DD I have somehow landed my myself in a position where I am picking her DD 3 times a week from school, at first I didn't mind so much as I thought she was busy and she said she will return the favour. This has only been returned once. She practically invited her dd and younger ds for tea at mine a few weeks ago. I am such a walkover that I went along with it. Today 'friend' put me on the spot by coming to my house and asking if I could pick up her DD again as she urgently had to deliver something... Me being an idiot agreed. While at the school gates another mom approached me asked if I was picking up friends DD I said yes and she replied that 'friend' was sat at her house looking after her toddler and baby so she could do school run and keep the kids dry. I feel so pissed off and used that she lied to me and my toddler got soaking wet to.

Instead of taking her dd to mine as planned I took her back to 'friends' house which wasn't the plan as she was meant to be collected from mine. At her house her DM was sat there nice and dry with the you get DS.

I am a mug. DH says just say no but I seem to be incapable of doing so. This isn't the only 'friend' that I feel it's very one sided I think I must attract them! I somehow ended up looking after someone's child while they were at work for 6months. Another where I looked after her kids while her and her dh went for a meal. They came back at 1am..

OP posts:
rainflowerstar · 29/01/2019 16:37

The issue here is you. The word is simple NO.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 16:40

While at the school gates another mom approached me asked if I was picking up friends DD I said yes and she replied that 'friend' was sat at her house looking after her toddler and baby so she could do school run and keep the kids dry

I'm sorry I don't understand, whose kids was she looking after? So who could do the school run? Thr mum who approached you kids? And the gran was sitting in the other house, looking after the cf kid?

Inertia · 29/01/2019 16:40

CFs gravitate towards people who don't say no to them.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 29/01/2019 16:41

Listen to your DH.

And if that's really too hard, say "sorry, I can't today"

And it's not too late to cancel or change the regular arrangement either.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 29/01/2019 16:41

I agree that you just need to say “no that doesn’t work for me” every single time she asks you for a favour. Remember, she isn’t your friend; she is a CF who is using you.

Ladyoftheloch · 29/01/2019 16:42

You attract them because you can’t say no. Until you manage to overcome that obstacle, you will keep being used!

sue51 · 29/01/2019 16:43

Start saying no to yourself in the mirror then try it on the next cf who asks an unreasonable favour. Its easy if you try.

userschmoozer · 29/01/2019 16:44

rnccea
What do you want to do about it? do you want to learn how to say 'no'? Take classes in assertiveness training, read some books, and ask your DP if you can practice saying no to him.
Say 'no' to yourself in the bathroom mirror every day until you can do it without feeling any embarrassment.

'No' is not a rude word.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 16:44

It might just be me, but this reads like

Cf leaves her kid with granny,
Asks op to pick up her other kid
Goes to other mums house and baby sits her kids whilst other mum goes to school and collects her other kid.

Which makes no sense, why wouldn't she just get the other mum to collect her kid too as she was at her house anyway? Why involve you?

Miane · 29/01/2019 16:45

Consider what you think is going to happen if you say “no”?

Start small. Practice saying no to small stuff and work up.

Changedmynametoolikeyou · 29/01/2019 16:46

Have some ready to go phrases:

Sorry I’ve an appointment today

I’m afraid we’re in a rush today so I can’t

I’m very busy at the moment so won’t be able to help you for a while

No, that’s not possible today but could you help me out tomorrow?

Original poster
rnccea · 29/01/2019 16:46

Bluntness- my friend was at the other mum's house looking after other mum's children. If that makes sense?

I know I need to get a backbone and say no.

OP posts:
Changedmynametoolikeyou · 29/01/2019 16:47

Also Go fuck yourself you dirty great user is really effective.

Amore22 · 29/01/2019 16:48

Agree that 'no, that doesn't work for me' is very powerful! As a people-pleaser by nature, you have to work on using this without feeling guilty. Why should you and your dc suffer for her?

JarndyceVersusJarndyce · 29/01/2019 16:48

Cf's are great at sniffing out nice, kind people. Practice saying no.

User758172 · 29/01/2019 16:48

For god’s sake OP, stop whining and grow a backbone.

Stop complaining that ‘cheeky fuckers’ walk all over you. You allow it. You don’t say no. You don’t say it doesn’t work for you. So what do you expect?

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 29/01/2019 16:48

All these threads with cf school mum's! Just say no op,don't let her take the piss Flowers

ChasedByBees · 29/01/2019 16:49

So why didn’t the other mum pick up all the children? Did CF look sheepish at least when you arrived?

Original poster
rnccea · 29/01/2019 16:50

Bluntness that is what I thought. Friend actually lied to me and made out she was doing something else.

I realise how pathetic I sound in my OP but I other areas of my life I'm not a pushover!

OP posts:
Original poster
rnccea · 29/01/2019 16:52

I've not seen 'friend' yet she has messaged me to see if everything is ok.

I'm meant to be collecting her tomorrow but I will be telling her that I cannot do it any more.

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 29/01/2019 16:53

So she wanted to sit and have a cuppa whilst you ferreyed her kids home.Id have said something as soon as as saw her tbh

Mickeysminnie2 · 29/01/2019 16:54

Why would you not just say to the women, 'oh you can take her dd with you since her mum is at your house'
And you are a mug! Make a decision to not agree to anything until you have checked with your husband or anyone else as a way to give yourself time to stop and think.

Mickeysminnie2 · 29/01/2019 16:54

Sorry crossed post. How did you not see her if you brought her daughter to her?

HollowTalk · 29/01/2019 16:55

Send her a message now saying "No, I am not OK. You lied to me. I'm not going to be taking your kids to school any more so please don't ask."

Then I'd block her.

The thing is you are the only one suffering otherwise. You're being a martyr just because you can't say no. She can say no, can't she? She wouldn't do something she didn't want to do! You must be the same.

peachypetite · 29/01/2019 16:56

I can't believe how many threads like this are appearing. For goodness sake just say you have other plans and that doesn't work for you.