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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm surrounded by CFs...

78 replies

rnccea · 29/01/2019 16:36

This maybe long sorry..
I have a 'friend' I met through my DD I have somehow landed my myself in a position where I am picking her DD 3 times a week from school, at first I didn't mind so much as I thought she was busy and she said she will return the favour. This has only been returned once. She practically invited her dd and younger ds for tea at mine a few weeks ago. I am such a walkover that I went along with it. Today 'friend' put me on the spot by coming to my house and asking if I could pick up her DD again as she urgently had to deliver something... Me being an idiot agreed. While at the school gates another mom approached me asked if I was picking up friends DD I said yes and she replied that 'friend' was sat at her house looking after her toddler and baby so she could do school run and keep the kids dry. I feel so pissed off and used that she lied to me and my toddler got soaking wet to.

Instead of taking her dd to mine as planned I took her back to 'friends' house which wasn't the plan as she was meant to be collected from mine. At her house her DM was sat there nice and dry with the you get DS.

I am a mug. DH says just say no but I seem to be incapable of doing so. This isn't the only 'friend' that I feel it's very one sided I think I must attract them! I somehow ended up looking after someone's child while they were at work for 6months. Another where I looked after her kids while her and her dh went for a meal. They came back at 1am..

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 29/01/2019 17:09

I retired from Nursing over a year ago, l really liked the family l used to do respite for and offered to look after the children once in a while. I did it 3 times and the last time they really took the P. She came home at half 1 , l had to drive home on an awful road , Didn't get home till 2. I went there at 7. I arrived to the little girl soaking wet in her bed , the baby of 6 months screaming her head off in a shitty nappy, the Mum already on her way out of the door. The grandmother off out the door with her and said to me , 'you offered to look after them'. She was right l had , it was my own fault. l only had to refuse three times in all for her to get the picture. I am still friends with them but at a distance .
Be nice but be firm OP.

StealthPolarBear · 29/01/2019 17:10

There was a gran? I'm confused

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 29/01/2019 17:10

If it were me I’d be saying “No, not really, toddler and I are wet through. Decided I’ll just be picking up [your own DD] from now on, better all round.” Smiley face if it makes you feel better, but do not deviate from the message.

No is of course a complete sentence, but if you’re a people pleaser, not so easy to say.

DobbinsVeil · 29/01/2019 17:13

What time was she supposed to be collecting her DD?

Janedoughnut · 29/01/2019 17:13

I think I get it.

CF asks OP to pick up her child from school and look after her at OP house until CF collects him/her.

CF then goes to her friends house and stays there while her friend collects her own children. CF doesn't ask her friend to collect her own child as presumably doesn't want to be looking after her own child.

CF friend tell OP that CF is at her house looking after CF friend's younger children.

OP realises that she's been used and takes CF child to CF house and leaves CF child with CF mother.

I think!

Mrsmadevans · 29/01/2019 17:15

In the back of the net Janedoughnut

Original poster
rnccea · 29/01/2019 17:18

Sorry try to make this clear.

Friend lives 5 minutes from my house. She lives with her DM so gran, mum and her children all.in one house. School mum who I spoke to at the gates lives about 20 minutes from me.

Friend went to school mum's house to look after her children while her DM looked after her youngest child. I did not know this and was told she urgently had to do something.

I have no idea why she didn't get the other mum to collect her dd. My only idea is that she wanted some free time to have a chat and a cuppa!

Her dd was meant to come to my house but I went to friends house on the off chance her mum (the gran) which she was with friends youngest child.

OP posts:
Original poster
rnccea · 29/01/2019 17:20

Janedoughnut you explained if better then me!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 17:21

I have no idea why she didn't get the other mum to collect her dd. My only idea is that she wanted some free time to have a chat and a cuppa

But the other woman's kids would all be there, so that's illogical. Her daughter could just have played with them.

I'd ask her as I think there is some confusion here.

M3lon · 29/01/2019 17:24

Diagram please!

Or maybe a police board that tracks people's movements on the day of the crime?

Aeroflotgirl · 29/01/2019 17:25

She is nofriend but a user, time to hoik up your big girl pants and say no, even if she comes to you. Very cheeky and rude.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 29/01/2019 17:27

If you don't feel confident saying no to her face, why not say "I'll check my diary" next time you're asked, then send a text to say "no, I'm not able to help that day, sorry". And keep doing that until she gets the message

Melroses · 29/01/2019 17:27

Just say no, you urgently have to deliver something...

creamcheeseandlox · 29/01/2019 17:30

She not really a friend is she...

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/01/2019 17:32

Send the text now if you’re supposed to pick her dd up tomorrow. Bite the bullet (it’ll only seem worse the longer the build up) and also it gives her less chance of wiggling out of it saying it’s too short notice.

I don’t really get the ins and outs but I get that she’s taking the piss so do it now. Then you can relax and enjoy the evening

Star81 · 29/01/2019 17:36

I would definitely make her aware you know she lied. Totally unfair and unkind to lie like that

Yulebealrite · 29/01/2019 17:37

Time to get your assertiveness sorted.

You don't have to be nasty. Just say no and mean it.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/01/2019 17:43

OP you do know as soon as you say no you will out live your usefulness to the CF? She will drop you like a stone in an instant and wont feel bad for doing it.You will get ignored and not a thank you for all you have done will ever pass her lips.Win Win situation for you ...get on with it and tell her no one pulls a stunt like that on you and she can find someother mug to do her dirty work....end of problem.She won;t even look your way again so you will not have to deal with her...Go on be uncomfortable for 5 mins then you have won!

MakeItAmazing · 29/01/2019 17:44

It's simple. Non friend, Wendy, looked after HER friends, Samantha, kids while OP, Lovely Lady, picked up Wendy's kids and spoke to Samantha. Who picked up her other child.

Holidayshopping · 29/01/2019 17:50

So CF left one child with her mum, told you to pick the other and then went to her friend’s house so she could have a cup of tea with her and all her kids?! How bizarre.

Why did the other mum tell you? Does she know her friend is a Cf or was it a ‘ha ha-she’s got you where she wants you!’?

Show us your text before you send it and do it now so it gives her the evening to see it.

BambooB · 29/01/2019 18:03

Stop doing it then

TowelNumber42 · 29/01/2019 18:21

What happens in your brain when the word "yes" comes out despite you being mugged?

BrusselPout · 29/01/2019 19:27

Friend 'are you ok?'
You, 'not really, I feel you took the piss a bit today, probably best that you pick your own kids up from now on'

(And ps why didn't the other mum just take her daughter back to mum??)

ILoveAllRainbows · 29/01/2019 19:55

Yes, as pp said, why did the other mum tell you?

redspottedhankie · 29/01/2019 21:48

i suspect "friend" was telling the other mum about what she had done and she didnt find it as funny. She probably told you as she thought it was out of order. Sorry op - some "friends" are just massive cockwombles Flowers