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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends boyfriend commenting on photos

92 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 29/01/2019 12:44

I feel I am being unreasonable here but please bare with me, I have some negative self esteem issues which may have triggered my annoyance.

Me and 2 friends got dressed up to go on an evening out and took a nice photo before hand. Friend said she was going to send the photo to her DBF (dear boyfriend). He replied to her message and said "you all look great" and the friend showed me this message in a "aww look what DBF has said". As she was showing me another message popped up from him to her saying "but you look the best obviously".

I didn't say anything but was I being unreasonable to feel put out by the unnecessary comment... I felt a bit awkward knowing someones DBF feels the need to 'rank' attractiveness and comment on it.... I mean obviously he will think she looks the best but does he have to say it to everyone's detriment.

OP posts:
3out · 29/01/2019 13:23

Life must be extremely exhausting for you OP if such an absolutely normal interaction between a bf and gf has upset you so much. You sound quite paranoid, and extremely anxious. I hope your GP is helping you (I mean this sincerely, it’s not a dig at all). I hope you all had a nice night out and that the comment didn’t overshadow the whole night for you.

stonecoldfoxx · 29/01/2019 13:24

@LittleMissUnreasonable

Ach he probably didn’t think she’d show his reply to her pals and he hasn’t been unkind Smile

BUT...you have reminded me of the time I was getting ready at my friend’s house years ago (was probably about 18/19) and we came downstairs and her mum said to my friend (her daughter) “oh my goodness you look so beautiful just absolutely stunning. Doesn’t she look amazing stonecoldfoxx?!” We were only going out to a club but I felt a bit rubbish about it. I mentioned it to my own mum who said she’d never have said to me in front of a friend and left them out.

My friend is absolutely beautiful btw...did modelling etc but it was so weird!!!

Beerflavourednipples · 29/01/2019 13:24

Huh?!

I tbjuggt this was going to be about the boyfriend making inappropriate comments on your photos!

Of course he is going to say, 'but you look the best'! He isn't 'ranking you' FFS, he is her boyfriend! Do you think that by going out with her and not you he is ranking you?

He is hardly going to say, 'you all look great but your mate looks the best' is he?! 😂

babysharkah · 29/01/2019 13:24

Of course he goingto 'outranker her above you'. If you were the GF and he had said anything different that would be another thread.

You need to get a grip, really, self esteem issues or not.

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 29/01/2019 13:26

He's hardly going to say, "You look Ok but your mate Tessa. I would!"

Come on OP get a grip.

Tweety1981 · 29/01/2019 13:26

It’s ok to feel down sometimes , try not to be so hard on yourself .

CallMeVito · 29/01/2019 13:26

Confused No wonder there are so many AIBU posts when people react like the OP on completely random and weird subjects...

and why MN is even more entertaining than the DM

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 13:27

Oh my.

Of course he thinks she looks the best, and shoild think this and it's lovely of him to tell her, he's her boyfriend.

You're not in competition with her op for her boyfriends attention.

BambooB · 29/01/2019 13:27
Hmm
kalefire · 29/01/2019 13:30

Yes OP a bit unreasonable Grin

If this makes you feel better I met up with a friend I hadn't seen for years yesterday, while I was with her DH called and on saying goodbye to me she shouted out

"Bye Mr Kale, love youuu!"
He said "Bye Kale Friend love you toooo"

Then hastily added
"BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE KALE!!"

This kind of thing is light hearted and Normal (in my circle of friends at least Grin)

PutyourtoponTrevor · 29/01/2019 13:33

I have absolutely definitely read this on here before

MrsEddieEdwards · 29/01/2019 13:35

Posters jumping on you for this aren’t making you feel great either, I would imagine?

Yes, it was a little U of you but seriously, don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure you all looked amazing to unbiased people Grin

vickylondon · 29/01/2019 13:37

it is a relationship so don't feel pressured to have to please people who are settled

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 13:38

Are you seeking some help op?

Your reaction is not normal, it smacks of possible envy that he thinks she looks better than you (which he should) and that instead of understanding his text was about her, you felt it was a dig at you. But more than that, it shows a lack of understanding of adult relationships.

He clearly is not ranking anyone, his message was not about you. Or the others, none of Whom he has any interest in, it's about her.

A normal reaction would be, "ah that's really sweet, he's totally loved up isn't he, what a nice guy" not feeling he should perceive you as as attractive as her. That's a very wrong reaction.he shouldn't.

Halloumimuffin · 29/01/2019 13:38

I'm absolutely loving rocket surgery

RitaConnors · 29/01/2019 13:41

“I mean obviously he will think she looks the best but does he have to say it to everyone's detriment.”

He wasn’t aware that you were looking at her phone. It was a private message to his own girlfriend.

Crustaceans · 29/01/2019 13:43

I hope you didn’t let this affect your night out OP.

You’ve realised you were being silly (we all are sometimes). Next time you can (at least try to) just write this off as standard couple stuff. And remember that he did say that you all look great.

Butterfly84 · 29/01/2019 13:43

OP, are you having help/counselling?

I'm sure you did both look great and your friend was showing you that text from him as it's a nice compliment for both of you. She didn't show you the next text on purpose as it's a private sort of couple comment. He wasn't being mean to you, he was just trying to make his girlfriend feel good.

Collidascope · 29/01/2019 13:52

OP, you've reminded me of being a bridesmaid for a friend. The groom did his speech and did that dreadful obligatory thing of saying how beautiful the bridesmaids looked (weird how the best man's looks aren't commented on, isn't it?) and then added, "not as beautiful as the bride, obviously!" Everyone laughed and looked at us, the bridesmaids, to see how we'd take it. I remember that slightly winding me up (didn't help that I already disliked him). The fact that our looks were being commented on in the first place, the fact that we were then publicly ranked, however jokily, and then fact that everyone else then felt compelled to see what our reactions were to the groom finding us less attractive than his new wife (we were heartbroken, obviously Hmm).
But I do know what you mean. It isn't particularly nice to know you're being ranked.... It does sound though like a throwaway compliment to his girlfriend.

FurzeandHarebells · 29/01/2019 13:57

It isn't particularly nice to know you're being ranked...

But you weren’t being ranked and neither was the OP Coll.

In neither of these scenarios did the men care in the least how the other women looked.

Collidascope · 29/01/2019 14:00

In both situations, the men made a comparison. It wasn't "my wife/girlfriend looks beautiful". It was "my wife/girlfriend looks better than her friends." That's a ranking and it's unnecessary.

londonrach · 29/01/2019 14:01

Yabu. It be strange if he hadnt said that. Personal message to his girlfriend

deydododatdodontdeydo · 29/01/2019 14:22

LittleMissUnreasonable seems an apt username.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 29/01/2019 14:28

Fair enough Jackson. Than it’s not odd Grin

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 14:36

It isn't particularly nice to know you're being ranked

Gosh, you're not supposed to be looking as good as the bride. The compliment was to her, it wasn't an insult to you.

I do wonder how some folks get through thr day.