How to fill your life with no friends?

[Grubsmummy]

Hi there, this isnt really an aibu so plz delete if needs be, I'm just looking for advice and a chat.

Im 34, a sahm of 2 school children. We don't have a lot of spare cash and i cant work for various reasons. We have a nice comfortable life though.

My problem is that I don't have friends anymore. I used to have school friends who I no longer see. Then I had work colleagues who were aquaintencies, so I don't see them anymore. I have school mum "friends" who I chat to at school and on social media and I'm happy with that because Im not really a friend person. I'm not looking to make friends.
But.... My days can get awfully lonely. Each day is like groundhog day. I clean the house, maybe go to the supermarket, and walk the dog. That's my entire existence.

What can I do to fill my life and give it more meaning than it has now? I'm just a mum and wife and noone else really knows I exist! I don't have any hobbies as I'm not talented in anything such as crafts, painting. I don't do sports. I can't pay to do things so I'm out of ideas. Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated

For me it’s work. Not sure what else I’d do. Maybe some volunteering.

Are you well enough to volunteer op? Even if you fund raise from home. Working for a cause that is close to your heart can be very fulfilling.

You could find out what evening classes are available in your area?

Although you say you have no hobbies, you could try something and see if you like it.

Can you volunteer, maybe something to do with your children’s activities so you don’t have childcare problems?
There are lots of volunteer befriender roles to help other lonely people, I’m sure someone will be along soon with all the web links, good luck. I think there us a Mush app where you can meet other people.

Or perhaps study or learn a language? There are some good free on-line courses available? Or would that be too solitary?

Maybe look at some groups/ hobbies or get a part time job.

Yes volunteering is a great idea.

Also have you tried the Meetup app? A good way to meet new people and a lot of the meet ups are either free or cost very little.

Study?

What did you do with your free time before you had children?
You don't mention siblings/parents/in-laws. Do you have a relationship with them that you could develop?
Why not try creating a moodboard with images of how your ideal day/week would look? It might help you dig deep for ideas.
If you are fit, could you do dog-walking for others in the middle of the day? Money, exercise and structure to your day.

Volunteer. Help in a charity shop one morning a week. Volunteer to help at a kids activity such as brownies or rainbows, especially if your kids attend. Ask their school if they need a little volunteer help for things every so often. Help the homeless by working in a soup kitchen or an old folks home once a month. Offer yourself to a befriending service.

Reading. Join a book club. Do some classes of some kind, maybe a language or creative writing? Libraries. Discover your family history.

Explore the world. Pick a country and explore their culture, food and history. Make this into a project to do with your kids.

Look at pinterest for ideas of things to make - who cares if you're "no good", just do it and enjoy the process. Fill your day with some activity of some kind, even if it's a solo pursuit.

There's a website called Meet Ups where you can find like-minded folks to chum you on walks, visits to stately homes, museums, even weekends away and holidays. You don't need to be friends with the people who accompany you on outings, just civil.

@DandilionBreak
"Explore the world. Pick a country and explore their culture, food and history. Make this into a project to do with your kids. "

I absolutely love this idea...definitely doing this one!

It's one of my favourite things to do! I spend hours on Google maps looking at the country and researching online the things that I find. I've never focused much on one place myself but it would be an amazing project to do with kids if you did. Plus you get to eat some really delicious food!

Swimming, yoga, walking group?
I’d look into studying part-time maybe.
Can you get involved with the school? Parent council or classroom volunteering?

You don't need to have talent to have a hobby. I take a pottery class and I'm utterly rubbish but I enjoy it and like talking to the people there so that's enough.

Just realised you said you have a dog! That’s a good excuse for getting out and about, explore new areas or see if there’s a dog walking meet-up group nearby.

Btw, op, I know you say you are not good at crafts or painting, but is there anything else creative that you enjoy (baking, photography, growing plants, writing)? Doing something creative really ticks the fulfilment box (I find anyway) and there is a vast choice of creative things to do that don't involve crafts..

Where to get part time job in swale

Are there any local amateur dramatic groups around that could do with a hand? Could be something as simple as basic drudgery (steaming the costumes, for example) but I can tell you from experience that being backstage is so much fun. I do the odd stint at my local theatre working as a dresser when they need extra hands, and have worked on UK tour productions of the big musicals. Whilst the pay is rubbish, it's so much fun and such a buzz. You just have to follow your instructions carefully, be quick, in the right place at the right time and not get in the performers way.

there’s absolutely no way you could work, say, 16 hours a week? Work is such a good way to meet adults who aren’t attached to your children or motherhood in some way. Even volunteering is a good way to spark some chat and camaraderie

Can you walk your dog in places where other dogs and their owners go? It's one of the best ways I know to get into conversation with other people. And echoing book clubs, volunteering, evening classes...

OP do you have a garden? Is it big enough for a veg patch? Ours is teeny but even a large pot can grow veg. We have a "longest bean" competition every year, with each family member having their own bean plant (four plants work nicely in a large pot, with a teepee of bamboo stakes). of course there's nothing much happening at this time of year, but that's when I play with the seed catalogues...

My father is going through the same things as you OP: he doesn't want friends or mix socially, but his days are long and boring. He lost his wife (my DM) a few ago and has never recovered his mo-jo. I suspect depression. Would that be possible for you too? Mild or moderate possibly?

You say (like my father does) that you're happy without friends but at the same time say you're lonely. I believe even the loners amongst us need social contact. It's a basic wellbeing need. Until you realise that need in yourself, value and accept it, then you probably won't be able to open the door to new experiences. Because that's all you need to do to stop feeling lonely: open the door and accept others into your life.

After being at home for 10 years volunteering totally changed my life. It fits it perfectly around my family, I do as little or as much as I want and I've made some lovely friends, who I even meet up with for coffee or meals out.

My mental health was battered being a SAHM ( it's so dull!!) and the difference is amazing

@DandilionBreak my DS2 would absolutely love doing that too!!!

That does sound lonely. What about a local choir, way more of laugh than it sounds! Or go to yoga/Zumba? I used to go to book club which was free other than price of a cuppa!