How to fill your life with no friends?

[Grubsmummy]

Hi there, this isnt really an aibu so plz delete if needs be, I'm just looking for advice and a chat.

Im 34, a sahm of 2 school children. We don't have a lot of spare cash and i cant work for various reasons. We have a nice comfortable life though.

My problem is that I don't have friends anymore. I used to have school friends who I no longer see. Then I had work colleagues who were aquaintencies, so I don't see them anymore. I have school mum "friends" who I chat to at school and on social media and I'm happy with that because Im not really a friend person. I'm not looking to make friends.
But.... My days can get awfully lonely. Each day is like groundhog day. I clean the house, maybe go to the supermarket, and walk the dog. That's my entire existence.

What can I do to fill my life and give it more meaning than it has now? I'm just a mum and wife and noone else really knows I exist! I don't have any hobbies as I'm not talented in anything such as crafts, painting. I don't do sports. I can't pay to do things so I'm out of ideas. Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated

Could you study in a field that interests you whether it be with Open University or a local college. Or volunteer as others have suggested. National trust properties ask for volunteers with gardening for example.

Can you crochet or knit? Just basic skills can create blankets for Woolly Hugs, you can do it whilst watching telly, listening to audio book or podcast, the hours go by, it's actually quite soothing.

You've calmed your mind, filled your time and created something so useful and meaningful for charity and the individual it goes to. It gives some purpose to the loneliness.

www.woollyhugs.org/

Macrame is currently very 'trendy', you could learn the skills and make some things to sell on Etsy

Do you like singing? There are so many choirs about now.

What about getting a qualification in an area you'd possibly like to work in - in the future? I know you said you can't currently work, but that might change.

I did a Master's when my DC were small as we'd moved shortly before DD was born (for DH's job) and I wouldn't have been eligible for maternity leave if I found another job. It was great, mentally stimulating and I met some interesting people - but I didn't feel pressure to make friends with them unless I wanted to, we worked on some projects together.

It also meant that when I was job hunting again, I had a brand new qualification to show off! I did it part-time and it took just over three years.

Even if you don't want to find a job, learning something new always gives you a sense of achievement.

I'm in a similar position. Can't work due to illness. I do housework when I'm ok, supermarket etc. I knit, bit of sewing. Listen to audiobooks. Do you like reading? Libraries often have free service to lend books /audiobooks online, no fine if you don't return them on time, they just expire. You just need a library card & a mobile device.

On line free courses (MOOCs) might work well for you. There is a huge variety available, so you will surely find something of interest to you. Have a look at the Future Learn web site for ideas about what is available. You work at your own speed and at convenient times for you, so there is no pressure.

Another idea is gardening, have you got a garden? If not perhaps there are local allotments? It needn't be expensive, a few packets of seeds for a country garden style border or a row of salad ingredients won't cost a lot.
Or you could make a container herb garden?

Although you say you don't want to make friends, you do mention your lonely days, isolation, and that you want to give your life more meaning.

Something to consider might be a befriending project to help older people in your area. Age Concern or an internet search would be somewhere to start.
It mainly involves popping in regularly, once a month or so, for an hour or two of chatter with an isolated older person, though all the schemes are different.

You sound so lost Grubs, I do hope you find what you are looking for. You are on a quest to find yourself...

Thank you very much everyone for your comments and suggestions.
As a pp says, I didn't actually mean I get lonely. There's not really time to get lonely. My house is loud and full of fun mornings, evenings and weekends. What I actually meant is that I am bored.

I have my parent's and a grandparent local to me who I see a couple of times a week.

Im going to have a look into some free online courses to do whilst the weather is cold.
Then when summer comes get out and about with my puppy (we've only just had him) and then go from therr

You sound exactly like me except i am quite happy 'pottering'.

As soon as i've dropped the kids off at school i walk the dog for an hour.
Then i have a coffee browsing the web.
Next i do a bit of cleaning.
I also have a few blogs/facebook pages that i write.
I earn about £100 a month doing some online work - website testing,surveys etc. This is my blog if you want ideas.

In the afternoon i'll get tea sorted/read/craft.
Then it's usually time to pick the kids up.

I also volunteer one morning a week.

So based on one of your posts you're quite happy in your own company but bored. I would either 1, do anything that you just feel like doing. Doesn't matter if it doesn't last, then try another thing. Or 2, get a qualification in something that interests you, whether it be to a local college or learning from home or the OU. It might turn out one day to be of use to you. Alot of us, including myself think there will be 'so much more time, when the children are older', when in fact it doesn't always work out like that! So if you could study/train now, it will benefit you later on.

Interesting. You meant to say 'bored' in your post, but it came out as 'lonely'. I think there's more to explore here. 🕵️‍♀️

Study. Volunteer.

I find socialising quite difficult but I find interaction with others for a purpose much easier. You can talk about your shared activity rather than make small talk. A short course, hobby group or volunteering could offer that. I find the WEA useful for interesting courses.

What is the WEA?

Workers Education Association

Adult colouring? I love that.

Could you maybe get a pen pal? Ive had a few and it’s been really fun writing letters and making friendships with people in other countries. I even went to visit one in Germany a few years ago. My sister also had a penpal whose on death row in America (not sure i’d ever do that but she uses the writeaprisoner website).

You say you have a puppy. What about training classes for him/her? Gives you a project (practising outside classes etc) and the pup the best start in life.

Depending on the breed / dog’s inclination and ability, maybe you could look into agility, fly ball or CaniX when it’s older. It doesn’t have to cost a lot.

If you're comfortable, how come you can't pay to do anything that interests you? Or if you don't have any spare cash, there are many things you can do to earn a bit - even if a full time 9-5 is not an option.

The Open University does some free online learning courses. There are forums where the students can all chat to each other

I had a bit too much to drink one night and posted on my village community page and said I was new (which I kinda was) to the village and looking for friends. I would NEVER have done that under normal circumstances, but you would not believe the response I got! Loads of people commented and I made a few really good friends and a lot of acquaintances. I am so glad that I did it and it paid dividends for me. I feel like a part of the community and it's quite lovely.

Put yourself out there and you will probably find lots of others in the same position as you.