Was this TA throwing my son to the wolves??

[DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS]

I'm fucking livid but there's a back story with her so I may be getting irate too quickly.

YES I will speak to a teacher about the 'truth' but there's my 7 year old son doesn't have the capacity to 'think up' this ultimatum.

To DS - "Did you do [naughty thing]? Admit it now and you will miss 5 minutes off your play. I'm going to ask Freddie if you did [naughty thing] and if he says you did you will go on the thunder bolt"

Thunderbolt being the worst thing ever for 7 year old, meaning going to the head teacher and your parents are called. Thankfully Freddie said my son never did the thing.
But this TA seemed determined to land my son in it anyway.

More to the point the school has been unable to help him. This is the sad thing.
I feel like there should be something else, but what?

It depends on what the school have tried already and what’s available locally. An assessment by the Ed Psych if there hasn’t been one already. Then outside agencies e.g. CAMHs or other support services.

Well, there's a finite amount of time in the day. The TA could probably have used different words, but your op really really wasnt the end of the world. It certainly isn't worth discussing with the ht. if every parent wanted to discuss every tiny thing that isn't 100% perfect for their child with the HT, she/he would have zero time left to help Freddie.

Sometimes the child is referred to an inclusion service, which will initially involve someone coming into school to observe, then suggest strategies.

If school still aren’t managing, the child might go to a short stay referral unit, with a view to more intensive behaviour management, then a reintegration back into school.

Sometimes this doesn’t work either and a new placement will be found.

The child’s needs are central to this process.

On to your second point, which is completely different from your op, how is it any of your business? Why would the head teacher be discussing with you their strategies for someone else's child?

Has he been excluded temporarily in the past OP? Usually, they would start with internal exclusions, daily external exclusions and increase from there if no improvement. Ed psyches cost the school about £300 to observe a child for 30 mins and write a report telling you what you already know, at least that's my experience.
Ultimately , the school has a duty of care to the other pupils and the staff. they would be supporting the child too but budgets are so tight. We have no money to employ staff to support chn like that and so TAs end up doing it whilst also trying to support the rest of the class and other duties.

On to your second point, which is completely different from your op, how is it any of your business? Why would the head teacher be discussing with you their strategies for someone else's child?

It's my son's best mate/bully. But at no point have I asked HT what strategies she is using. And I don't intend to.
I was asking on here, Mumsnet.

Yes, sorry, I read your intentions wrong. My apologies.

No external exclusions but internal ones I believe. I may be wrong there though.

Gah. I never want to work with kids again because some parents are so intense and weird.

I would be very surprised if the head spoke to you in any way about another child’s needs. It is against the law.
You could always offer to volunteer to work in school so that you can impart your obviously superior behaviour management skills to staff. Or, you know, realise how ridiculous you are being given the context of a full school day and all that entails.

Until we figure out what we do. Why do you think you're part of the process of figuring out what to do with Freddie?
There's more issues around this than I realised. I can't believe the head would be telling you anything other than what you absolutely have to know. Whatever problems Freddie is causing, he's got a right to confidentiality. I've worked as a 1:1 with some challenging children and I've never known a head to give anything more than reassurances to parents that the utmost is being done to keep their children safe. The only head I knew who was inclined to blab ended up getting removed by the LA.

FYI Op, if you any hopes of getting Freddie chucked out, dream on. It's much cheaper to keep him in mainstream. We had a child in our school who every member of staff agreed was the worst behaved child they'd ever seen, with multiple issues. The LA did absolutely everything to keep him in the school and kept patting our poor head on the back for her (our) efforts.

Without an EHCP a specialist setting won’t be an option anyway

Wowzers. The HT told me the child's life story and I want the child chucked out of school, apparently.

Of course!

That sounds very unprofessional of the HT. My DD1 (9) has attachment difficulties due to being adopted. If the HT were to tell another child's parent her life story DH and I would be livid, and would be making a complaint. Totally not on.

The HT did nothing unprofessional at all.

Freddie attacked my son and she reasurred me that she was having a meeting about it to help Freddie.

Any information I have about Freddie isn't from her.
At no point on here did I say that the HT told me information about Freddie. We discussed the incident and how it was handled by the TA and we discovered another child's involvement and it was a whole lot messier than either of us realised.
No one was unprofessional or broke any confidentiality rules.

And I do not want Freddie kicked out of school!

I can see how me saying that I felt sorry for Freddie and asking how could the school help him, as me wanting to get him kicked out.