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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this TA throwing my son to the wolves??

92 replies

DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 16:05

I'm fucking livid but there's a back story with her so I may be getting irate too quickly.

YES I will speak to a teacher about the 'truth' but there's my 7 year old son doesn't have the capacity to 'think up' this ultimatum.

To DS - "Did you do [naughty thing]? Admit it now and you will miss 5 minutes off your play. I'm going to ask Freddie if you did [naughty thing] and if he says you did you will go on the thunder bolt"

Thunderbolt being the worst thing ever for 7 year old, meaning going to the head teacher and your parents are called. Thankfully Freddie said my son never did the thing.
But this TA seemed determined to land my son in it anyway.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 28/01/2019 16:49

Fancy calling a trip to the Head as "going on the thunder bolt" Confused. Not very professional or likely to instil trust between pupil and teacher.

Wolfiefan · 28/01/2019 16:49

Endure it
Crossed
Throwing to the wolves
Emotive much?
All the time? How much does your child get into trouble with this member of staff? Every day? And no one else involved?

DaphneFanshaw · 28/01/2019 16:51

I am so glad that I don't work in a school anymore.
What with all the bright, vivacious but well mannered precious darlings vs the crap TAs who continuously throw children to the wolves every day by lying and punishing them for the sins of others.
Op, you should log it with 101, ofsted and the pope, then book yourself a spa day.

Waveysnail · 28/01/2019 16:53

Mine are 5 and up and they could easily make up the ultimatum

Original poster
DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 17:04

Seems a hell of a lot of power to be handing to Freddie, who would have had massive incentive to lie if he was up for making a bit of trouble

Indeed, and Freddie was already in big trouble at this point having attacked my son and another kid.

My son went to the classroom where he got himself into a state because he was convinced Freddie would say he did 'it' because Freddie was in trouble.
I'm thankful that Freddie didn't say this of course.

To answer the above question, I don't think she has a vendetta against my 7 year old. I think she's shit at her job.

OP posts:
Original poster
DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 17:05

Mine are 5 and up and they could easily make up the ultimatum

How does that have any bearing in this situation?

OP posts:
greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:18

She will deny this and make her own version,

Can you be sure your 7 year old son is not making his own version? I am a TA and see very regularly, chn telling parents a completely inaccurate summary of events.

marymarkle · 28/01/2019 17:21

Honestly given OPs way over emotive language for what is a very minor issue, I suspect the OP has very unrealistic expectations.

GreenTulips · 28/01/2019 17:21

Do you have full details of what happened before hand?

cariadlet · 28/01/2019 17:24

I really don't understand what there is to be "livid" about. Something naughty seems to have happened. The TA didn't witness it but was trying to get to the bottom of what happened.

She offered him 3 choices:

  1. Say that he didn't do it (because he didn't) - supported by others, no punishment
  2. Admit that he did it - miss 5 minutes of playtime (pretty minor punishment)
  3. Deny he did it, but get found out because of witnesses - bigger punishment.

Seems pretty normal to me. It's standard both at home and at school to tell children that lying makes things worse. I don't get how that equates being determined to "land (your son) in it."

MissEliza · 28/01/2019 17:25

She's probably just shit at her job. I actually get pissed off and amazed in equal measure at how many people get jobs in schools despite having no clue how to manage behaviour. (I'm a LSA)!

Fairenuff · 28/01/2019 17:25

What many 7 years olds fail to realise is that adults talk to each other. They are often shocked and embarrassed when faced with two adults who have had entirely different stories told to them and are expecting an explanation

Ime children tend to be more honest with teaching staff than with their parents. They are used to lying and turning on the tears for their parents. It's a natural way to manipulate, they don't consciously do it, they just do. Whereas with staff it's often much clearer and they tend to fess up. Which is good because staff know that they can believe the children the majority of the time.

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 28/01/2019 17:25

Maybe Freddie should have been put on the thunderbolt.

greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:26

Imagine if your child was hurt or badly treated by another child, wouldn't you be glad the TA was trying to get to the bottom of it?

greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:27

What many 7 years olds fail to realise is that adults talk to each other. They are often shocked and embarrassed when faced with two adults who have had entirely different stories told to them and are expecting an explanation

This

PattiStanger · 28/01/2019 17:31

If you genuinely think the TA has a vendetta against your son (and not everyone who works in a school is a model professional) ask for a meeting with the HT or deputy and calmly discuss the situation.

LadyRochfordsIcedGusset · 28/01/2019 17:32

Daphne Grin.

supersop60 · 28/01/2019 17:33

I'm presuming that the Thunderbolt is some kind of cushion or chair that they have to sit on/in and await the Headteacher?
In my DC school, they had to go to the fishtank (right outside the head's office)
I think that there are good and bad TAs - this one doesn't sound great.

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 17:35

I think you are overreacting massively and I am normally really sympathetic to the "your child OBVIOUSLY lied" pile ons on here.

NailsNeedDoing · 28/01/2019 17:36

I actually get pissed off and amazed in equal measure at how many people get jobs in schools despite having no clue how to manage behaviour. (I'm a LSA)!

Is it any wonder though when they're paid little more than minimum wage and many have never had any formal training at all? Most parents would be horrified to know how much actual teaching is done by TAs, ime, it's significantly more than it should be.

I'm still struggling to see what this TA did wrong though. All she did was tell a child that if he did 'naughty thing' and then lied about it, it would be worse than if he did naughty thing but told the truth. That's perfectly standard. She then continued trying to work out what had happened, and hopefully did find out who did naughty thing. Ops son wasn't punished because he didn't do it. Where's the issue?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 28/01/2019 17:37

I know it’s been asked already, but it hasn’t been answered. Did he end up missing 5 mins or did he end up not being punished at all.

Also, just because he doesn’t have the capacity to make this up from scratch, it doesn’t mean he’s recounted it in exactly the way it happened.

NailsNeedDoing · 28/01/2019 17:39

SupersopThe thunderbolt is probably a picture of a thunder cloud and a child's name is written underneath it if they've done something they shouldn't have. Often accompanied by a sunny cloud where a child's name will go if they've done something particularly good. Loads of schools have similar.

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 17:40

Some primary school TAs make Stalin look easygoing tbf.

greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:45

Helpful comment Art

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 17:45

As was that Grin