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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this TA throwing my son to the wolves??

92 replies

DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 16:05

I'm fucking livid but there's a back story with her so I may be getting irate too quickly.

YES I will speak to a teacher about the 'truth' but there's my 7 year old son doesn't have the capacity to 'think up' this ultimatum.

To DS - "Did you do [naughty thing]? Admit it now and you will miss 5 minutes off your play. I'm going to ask Freddie if you did [naughty thing] and if he says you did you will go on the thunder bolt"

Thunderbolt being the worst thing ever for 7 year old, meaning going to the head teacher and your parents are called. Thankfully Freddie said my son never did the thing.
But this TA seemed determined to land my son in it anyway.

OP posts:
greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:46

I am a primary school TA so it's not nice to read comments like yours that have nothing to do with the thread.

toomuchtooold · 28/01/2019 17:47

Freddie was already in big trouble at this point having attacked my son and another kid

Ah OK OP, so it was more a matter of him (partially) redeeming himself than covering himself in glory...

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 17:49

Don't be silly,greenpop. My comment wasn't aimed at you, assuming you're not Stalin.

Cheeeeislifenow · 28/01/2019 17:54

But did he get in trouble...

greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 17:55

Hate TA /Teacher bashing on here. The way teachers and staff are pulled apart and judged on dealing with every day , mostly petty squabbles, often in the middle of a lesson whilst simultaneously keeping an eye on the other 29 kids and trying to impart some knowledge!

Beeziekn33ze · 28/01/2019 17:55

Freddie sounds quite a character.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 28/01/2019 17:55

There's no way a child of this age could repeat verbatim what was said hours before. He's not lying, he's saying what he thought was said but it is 100% not accurate. Even the TA would be hard pressed to remember the exact words said.

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 17:56

Don't be so daft greenpop, people are allowed to ask about issues at school without it being "teacher bashing." OP needs to chill out, though.

MitziK · 28/01/2019 17:59

Maybe Freddie had said that your DS had done something really bad, which is what led to the incident - and she said exactly the same to him, which got the truthful response that yours hadn't really?

MaisyPops · 28/01/2019 18:00

greenpop
There are millions of teacher bashing threads on mumsnet. On the whole, this thread isn't one of them.

greenpop21 · 28/01/2019 18:01

I'm not daft or silly Art thank you. There is often teacher/TA bashing on MN. Parents who can't possibly comprehend that their child has misbehaved and has tried to make themselves look innocent.

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 18:03

More often than not the poster is told their child is a liar and teachers are worked to the bone tbh green

(Teacher here. But also a parent.)

Fairenuff · 28/01/2019 18:09

Years ago I worked with a 7 year old boy who had started misbehaving at home since his little sister had been born. The reason he gave his parents was that a child at school was being mean to him.

When the teacher spoke to him about it he said he had no problems with children at school but that he hated his little sister. He wanted to hurt her but knew he shouldn't so he was breaking things at home and hitting his parents instead. He felt very angry with them.

However, his parents would not believe this when told by the teacher and they asked him to tell them himself. He reverted back to his story about a child in school being mean to him.

So there you go. Completely different scenarios but because he was 7 he thought he could make up a plausible reason to get himself out of trouble and instead got himself in a bit of a pickle.

Artfullydead · 28/01/2019 18:14

What an incredibly insightful 7 yo.

marymarkle · 28/01/2019 18:19

But nearly all parents insist that they know their child best and so will not believe things like this.

Original poster
DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 18:29

I just spoke to the HT. There's more issues around this than I realised, and there's more to this than she realised so it's going to be ongoing until we figure out what to do.

Aside from this I can someone with knowledge help me with something?

If a primary aged child has real issues, anger, attention etc etc ongoing, hurts other kids and so on, and the school have tried many different methods to help him but it begins to appear the the issue is beyond the capabilities of the school.. what happens? How is that child helped if it begins to appear to be beyond the schools capabilities?

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 28/01/2019 18:31

I'm not an expert but I believe that the school would be failing in their safeguarding duty if they don't keep other children safe from the one that is hurting them.

I'd go back to the school and ask them how they are going to keep your child safe while they decide what to do

LondonElle · 28/01/2019 18:36

Wouldn’t think anything at all of this, would genuinely not give it a second thought, Your child will have to deal with far worse in his childhood and adult life... it’s something and nothing.

rytonsister · 28/01/2019 18:39

They would need (school) to get Ed psyche involved id say as a first option.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2019 18:42

I guess you could help the child (Freddie?) by not pursuing complete nonevents as in your op, thus leaving them time to deal with real issues.

caughtinanet · 28/01/2019 18:47

Now that the OP has found out that a child is hurting others I'd say it's more important to follow up with the school about how they are going to keep the class safe.

Original poster
DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 18:48

rytonsister I believe that happened sometime ago.

arethereanyleftatall how is ime discussing my ongoing issue with a TA to the HT going to be at all detrimental to Freddie?

OP posts:
LJdorothy · 28/01/2019 18:48

Have to admit I was hoping for something a bit more exciting from the title of the OP. Disappointingly, there were no actual wolves.

Original poster
DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 28/01/2019 18:49

I haven't just found out that kid is hurting others.

The kid has been hurting others since the first day of reception. This is a long and painful issue.

I just wondered what the school could do for him. I feel sorry for him, he has a really nice side but is clearly very troubled and kids end up on the receiving end of this.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 28/01/2019 18:50

Hate TA /Teacher bashing on here.

To be fair, it is a site where people post problems so if there is a teacher thread it’s unlikely to be something good about a teacher, and others will post if they have had similar experiences. I expect if you asked for positive teacher stories there would be plenty of them. Just like any other walk of life, there are good ones and bad ones.