He won’t get a STD test

[Nc2201]

My dp has had some worrying symptoms with his testicles for the last week. Bad pain in the area for hours at a time (although it does subside), notable redness and swelling along with those attacks. He also has abdominal pain with them. Initially he was sent off to a&E to check for testicular torsion but they thought it was unlikely and so referred him back to the GP. The gp has ordered an ultrasound and urine tests but having read about the symptoms I would like us both to get tested for chlamydia/STDs, as these particularly chlamydia can cause testicular pain and swelling. It’s an awkward topic because we have been together 2.5 years and we are monogamous, but I know that chlamydia can be dormant for a long time and it doesn’t have to mean cheating. We both got tested about 5 years ago before our previous, 2.5 year monogamous relationships- but I have no idea if dp’s ex was tested, and he has said before he suspects she cheated before they broke up. He says he finds the GUM clinic a horrible experience and is very reluctant to go or even do a home test. I am happy to do one or go to the clinic. I want to rule out chlamydia etc because those conditions can have long term serious effects even if symptomless.
AIBU?! I feel like he is being childish about the GUM clinic and whatever infection or inflammation he is experiencing there, could affect me too as we have unprotected sex. He said that’s me being “selfish” but I’m thinkjng of both of us! I don’t get why he won’t just do a test. 5 years is a long time between testing anyway isn’t it?
AIBU please

The GP can do a clamydia test. Get yourself done.

If you're both monogamous and trust each other then there's no need for regular STD tests. If you think he's cheated, I think you should just go ahead and get tested yourself without telling him. If you get the all clear then it's very unlikely he has it too as chlamydia is so easily spread.
If you have it, then you'll have your answer. Good luck.

I'd go and get tested myself. If you're clear then chances are so is he but I'd also be refusing to have sex until he went and got properly tested and find out what's causing the swelling.

No, you are being entirely reasonable and I’d get checked myself anyway.

Sorry to ask but how certain are you his fidelity?

Sorry, did you mean he thinks he picked something up from his ex before he got with you? You should have got tested a long time ago, but it's better now than never.

You can buy a self testing kit for chlamydia in Superdrug - presumably he’d be ok to do that if it doesn’t involve going to the clinic?

Get yourself tested anyway. It's odd he is so against having an STD test done if he has nothing to hide. Did he have his kidneys checked?

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/chlamydia-test-kit.html

Well, if I were you I'd just get tested myself and there will be a high chance you will know his status aswell as your own.

Are you sure the GP didn’t offer / perform a chlamydia & gonorrhoea test on the urine sample? It ought to be something they do - maybe worth calling to check and dropping in a sample, saves a trip to the GUM clinic.

YABU for not both getting tested before have unprotected sex the first time in your relationship!!!

The gum clinic, I think most go by sexual and reproductive health clinic these days, are used to being with delicate situations and are very professional. You should both go and get checked. If he won't then you should. I'm surprised if a GP would not test for STI's though under the circumstances though!

I don’t know. I’m not that impressed about his attitude to the gum clinic. I’ve never asked him to go before, eg when we started having unprotected sex. For me it’s not a big deal. Hopefully the urine sample includes several tests.

And yes I know we should have got tested then :/ We were both in monogamous relationships before and had been tested before/during those so I guess it seemed unnecessary but I know that was dumb.

If he had any respect for you and your health he would go, even if it's only to give you peace of mind. Surely he knows that some S.T.I's can lay dormant for years before showing symptoms?
Anyone who shows such a blatant disregard for someone's health isn't worth being with IMO.
Definitely a sex ban until it's done or the heave ho if it isn't.

Can't you do it by post?

as he's been to A and E and the GP, surely they will have thought of this? I would be very surprised if they haven't done tests on his urine etc.

That's an easy solution. He gets a test or he doesn't have sex?

He said that’s me being “selfish” but I’m thinkjng of both of us!

How is it "selfish" not to want to contract a venereal disease? This guy sounds like a dick.

For me, it'd be simple. No test, no sex and I'd be re-evaluating our relationship.

Get yourself tested asap, if nothing else, for your own peace of mind.

I have now ordered a home test for myself. If you have symptoms they advise you go to a clinic instead but he has just said he thinks it’s included in his urine test from the gp. So that’s good.

Just get a home test ordered as others above have already suggested. Quick and easy!

But seriously you are both adults. Going to a sexual health clinic shouldn’t be a big deal. You said he’s done it before so why is he so reluctant now? That’s what what concern me........

Me and dp both got tested before we first had sex, even though I’d been in a 15 year relationship and him a 12 year one. We could both say we hadn’t slept with anyone else, but couldn’t 100% say the same for our partners, who could?. (We were both negative for everything).

But personally I’d get you both to the clinic and tested for everything, rather than just a home kid for one STI.

You can get a home test, they are expensive but saves going to the clinic.

I think maybe the jmplication for some people is that you suspect cheating if you want them to get tested so he’s offended or something. I actually have never mentioned cheating or anything of the like. I think I just know more about how STDs work and I’ve no judgment, I just think we are prob overdue a test - and he’s the one with symptoms down there!

The OP says the GP hasn't done any tests yet.. I'm confused.

Gp 'ordered urine tests'- does that mean OP your partner has already peed in the pot for GP and the results are awaited?

It sounds odd that the GP sent him to A&E rather than doing some basic tests first, though torsion would be very dangerous so maybe that was his thinking?

He needs the full range of tests including gon and syphilis, and of course chlamydia.

I'd have thought it was standard to test for all this anyway.

Are you sure he's been to A&E and the GP?

Sorry but there should not be any ‘thinking’ about it. He needs to phone the surgery and ask if his sample is also being tested for STI’s. To know for certain. One simple phone call.