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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving DC to another country- pregnant with foreign man

70 replies

MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 20:29

Would just like to know if an ex can stop a woman (who is pregnant with new partners baby) from moving to new husbands's country with their DC to raise the baby there as a family?

Sounds complicated but I hope I've made myself clear.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 27/01/2019 20:32

Your ex can make an application to the court to prevent you from removing his children from the country if he believes you're not going to come back with them or if he knows you're going to move abroad.

chuttypicks · 27/01/2019 20:37

Yes he can stop it. Why would you even dream of doing such a thing? Taking your children away from everything they know, including their Father, so you can go and live with a man in another country. Supremely selfish.

aethelgifu · 27/01/2019 20:40

Yes, the ex sure can. And I'd certainly hope so because any parent who would do something to stupid and put her kids at such risk doesn't deserve to have them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/01/2019 20:44

Sure he can. How would you feel if he moved your shared children to a different country?

Topseyt · 27/01/2019 20:44

Yes, he can. He should too. What a selfish thing to be thinking of doing.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/01/2019 20:45

Does the ex see the kids? What age are they? This strikes me as a terrible thing to do

LemonSqueezy0 · 27/01/2019 20:47

He can definitely stop you, abd ultimately go to court for a judge to decide. You'd have to have a fantastic reason that meant they would be better off being separated from their father.

Any chance the dad-to-be can move to the Country you are all already in, so the old family isn't destroyed for the sake of the new one?

Drogosnextwife · 27/01/2019 20:48

Yes he can and he should, how would you feel if he took your dc to live in another country with his new partner and new baby. Very selfish of you.

keepingbees · 27/01/2019 20:48

If he has PR then you can't remove his child from the country for more than 28 days.

NotANotMan · 27/01/2019 20:50

Yes he can and he should. Why would you think of doing that to your children?
You realise if you want to come home at some point in the future the new man might stop you taking the new kid?

negomi90 · 27/01/2019 20:50

Can and should.
I wouldn't want my kid going to live in a foreign country with my ex and someone I don't know.
You are vulnerable having a child in a foreign country with no local links, presumably no employment or separate source of income if something goes wrong in your relationship. Add in kids from another partner.
I'd raise holey hell if I were your ex.

Gazelda · 27/01/2019 20:51

Wouldn't it be better for the new DH to move to be with you and the DC?

Merryoldgoat · 27/01/2019 20:53

Providing there’s no abuse etc I think this would be a supremely awful thing to do.

Evilspiritgin · 27/01/2019 20:53

You really should’ve thought of this before you got pregnant

Onglue · 27/01/2019 21:01

If he has parental responsibility he has to give his permission, or it would be seen as abduction and the children can be forcefully removed and returned to the UK.

The same thing could happen to the new baby, if you split from your new partner and wanted to move back to the UK.

It's an international law called the Hague Convention as far as I recall.

Leeds2 · 27/01/2019 21:01

Assuming your ex is a decent father, with regular contact with DC, then yes, I think you WBU to move abroad. If I were the father, and my ex proposed moving abroad with my DC, I would take every action possible to stop you.
Why can't your DH move here?

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 21:05

MamanSportif the other thing is that were you somehow able to move abroad and have the baby in the other country, your new partner might well be able to prevent you moving back to your home country with the child you shared with him. Why would you ever risk that?

If your partner met you here and has lived with you here, he can carry on living with you here, can't he? Why the need to move? I must say I would never move myself and the kids to another country and run the risk of being stuck abroad and not able to return to my home country.

Please think very carefully, whatever happens with your ex, who has every right to stop you moving, think about being stuck abroad if the relationship goes south!

Onglue · 27/01/2019 21:11

Exactly italiangreyhound I actually know someone this has happened to, it's heartbreaking.

Fusioluxe · 27/01/2019 21:11

If you have no ties to the country (family, specialist work or study) then it is highly unlikely that you would be able to leave if you could not provide the same level of contact for your dc with their father.

jarhead123 · 27/01/2019 21:14

Would make more sense for your new partner to move to the same country as you & your kids

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 21:20

Me too Onglue only vaguely. She is stuck there until the kids turn 18 I think but if one of them settles there she'd be very torn.

Original poster
MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 21:22

Ex currently sees child (6) one weekend a month, sometimes every 6 weeks if he cancels, which hes done more than once. He can be unreliable. History of abuse towards me, not child. No overnights because we're in the same city.

Husband wants us to raise baby closer to his family who I get on very well with. I speak the language fluently so can my child and in all honesty husband is more like a father to her than useless thug ex.

I can easily gain employment in this country as I've worked there when DD was 2. We lived there for a year with ex permission.

Ex hates new man. He can be vindictive.

OP posts:
silvercuckoo · 27/01/2019 21:25

You have to ask the court for what is called a "Leave to Remove". It is exceptionally hard to get (used to be easier), and usually involves very long and expensive litigation. I think, if the father can show that there is a risk of abduction, he can get legal aid.
I asked for a leave to remove the children from the UK to my home country (where one of them was born, they speak the language and there is a massive support network of friends and family), and the court refused it, even though the father was not even living in the UK - he still could block the move.

FuckOffMeadowSoprano · 27/01/2019 21:31

I think legally you cannot move your child to another country for more than 28 days.

If he went to the police they could have the child removed back to their country of origin.

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 21:32

MamanSportif your ex sounds horrible and I completely understand why you would prefer a life with new partner. However, speaking for myself I cannot imagine moving to a new country with my child knowing that if I want to come back my partner could stop me.

"We lived there for a year with ex permission." Can you look into the legal presidence of this, I mean from professionals not just Mumsnet. I can really see why you may want to go but the idea of being stuck there if the relationship breaks down or ending up with children in two different countries seems scary. also, will your DP be as nice in his country, close to his family and his culture. Could you do something temporarily to see how it works out?

In the nicest possible way, people can change. I am sure your ex was not a thug when you dated. Please get professional advice. Good luck.

silvercuckoo oh that is so sad. Thanks

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