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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving DC to another country- pregnant with foreign man

70 replies

MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 20:29

Would just like to know if an ex can stop a woman (who is pregnant with new partners baby) from moving to new husbands's country with their DC to raise the baby there as a family?

Sounds complicated but I hope I've made myself clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 21:32

Thing is, if that ever happened I think he would let her come back to me. He would never give up work to take care of a child has just too lazy and useless. He can't even cook.

OP posts:
Ladyoftheloch · 27/01/2019 21:33

They can apply for an order preventing you from doing this but courts don’t always grant this. Was a high profile Scottish case recently where the mother was allowed to move to Dubai with kids and new husband, despite the father trying to prevent it though the courts. If the court deems it’s in the best interest of the kids to be allowed to move, they will grant it. Your ex’s abuse towards you and his inconsistency in seeing the kids will be factors for the court to consider. They will also look at how easy it is for him to visit / them to go to him.

Original poster
MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 21:34

I would happily stay in the new country if the relationship failed. But I really don't see it happening. I've found a fantastic man, one who has taken DD on as his own.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 21:38

MamanSportif if he is the vindictive sort can sort of preempt this and work out the best way to explain it him so it sounds best for him!

I've got no sympathy for your abusive ex but I am worried for you, but then I am a very cautious person! Is the country you are going to one which would be safe for you to live and work in alone if you and new man did split?

Good luck.

Original poster
MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 21:40

Yes, France is a reasonably safe country.

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 27/01/2019 21:42

If he has PR then you can't remove his child from the country for more than 28 days.

^

Depends on the country, obviously

silvercuckoo · 27/01/2019 21:45

@Italiangreyhound
Thank you for the kind words. The UK is far from the worst country in the world to be trapped in Grin, but it is the feeling of being trapped that sometimes does my head in. I cannot understand why a father who cannot be bothered even to send a card for Christmas still has a legal power of veto over the children's country of residence, but what do I know.

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 21:46

I believe France is, I was wondering if it might be one of those places where your rights would be tied up in your partners's rights, IYSWIM. France is also, for the most part quite close!

TeacupDrama · 27/01/2019 21:53

if you moved it and it was allowed you would almost certainly be responsible for bring other kids back to see their father regularly and probably financing that too I think from france you would probably be expected to bring them back 6 times a year every half term and half the other holidays are you prepared to do that and finance it, I don't think he would be expected to travel to see his children though he could
people go to france for long weekends all the time so it would be seen as reasonable for them to come for 3-4 days at half term or any short holiday though not a normal weekend

SummerGems · 27/01/2019 21:54

Yes. And I know someone who this not only happened to as in she was refused leave to remove the child from the country, but her ex was granted residence of the child as part of the court case.

Purpleartichoke · 27/01/2019 21:58

I don’t believe the courts should permit moving a child away from a parent unless
There are extraordinary circumstances. Your new guy being from another country should not count.

I would fight tooth and nail to prevent my child being moved away from me.

Rtmhwales · 27/01/2019 22:02

Do you have a court order for parenting time already? Is DDs father listed on her birth certificate? You're pretty much guaranteeing a legal struggle if you go without his permission, it's considered kidnapping.

Original poster
MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 22:07

No court order, arranged ourselves.

Yes he's on the bc

OP posts:
Islands81 · 27/01/2019 22:08

So if I understand correctly he currently sees her about 12 times a year, for just the day, if he doesn’t have her overnight?

Could you sell him the idea that you promise to fly back for one weekend a month with dd, and get an Airbnb overnight? He could then see dd on both Saturday and Sunday if he wanted. It wouldn’t be any different to how it is now for him.

ChariotsofFish · 27/01/2019 22:09

Could you offer to bring your daughter back to the UK once a month so he still sees her the same amount?

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 22:09

silvercuckoo that does sound utterly unreasonable and totally sounds like a controlling tactic on you.

Re "Was a high profile Scottish case recently where the mother was allowed to move to Dubai with kids and new husband, despite the father trying to prevent it though the courts. If the court deems it’s in the best interest of the kids to be allowed to move, they will grant it."

I wonder if anyone would be willing to move to Scotland and try Scottish law.

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2019 22:10

"...like a controlling tactic on you by your ex...

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 27/01/2019 22:16

OP for your own sake you are better off having your new baby in this country then moving immediately afterwards. You have already had one
failed relationship with a man who turned out to be unpleasant to you, and while this guy is currently the bee's knees you could layer fall out with him for any reason.

In the meantime get your other child's father to agree to allow you to leave the UK and fly back at agreed times for access.

silvercuckoo · 27/01/2019 22:30

I would fight tooth and nail to prevent my child being moved away from me.
OP could move to Outer Hebrides, technically staying within UK borders and fully compliant with the law. France would probably be easier in terms of maintaining the contact though.
In your opinion, is there a radius which defines the area of permissible moves for the resident parent? Five miles? Fifty miles? Anywhere within national borders?

Schuyler · 27/01/2019 22:35

As it’s only France, would you be willing to continue facilitating the same level of contact?

Loseitandkeepitlost · 27/01/2019 22:39

Ex may also have views on other issues such as which country his child should be educated in. Visitation may not be the only concern.

I understand your reasons for wanting to move, but there is a fair chance the court won't grant you permission to do so.

TeacupDrama · 27/01/2019 22:56

actually you can try and get a prevention order even within UK so if you live in say Tunbridge Wells you may win a court case to stop a move to Outer Hebrides particularly if move was seen to be to primarily removing child from other parent, ie no job offer no family just wants to move but you can certainly get prohibited steps orders within UK not just moving abroad
there was a thread a while back about a parent who had moved with their DD the other parent had then also moved to be closer to their DD when the other parent wanted to move again they were considering action to stop the DD keep moving schools but I think they thought ex just didn't want them close enough to see DD on school nights and was trying to reduce the time DD spent with them but I have no idea what the end result was

kilburnfrenchie · 27/01/2019 22:57

Friend of mine moved overseas - within Europe, safe country, with her DS for work- agreed it with ex and he now comes once a month for a weekend to see DS. If parents agree it it can be done. Best bet if at all possible is to reach an amical agreement with the Ex. Realise this might not be possible..

silvercuckoo · 27/01/2019 23:01

actually you can try and get a prevention order even within UK so if you live in say Tunbridge Wells you may win a court case to stop a move to Outer Hebrides
How totally bizarre.
How did you know where I live? Grin [paranoid tinfoil hat smiley]

Maelstrop · 27/01/2019 23:04

Neighbour's granddaughter moved to Europe despite the father of her child not being happy. I think they made an arrangement so he pays no maintenance and flies out twice a month to see his daughter. It can be done.

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