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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moving DC to another country- pregnant with foreign man

70 replies

MamanSportif · 27/01/2019 20:29

Would just like to know if an ex can stop a woman (who is pregnant with new partners baby) from moving to new husbands's country with their DC to raise the baby there as a family?

Sounds complicated but I hope I've made myself clear.

OP posts:

Troels · 27/01/2019 23:13

Its' possible if he is a resonable person who wants to talk about it.
MIL took all her kids 5000 miles away, on condition she never asked him for another penny, he had little interest in the kids, but saw them often as they lived near hom and his mother.
Friends Ex wife moved to Australia with their daughter, he was going to fight it, but decided to just let the daughter move with new Step dad and the younger children. They are in frequent contact with skype/emails/cards etc.
How resonable do you think your Ex will be, he may surprise you.

TeacupDrama · 27/01/2019 23:17

silver cuckoo I have no idea who you are it was randomly made up just two places quite a long way apart that would stop EOW visits within UK even with flying as it is not possible to get from Gatwick to stornoway on friday after school as no flights late enough fly up Saturday morning don't arrive until 2.45 and then fly back sunday afternoon not arriving in Gatwick until 22.45 just nicely tired for school on monday
honestly EOW in Paris would be easier

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/01/2019 23:20

I've found a fantastic man, one who has taken DD on as his own.

She isn't his though and that it the point!

TeacupDrama · 27/01/2019 23:21

on a more sensible note I think moving a child so that at least EOW is not feasible is not good, ie no more than 2 hours for a young child possibly 3 for an older child
they should be able to travel there easily on Friday after school and be back either for bed on Sunday night or dropped at school Monday morning

silvercuckoo · 27/01/2019 23:24

silver cuckoo I have no idea who you are
It was just a clumsy joke from my side, please don't take seriously. Inspired with all the paranoia on Mumsnet about "outing oneself"

pinkdelight · 27/01/2019 23:37

Well sure your DP is fantastic now. You must've thought your ex was when you had dc with him. So it's sensible to have this dc here and not risk the situation where your new dc is compelled to stay in one country while you might very well - however much you like it now - want to come home if this relationship (how long has it been btw?) goes pears. Your ex may not be a catch but you picked him and he's your dc's father. It sounds like you're making a case against him to justify doing what you want to do because you're in love. I think at this point you probably have to be more careful for both your dc's sakes. Why can't you and new dp stay here? That's the obvious solution that doesn't uproot anyone or risk fucking anyone up in future.

Purpleartichoke · 28/01/2019 01:55

In your opinion, is there a radius which defines the area of permissible moves for the resident parent? Five miles? Fifty miles? Anywhere within national borders?

Where I live, courts generally go by a distance radius.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/01/2019 02:03

No over nights because you stay in the same city but he has her one weekend a monthish? Why would that stop a sleep over? Does he see his kid at the weekend but drop them off to sleep at yours then continue his weekend the next morning?

Iloveautumnleaves · 28/01/2019 02:39

He sounds sufficiently disinterested in DD that he might give his permission if you can sell it to him in some way...such as no CMS for as long as you’re living in france (& HE travels to see her when he wants to).

If not, try legally yourself, you won’t know if you don’t try.

Personally, I’d have the baby here first though.

pissedonatrain · 28/01/2019 02:48

Stay here and have the baby here since you both already are established here. I assume he has no other children?

How long have you been married?

Wouldn't your own family want to spend time with your DD and the new baby?

Does your current DH work a steady job?

France is close. His family can come visit just like every other family does.

Adversecamber22 · 28/01/2019 03:36

Would the baby be a French citizen There are plans to reintroduce compulsory military national service for all 16 year olds.

clearsommespace · 28/01/2019 04:51

If the baby's Father is French, the baby will be French.
The new national service is not necessarily military service. The participants can choose to teach or work in environmental defence for example.

Birdie6 · 28/01/2019 05:31

Your description of your ex sounds like a bit of a red herring. If he hasn't ever been aggressive to your child I can't see the courts allowing you to take DC away from him.

Shoxfordian · 28/01/2019 05:36

Your ex doesn't sound very reliable, so maybe he won't apply to the court. Depending on where in france and where he lives, it may be easy enough to fly over to see his daughter anyway

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/01/2019 05:45

I would also have the baby in the U.K. and negotiate a way out of the situation with your ex. I definitely wouldn’t risk just taking your children. You may find yourself losing custody. Your ex is abusive and vindictive. He could prove unpredictable and may find a way to have your children full time, which doesn’t sound in their best interest. As their mother that means you stay put unless and until you have his permission. Make sure any agreement reached is water tight. Take legal advice.

@Adversecambers22
@clearsommespace
Do you know if the proposed plans for national service apply to non resident French nationals? Asking for personal reasons. Thanks

swingofthings · 28/01/2019 06:49

Step one: can you agree some arrangement with your ex so he agrees to his daughter moving.
Step two: if this is not going to happen, you'll need to build a case in court. Firstly, you'll need to convince the judge that your OH has no choice but to go back to his country and it is therefore reasonable that as you have a child together, that you should follow him. You will then nmed to evidence that you've prepared the move, have a decent place to stay permanently, that you have jobs to offer security and you've considered schools. You would need to show that moving is having a minimal impact on your child's life in addition to the benefits.

Step three: you would need to show what you would do to ensure contact with father remains. It is likely you would need to evidence that you'd bring them back to the UK regularly. If the country is France, once a month to keep it as current is likely to be expected. You would need to show that you can afford these visits as the costs would fall on you.

Your first hurdle from what you've written is that your OH does not have to move back home, it is a choice of lifestyle. Your best bet therefore is to convince your ex over time that you are not doing it to remove his child from his life and do intend to continue to facilitate regular contact.

MrsBobDylan · 28/01/2019 09:53

I had a friend who's marriage broke down and she met someone new pretty quickly and wanted to move abroad to his home country.

After looking pretty bleak, with the father doing everything in his power to legally prevent her going (police seized child's passport), the court allowed it.

I thought at the time that the judge must have been mad. Sure enough, two years later friend is moving back to the UK, majorly disrupting her child's life for the second time because the new marriage is broken down.

I have no doubt that she has completely lost contact with her ex and she will be in the shit financially because she does not work and will have no savings and now needs to navigate the UK benefits system which has changed so much since she was last here.

Op, just be really, really cautious and don't assume this new relationship will work.

Wallywobbles · 28/01/2019 11:15

I'm in a bit the opposite situation. I live in France but from UK. I already lived here before meeting first H. Had 2 kids with him. Court agreed contact etc during divorce. I knew that he'd fight if I ever tried to return to UK. And I think in France he'd have won and I couldn't have taken the kids back to the UK permanently.

Your baby could get a French ID card (and passport - I think) but wouldn't be properly French until 18. It's a court procedure before then but not complicated to do. Requires parents birth certificates etc. It's only full nationality automatically if both parents are French. It's called a certificat de nationalité français and it's pretty easy to find the documents listed online.

Be aware that French law is different to the UK and if you wanted to leave Mr France and return to the UK permanently don't assume you'll be allowed to take the baby.

clearsommespace · 29/01/2019 03:55

Wallywobbles makes a very good point about if you wish to return to the UK.

@Mummyoflittledragon I can't find any information about whether it will extend to non-French nationals resident in France.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2019 03:59

@clearsommespace
Thanks for replying. Neither could I on looking, which is why I asked. I thought you may know. I assume you are in France. I’m very jealous....

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