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Original poster

I really don't fancy my OH

117 replies

Iaintdonenothing · 27/01/2019 14:49

Just that really. We met at a mutual hobby, and slowly fell for each other. He even jokes that if he spoke to me at a bar I would have walked the other way.

I just really dislike his fashion choices (big baggy hoodies, jeans that show his underwear but are skinny on his legs with white trainers). His hair style is just awful (looks like hes got a bowl cut), and he wears a flat cap over the top. He actually looks like a 15-year-old on a long haul flight - I don't think I'd mind so much but he pays a huge amount for these 'designer' brands and is quite into his 'fashion'.

He suits a beard but when he shaves it off he's really not a good looker. He's also gained a few pounds but that bothers me the least.

I feel really bad for feeling this way and I try not to mention it to him as I know if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be classed as abusive for wanting to change the way he looks.

I do love his personality and him just not the way he looks. He's always showing me new things what he's bought and all I can say is umm. The only item I like is his beany hat as it hides his hair. I mean, the hair is my biggest issue and when he gets it cut back in my heart stops.

He's now getting paranoid about it and always asks me what I think, or asked me if I think he looks good and I tell him I love him.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 27/01/2019 16:02

OP Can you point out styles you'd like better on him. No drastic changes but men around his age who look trendy but cool. Show him a jacket you think is great. If he go clothes shopping on his own, go with him but don't say too much the first time. Tell him you love how he looks in his beanie.
Maybe he should meet your grandparents. Any comments they might make could help him see himself differently. Do his mates dress similarly, skater boys perhaps!

ambereeree · 27/01/2019 16:03

End it and move on.

TrudeauGirl · 27/01/2019 16:10

Don't drop hints about clothes or try to change him that's awful and I'm surprised at the number of people suggesting this approach!

I agree. Imagine the uproar if this were a man posting about dropping hints at his girlfriend's clothes...

Lavenderee · 27/01/2019 16:11

You don’t fancy him. You don’t think he’s sexy now he’s put on a few pounds. Shallow mindset aside, it’s clear you should end it.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/01/2019 16:12

Do you love him?

It sounds like you're not attracted to him and you are only together because you don't know how to break up. Be honest with yourself and then gentle with him. Tell him it's just not working for you, find a way to split anything shared in a fair way. Move on to someone who does still get you excited. It's only been a year and you're in your 20s.

I'm in my 20s and have been with DP three times as long and I find him the sexiest man on the planet. You both deserve someone who love you physically and otherwise.

PositiveVibez · 27/01/2019 16:15

To the PP who said Kevin and Perry, that's the first thing I thought of 🤣

Sounds like you need to let him go OP.

BlueNeighbourhood · 27/01/2019 16:17

Mid 20’s is a strange age though and you have to take that into account. People are still figuring out who they are at that point - and if you look at footballers on Instagram their pictures (other than the bowl cut) are mainly as you describe - the jumpers, the jeans, the bright white trainers. I do think that he’s one of the meet me at McDonald’s crew and his haircut sounds terrible. He just doesn’t have his own style, and from what you say I genuinely believe he’s following what people online think is fashionable.

He’s at that stage where he’s too young really to be dressing in next and M&S but too old for what he is wearing. Take him shopping, tell him what he looks hot in and see how it goes from there. I bet when his Instagram heroes move on in clothes taste, so will he!

MrsTerryPratcett · 27/01/2019 16:27

You don't fancy him and you're 'settling'. Don't. It's not fair on him or you.

Go and find someone who you will fancy when they lose their hair, put on weight, wear a shit hat.

Singlenotsingle · 27/01/2019 16:29

Time to move on, methinks!

paintinmyhairAgain · 27/01/2019 16:30

really not sure why you two are actually together tbh

JacksonPillock · 27/01/2019 16:31

God you're only mid-twenties and been together less than a year? This is not a relationship you want to stay in. Easiest "leave him" decision ever.

BlueNeighbourhood · 27/01/2019 16:31

I can’t imagine the type you describe with weight put on though. The first thing I thought of was the ‘meet me at McDonald’s’ type. The 16 year olds who;

-Wear bright white vans or Nike Air Max
-Skin tight skinny jeans with no socks
-Hoody, baggy. North-Face jacket for winter
-Cap or beanie hat
-Backpack over both shoulders. Usually a vans one
-Shaggy dark hair that’s faded at the bottom and a right mop on the top. Spends all their time running his hands through his hair out of his eyes

Basically, if you don’t fancy him you can’t stay with him out of convenience. I couldn’t ever imagine going home and not wanting to rip my partners clothes off - we are best friends as well as fancying each other like mad. We both have different clothes tastes by fair and different preferences but we respect the others choice. Yours seems to have gone way beyond that and you’re losing respect because of the type of clothes he wears. Don’t try and change him just so that it suits you, then he’d be unhappy instead of you. It seems like the best thing to do is let him go and you can both find the right person for you.

TedAndLola · 27/01/2019 16:32

What an awful thread. Please let him go.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/01/2019 16:33

Leave him.

You have no children, you aren't married and life is far too short to spend time with someone you aren't attracted to and want to change.

BettyDuMonde · 27/01/2019 16:34

Do you fancy him naked?

planespotting · 27/01/2019 16:34

We're both mid twenties and been together just over a year.
Call it a day
You "don't like his face"
Just bye bye

NCjustforthisthread · 27/01/2019 16:35

You must be a stunner to be so damning of your partners look!! Why can’t you just be honest with him?? You’ve made him so paranoid that he has to ask you what you think - and you don’t even like his face?! Good grief. Do this man and favour and dump him. Confused

Serialweightwatcher · 27/01/2019 16:37

I don't understand why you got with him in the first place if you don't like his face or clothes at all .... would you fancy him with beard, different clothes or do you just not fancy him at all but think you may if he looked different?

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/01/2019 16:38

I'm imagining Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber

CryptoFascist · 27/01/2019 16:39

You won't fancy him even if he changes his hair and clothes, you're just trying to think of a way he'll look better and hoping you'll learn to fancy him. I've been there, it's hard, but you do need to be honest with yourself and finish with him.

StrawberryBlondeRed · 27/01/2019 16:42

Not sure if what you're saying is for real or not OP but if you're being serious then you need to end the relationship. If you stay with him then you're not being fair to him. I can't imagine you having long term plans with this fella. You said you "really don't like his face" Dunno if you plan to have kids in the future but if you have a baby with him he/she will have half his face. He/she will look a bit like this fella you're with if he becomes the baby-dada.

ReginaPhalangee · 27/01/2019 16:42

LTB - as in Bae Wink

Gresley · 27/01/2019 16:46

It sounds as if you are really good friends and that he fancies you so maybe you feel obliged to reciprocate. I went out with a a couple of men because we got on well, but I found them unattractive. You can't have a proper relationship if you find him repulsive, and it's not just his clothes. You won't enjoy sex with him, and that will end up being far more hurtful than just dropping a few hints. You need to tell him you want to be friends only. Don't tell him what you don't like about his appearance - that will only make it worse for him and be very hurtful. Someone else will probably love him for the way he looks as well as his personality, and it's best you both clear the decks for this now, even if it means you have to start looking for someone else, and he might not want to be just friends. Don't waste years like I did in an unsatisfactory relationship.

bumblenbean · 27/01/2019 16:49

I don’t think it’s a go-er OP. I was with someone I didn’t fancy a few years ago and it ended disastrously. I kept hoping the attraction would grow but it wasn’t fair on either of us and if I’d been in his position it would have really knocked my confidence. It was difficult because I loved him as a person and we had a great friendship but at the end of the day you’ve got to be attracted to your partner.

Time to move on for you both I think.

Fairylea · 27/01/2019 16:50

I think this is a dump job. Mid 20s and you should be fancying the pants off the person you’re with. What hope have you got for when you’re 40/50/60 and he’s going bald, teeth are falling out and bellies are getting bigger otherwise?! This should be the best time of your lives for lust and sex etc. Life is too short to settle.