to think it's weird when friends don't ask you any questions about your life?

[papayasareyum]

I've got a friend, known her for about thirteen years. Over recent months I've noticed that when we meet up, she doesn't show any interest whatsoever in what I'm doing. I ask her questions about her life, but she never asks me about mine. I'm retraining, huge career change which means a lot to me and she's never asked a single question about it. Is it normal for friends to show zero interest in your life and ask nothing about you? I kind of wonder whether she's just not interested in being my friend anymore and this kind of disinterest is an easier option for her than ghosting?

Sounds like she's very selfish and likes the fact that you pay interest in her. I have a "friend" like this, it's very one sided and I'm starting to get wise to it now. She's interested in my life when she wants a favour. I don't think my friend really has any interest in me at all other than what she can get out of me. I would stop paying her any interest and see what happens.

My parents are like this. I find it really odd too. Has she always been like this? What do you talk about? Do you have a lot in common? With my parents they're fairly self involved and in all honesty live quite insular lives. With them I think this contributes to their behaviour. It's a combo of being inconsiderate so not thinking to ask. Then also having quite different lives so I think they can't quite grasp people live differently and do different things. This could be different for your friend. Just sharing my experience as there may be something that you recognise.

I agree. It's very rude. My Dbil, is the same
I've known him for 17 years, and he's never asked me a single question, other than, would you like a brew, etc

Do you talk spontaneously about your life to her, or do you wait to be asked?

If you mention something in your life, does she follow it up or does she just lead the conversation back to herself?

Not sure that it sounds like she's trying to drop you. On the other hand, it does sound like she's quite self-absorbed, and as such is a bit of a crap friend.

I struggle with this too... I spout on and on about my own life and often lack the basic politeness to ask other people about their lives, even when I'm very fond of them. Partly this is just selfishness and poor social skills, and partly it's because I unconsciously expect other people to be the same as me and just launch into news about their own lives. (When they do then I'm genuinely interested and ask them more about it.)

I know this behaviour is crap and I'm working on it. What I'm wondering is: is your friend like me, and expecting you to just tell her stuff without you asking? If you like her then that might be worth trying. Otherwise you might just want to move away from this friendship.

I have a friend like this. She never asks me about my life. Talks only about hers. Weirdly she seems to get funny with me if I don’t agree to meeting up. Yet when we do meet up she doesn’t seem that interested in me at all.

When DP and I first moved to our village, we began frequenting the local pub and gradually got to know a few regulars quite well. Many of those people were like this - we’d ask how they had been and they’d chat back for ages about all the stuff going on in their lives. They never asked anything back. Ever.

DP is quite chatty and would often volunteer info on what he’d been doing. But I’m a bit more reserved and I suppose I’m better at responding to questions and having a bit of back and forth banter. So I found I was hardly ever talking about things I’d done.

This went on for several years and to this day, I’m quite sure there are friends from that pub who don’t know, for example, what I do for a living. Because they never once asked me.

I know some people like this (both family and friends) and it really annoys me. I always moan about it to my DH. I find it so selfish and self absorbed but I do try and remind myself that maybe they don't mean to be this way.

I have extended family members like this and DH a couple of friends.

I take it as a sign that their social / conversation skills aren’t great, although in one case the person is pretty self absorbed!

I don’t initiate meeting up with these types. When in their company I ask polite Qs and listen, and when I feel it’s my turn just start talking about whatever I wish to for a bit.

In one case DH used to disappear off with his friend and leave me for hours with friend’s wife, who was like it. After many tedious times I said I wasn’t willing to spend hours alone with her and he should meet up with his friend alone!

I have a friend like this. It annoys me.

It may be lack of social skills. Does she respond when you tell heor things and engage then. As l get older l give on waiting for questions and presume not great social skills so dive in and chat away.

This friend has no interest in you and you are there for the sole purpose of allowing her to bore you to kingdom come whilst she talks about herself. There are many people who do this, all as tedious as each other. Get a new friend.

I noticed that my brothers girlfriend was like this when I first started talking to her when we met. She would go on about her life and everything that was happening but would never ask about things in my life she knew were happening! It really put me off her but I see it as there problem when people do that. It says more about them and it does you. As for your friend OP, stop hanging out with her! Why would you meet up with someone to sit and talk about only them?

You could try and just start talking about yourself so much when you next see her (on purpose) to see how she reacts and do not let her get a word one.

I just wouldn’t be friends with them. My sister is like this which is why I rarely see her. I have work colleagues who never ask about me even when they’ve just told me their life story for the nth time.

I feel your pain. I know SO many people like this that it's refreshing to encounter someone who does express an interest!

My Mum is like this.
She hardly ever asks and I rarely longer volunteer any info. If I do, it is quickly shut down so she can go back to talking about herself.
She usually has at least one drama on the go.

I always worry if I ask I am being nosy and intrusive and I wait for people to volunteer information.

DSis is like this, she’s worse on the phone, she’ll call me for sometimes up to an hour just talking about herself, then ‘have to go’ at the end. It dies my head in. Some people just fall into bad habits and are more self obsessed than others I think.

It depends. I'm like your friend. I don't interrogate, I wait to be told. It isn't disinterest, it's manners. I might ask an open ended question eg "hows your week" as opposed to the full on inquisition - and I cant stand nosey fuckers people who keep on and on asking you questions you may not want to answer, or keep telling you all about their life.

I have a friend like this. I've started distancing myself from her the last couple of years, after I realised that since my DD was born 3 years ago, she's never once asked me a question about her or asked how parenthood is going. It's a shame as we've known each other since school, but thinking about it, she's never asked me about any aspect of my life!

I have tried the tactic of just telling her about things that are going on with me, but she just listens politely, makes the right noises (laugh, sympathy etc) and then turns things back to herself. No follow-up questions about anything! It's incredibly frustrating.

How does she respond when you tell her your news? I don't think it sounds like she wants to drop you as a friend - although do you still want to be friends with her?!

I love that someone else feels like this. This is my absolute bug bear and is really really annoying me as I’m getting older I feel less tolerant to sit and listen to other people who don’t have the courtesy to ask or listen to me. im noticing it more, especially now my kids are older and conversation is less catered around them. Even my DD at university notices it in others. I think it’s rude and selfish.

Sorry - I don’t mean it’s good others have this issue. Just that I’m not the only one who thinks this. I thought it was me!

I have a friend like that, I am ashamed to say I've kind of ghosted since October, she arrives at odd times she has shared custody and works pt, at 9am, 9pm whatever she chooses. I work nights I spoke to her many times about it, she stays for hours and I can't get a word in edge ways, even I I managed to turn the conversation to me, she'll automatically pull it back, between her diet and exercise routine, the ton of men that look at her I the gym, begging to date her.
She is the image and has the personality to match of Janice from Friends, it is awful but I don't miss her, I felt sorry she had do much time on get hands, yet she alienates family and other friends who disagree with her.

Thanks for posting this. I was going to start a similar thread a while ago but didn’t. Essentially I’ve been beating myself up about why I don’t seem to be able to make friends even though I’m chatty and ask questions, but I realised the issue isn’t with me - it’s socially and conversationally inept people who are happy to answer questions but offer nothing back. Now that I’ve realised there are people like this, I’m not wasting anywhere near as much time trying to get to know someone

I'm glad it's not just me.
I've blamed myself, assuming I must be boring or something or that she thinks I'm ill suited to my new career so thats why she hasn't asked me (even once) how the training is going. I suspect the time has come to admit defeat with this friendship and focus on the friends who are interested