to think it's weird when friends don't ask you any questions about your life?

[papayasareyum]

I've got a friend, known her for about thirteen years. Over recent months I've noticed that when we meet up, she doesn't show any interest whatsoever in what I'm doing. I ask her questions about her life, but she never asks me about mine. I'm retraining, huge career change which means a lot to me and she's never asked a single question about it. Is it normal for friends to show zero interest in your life and ask nothing about you? I kind of wonder whether she's just not interested in being my friend anymore and this kind of disinterest is an easier option for her than ghosting?

' struggle with this too... I spout on and on about my own life and often lack the basic politeness to ask other people about their lives, even when I'm very fond of them. Partly this is just selfishness and poor social skills, and partly it's because I unconsciously expect other people to be the same as me and just launch into news about their own lives. (When they do then I'm genuinely interested and ask them more about it.)'

I'm exactly the same. I'm a bit inconsiderate - I don't seem to have the social skills to think of the small touches that other people sometimes do that are so thoughtful. I love hearing about others lives but I don't always think to ask, and I don't like to probe either. I suppose I just think if someone wants to talk about something they will volunteer the information.

I have a few ‘friends ‘ who do this. I don’t think they are lacking in social skills. On the contrary, I think they are sufficiently arrogant to think their lives are just more interesting than anyone else’s. They never appear interested when anyone else speaks and use every opportunity to revert to conversation back to themselves.

jeanne16 this ^^

It's not normal, no. Unfortunately lots of people really do suffer from terrible social skills!

I have a theory. People who do this are worried if they find out about you, they are going to feel discontented with their own lives. It’s classic. It’s like a child sticking its fingers in its ears and saying, “Lalalalalala!!!!” very loudly. Sad really - in adults.

One of my friends does this. She'll tell me everything about her life, yet if I mention anything she'll look at me as if I'd suddenly begun speaking Martian and then turn the conversation back to her life. She is lovely but my it's difficult just listening to her tales of Me! Me! Me!

If I wanted to hear a soliloquy I'd buy an audio book...

My in laws are like this. Day I got back from honeymoon there wasn't one question about it other than did you have a nice time. We went on safari so had a lot to talk about! I ask a lot of questions so this always bothers me.

I have friends like that and I think they are rather self-centred. On the other hand, I also have friends who will ask question after question and I sometimes find that quite intrusive. So I guess I tend to pick the friends I spend time with depending on whether I want to speak or listen. I do have some who find a balance and we can have a two-way conversation.

My experience suggests more people are like this than aren't like this. It's one of the things that can make events like weddings so boring! The flip side is that when you meet someone who does know how to hold a conversation, it's great.

That is a really interesting theory Hazel!

The friend I refer to upthread who never asks about my life also seems bored and distracted if I decide to just tell her stuff. It’s weird. Eyes wandering around, looking at her phone, blank expression & no comments along the way. As if she’s waiting for me to finish. Yet she’s the one who seems to be annoyed if I don’t fit in a catch up regularly enough. Selfish is what it is.

I have friends like that and I think they are rather self-centred. On the other hand, I also have friends who will ask question after question and I sometimes find that quite intrusive.

Same! Friend A pours out her woes and always wants my advice on X, Y and Z - I feel like an agony aunt with her. She's a nice person though.

Friend B fires a barrage of questions until I feel under interrogation! Then I realise she's told me nothing about what's happening with her. I think she's just nosy and likes to tell other people what to do.

Tbh, I prefer the friends I can just have a laugh with.

Maybe they don't want to hear all the details of your life and prefer to keep their's private too Not everyone is comfortable discussing everything even with close friends or family!

@amicrazyorwhat2 we need to hang out!

I have a friend like this who has only recently started this but in the last month it's got so bad if I do try and say anything to her she say I'm feeling sorry for myself and I need to stop this ridiculous crap! She hasn't once asked how the house move is going or how me a DD are getting on after my ex of 20 years walked out on us!! At what point do you just walk away?

@Acrasia

My Dad is like this. I Skype him once a week, because I live overseas and he never asks about my life. And if I do talk to him about something he manages to change the subject in a way I know he wasn’t listening in the first place. Now I just listen to him talk for an entire hour. I find it pretty tiresome, not sure I would put up with it from a friend.

Same with my dad. I once phoned my parents in happy relief to tell them that a worryIng late pregnancy situation had turned out ok on further tests, told my delighted mum, who handed the phone to my dad, who then interrupted me in mid-sentence to tell me about a broken appliance he had fixed. I was so stunned I said nothing, and he talked for fully fifteen minutes without drawing breath about how he had ordered parts from EBay.

The thing is that my mother thinks ‘men are like this’ and saw nothing odd in someone interrupting their tearful, pregnant daughter talking about their grandchild’s health to monologue about an old tv.

I think if I asked him, he’d be baffled and say ‘But you’d already said it was all right, so I didn’t need to listen to the rest of it.’