No screens in the bedroom

[Fridaysgirl]

I've stuck completely to this rule so far. Kids are now 10 and 12.
They do have their own "playroom" downstairs- where they have a TV, PlayStation and Nintendo, an old laptop for homework etc and tablets are kept here too (so I can keep an eye on what they are doing).
I really believe that their bedrooms should be electronic free zones and even made sure the WiFi signal doesn't reach that far.
My oldest is now telling me AIBU but I want to stick to my guns. They can have electronics (and I think they are very lucky in what they have) just not in their bedrooms.

Mine are 12 and 11, and our upstairs is an electronic free zone, as well. They plug their phones in downstairs when they go to bed, and we've never had any arguments. They each have echo dots in their bedrooms so they can listen to music/meditation stuff/play trivia games, but that's the extent of it! To be fair, dh and I also don't have our electronics upstairs, either, which probably helps.

No devices in bedrooms here but we have two living rooms so they have their own space. Not sure what I would do if we didn't - I do think screens in bedrooms are a bad idea.

I personally don't have any problem with screens in the bedroom, all my kids do, including youngest who is 6.
what difference does it make, I can't bare to listen to the inane nonsense she listens to or watches, all parental controls in place etc, but you need to give a level of trust

Those that are calling me unreasonable- have I been clear?
They have their own separate "chill out" room downstairs for electronics/screens. Also has table football, beanbags etc.
It's just upstairs they are not allowed devices. I want them to sleep well and yes have a sanctuary away from the pressures of social media. How is that controlling?

Do you not have any screens in your own bedroom? You don't text your friends or watch TV or Netflix etc, and see it as enjoyable/relaxation?

Times have changed. When your DC are teenagers your rules are going to be difficult to enforce. All my DCs' homework at secondary school is put up online and via an app. The vast majority of it is completed online and resources online such as BBC bitesize/mathswatch are used. Homework is usually emailed or printed out. Do you want your DCs doing this on a shared PC in one room, it just makes it so much harder!

Books are read on a Kindle Fire, technically a screen. Allowed in bedrooms.

Remember the days of talking to your friends on a landline in the hall? These days DC can group chat/text and multi task. If you (trust them) and can give them privacy why wouldn't you? Will they really have to go into the lounge/playroom to discuss what time they are all going to meet at Nando's on Saturday (which will take bloody hours, btw )

Mine don't watch programmes at set times on the TV, they stream favourite series and watch on their laptops, they like to lounge in their rooms to do this and why wouldn't they?

When they are older do you really think they won't have a TV or use their phones in their bedrooms? Of course they will and it's better, IMO to help them learn to regulate their use.

Your DC are lucky enough to have their own rooms, they will value their privacy and freedom not to have to fight over one remote, take advantage of it!

There are ways to still supervise and set limits, a timer for the WiFi and a password they have to "earn" if you like. Phones downstairs at bedtime etc.

Besides, when they are teens you may well be desperate for them to go to their rooms s guve you a break There is only so many times you can listen to "OMG right Jane is such a snake, she was like totally chatting and I was like you what mate, you're totally extra and she was like..." without wanting to weep

Speaking as a teacher - thank you.

I know exactly which students have screens in their bedrooms at home and those who don’t. I don’t quiz them about it, just observe behaviour and then ask what game they were playing or who they were texting. 100% success rate.

It is important that they use screens at home, both for school work and for their social entertainment. But whenever possible, keep it out of bedrooms!

There are going to be some DC who have more self control than others when it comes to screens and gadgets.

Ideally every home with 2 teenagers would have 3 living rooms but often it has to be the bedrooms for TVs etc.

Speaking as another teacher () all this hysteria over screens and games is ridiculous.

Just limit them. Use your role as a parent. Everything in moderation.

Returning but with limits and controls set (E.g. parental controls, removal at night and timed WiFi etc) what difference does it make whether they were playing Fortnite/texting their mates downstairs or in their rooms? And if homework is completed satisfactory and checked at home? Genuine question, not being snarky!

I think it's the supervision and controls not the location, tbh. Mine are allowed screens in rooms (with the above caveats and a few more) and whilst some are (unlike 99.9% of MNers' DCs ) not straight grade A students as their abilities differ, they all work hard (one needs chivvying admittedly!) and are sensible and one at least has the ability to get A/9 grades and should do, not even a stealth boast

Speaking as another teacher () all this hysteria over screens and games is ridiculous.

Just limit them. Use your role as a parent. Everything in moderation.

Agree! I must teach 200 teenagers a week. It is only easy to tell in extreme circumstances and then there are a lot more major issues at play in the family worse than screen time.

My (similar ages) DCs have a number of electronic devices between them. There is a TV and console downstairs in their rec room, as well as a smart TV in the living room. The only device allowed upstairs is DC's bluetooth speaker which is used to listen to podcasts/music. No TVs anywhere else. I'm actually listening to music on a record player as I type...

They get plenty of screen time for homework and leisure but need opportunities to get away from them too, to help them relax and wind down. They are completely unable to regulate themselves. Horses for courses, and you'll get a wide range of opinions on here, but you're not alone OP.

Hysteria? Hardly.

That is my ideal, I don't think you are being unreasonable. My DS will not be having any screens in his room at that age, but we will have a space for him to do this in that of a games room.

I do think children need somewhere to go to have time for themselves to relax and play, so I think if the only space for that was their bedroom then I think I would allow the screen in the room but then just have time constraints on the usage.

Mine are 14 & 18, and I’ve never had a rule. There electronics have always been in their room as we don’t have the space. 18 is at uni now.
14ds shuts his off and goes to bed between 9-10 each school night (mostly 9:30pm) and about 12:30 on a Friday and Saturday night. I’ve never had to go down threatening with the internet etc. I think because his friends have the same freedom too, it’s not a novelty, so they all switch off when tired.
The only thing he will put on is Netflix, but I go in when I go to bed about 10:15 and switch it off if it is on, as he’s already asleep. But normaly he switches this off as soon as he starts to fall asleep. Oh and his phone he uses until about 9:00, then he puts it on to charge over the other side of the room- so when his alarm goes off he has to get up to switch it off.

Screens are crap for sleeping.

Unmonitored Internet access is risky for kids and teenagers. Would you want them sitting on a street corner chatting to any stranger who walked by?

Time spent on screens is time that cannot be used for other things, like sports, playing musical instruments, reading books, learning to cook, being outside, being creative, or learning anything.

OP's kids have plenty of access to screens for socialising + study purposes. No one needs to be on Snapchat when they're lying in bed.

My teens would not speak to strangers that walked by in RL and therefore don't go seeking them out on the internet either.

Mine early 20s. Never had screens in bedrooms but have 2 living rooms. Complained off and on but not a big deal. Glad we stuck to that.

No screens in bedroom has worked well for us, OP. We relax it when they start GCSE revision, so y11. I wholeheartedly believe it's why my kids have remained big readers/audio book listeners, because they don't have phones or other screens as entertainment once they go to bed.

The only child I've relaxed the rule for is nephew with Aspergers. His needs are differentand due to special interests and also because screens help distract him from emotional distress, he needs access to them in his room when staying over (with appropriate parental controls and turning them off 2 hours before sleep).

We don't have screens in bedrooms including phones but excluding a kindle paperwhite. We have no limits on how much screen time they have in the day but the bedroom is (almost) screen free. DD has loads of books on her kindle and her shelves and she had her art materials, musical keyboard, loads of make up (regular and stage) so it's no like she has nothing to do in her room.

It works for us at the moment, after GCSEs we might rethink but for now this is the way it is staying.

We are all allowed personal devices in the bedroom. Phones, ipads. No other screens though, no tv’s or games consoles in any bedroom.

Children, however, have parental controls on their devices according to age and the wifi switches off at a designated bedtime. They still have 3g, but can’t stream tv or use it intensively - once their months allowance of data is gone, it’s gone.

As for the WiFi how do you make sure it doesn't reach?

Most routers you can go into settings and control what each device can access and what times they can access the wifi. My teen ds the wifi shuts off at 10, my primary school aged child at 8.30.

That way they can chill in their bedroom if they want, but i know what they can access and when.

Teen still complains that “all his friends” are allowed to watch netflix all night, but i think it’s a reasonable compromise.

We have a Sky router and although it's possible to have restrictions on it I think I have never done it.

I did go to work with it in my boot a couple of times to get the DSs to do some stuff though.

Fridaysgirl
I work for CAMHS
you're doing the right thing.
Services, parents, the government, social care, schools - we're playing catch up with whats going on right now with social media.
Your children need a responsible adult to implement rules, as 90% won't do it themselves, and set boundaries, that's why you have a legal responsibility to look after them until they're 18.
Anyone who allows their child to use the internet/social media late into the night in their room is asking for trouble.
A child needs time away from their screen to learn about eye contact, body language, human relationships, what's real and whats a snapchat filter.

I have the BT extender discs. Whole home I think they are called. There’s an app, and you can see who is connected to which disc around your home. You can also set bedtimes so it switches off and on automatically and block/pause devices.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Screens in the bedroom are the absolute worst for sleep hygiene.

I am glad that all this technology and social media stuff only appeared on their radar as the DC were getting toward their teens.

I would imagine now that the age is getting much younger when they want to start using Ipads and such.
My two still got to play with all the traditional childhood toys you would expect before the hand held gadgets arrived.