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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Intrested to see others opinions on what they would have done over winning some money and sharing

74 replies

Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:30

I won some money about a year ago online however I split only 2 thirds of it between me my partner and some savings for my girls.
I kept 1/3 rd seperate as I regularly play online and obviously it cost me however much I’d lost before I won if that makes sense.
So I use the money I kept apart to still play and have not really won much more over the last year nor lost with it going up and down as with most gambling.
I never said I had won more at the time since I was not planning on sharing the other 3rd I though best was say nothing,
However it recently has come to light as we were going through and re checking bank statements etc for tax returns etc and the full figure was seen.
Now my my partner is not happy
So how would you feel?
And I will point out our money is totally seperate so I did not use any money that wasn’t mine to gamble in the first place.

OP posts:
Nicebudget · 27/01/2019 11:32

I'd say you've got a gambling problem if you're hiding money so I'd probably stop doing it for a while if I were you. Mainly to see if you can. If you struggle then you know you have a problem.

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:32

No no problem gambled many years and very happy doing so

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 27/01/2019 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hungrypuffin · 27/01/2019 11:34

The problem isn’t how you split the money. The problem is you lied about how much you’d won. You should have told him the full amount and your plans for it.

JohnnyKarate · 27/01/2019 11:35

What you did wasn’t wrong, but your partner probably thinks you hid it from them, and hiding this could make you look like you wanted to keep it a secret the actual amount of money you’d won.

I don’t think you did anything wrong in principle, but I think in the future you should be honest. As you said it’s your money to do with as you wish, but at least that way your partner isn’t kept in the dark.

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:36

Yes I can understand maybe I should have said how much but I thought I was been generous enough sharing some of the winnings and didn’t think really that how much I won was really an issue I needed to say but hey ho they think different

OP posts:
Batshittery · 27/01/2019 11:37

I agree with Hungrypuffin. You were generous enough to share it but should have disclosed the full amount.

Nicebudget · 27/01/2019 11:38

Spoken like a true person with a problem. I would just try for your own peace of mind,don't gamble for 1 month. See if you can.

MRex · 27/01/2019 11:38

I agree with PP, it sounds like you have a gambling problem. Normal people don't gamble constantly, nor lie to their partners about money. You should try stopping.

Timeforabiscuit · 27/01/2019 11:38

If you were playing with family money, used that to win, and then hid some of the winnings - then yes id have a massive problem with the dishonesty.

You say all your money is kept separate, but how does that work with a shared life? Without knowing all the ins and outs of how your family set up works - its difficult to know how annoyed your partner has the 'right' to be.

RaininSummer · 27/01/2019 11:39

Makes sense to me. You need a bankroll to continue playing and it's your money anyway. Controlled gambling is a hobby like any other in my mind. If you know you don't have an addictive personality and you are not daft enough to keep throwing good money after bad then I think it's fine so long as you can afford it. Explain it to him. Does he spend money on a hobby where presumably he never gets any back?

CharlyAngelic · 27/01/2019 11:40

Difficult. You should have fully discussed what you were going to do with it . At least you did not keep it all to yourself. Hindsight is marvellous though!

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:41

I have done pretty well over the years so it’s fun and sometimes has a very nice benefit.
I’m not looking for advice to stop as I am not intrested in stopping I am happy gambling simple as

OP posts:
TheBigBangRocks · 27/01/2019 11:42

So you gamble and lie to him, I'm nt surprised he's unhappy. You are minimising everything.

EatingElephantsisCF · 27/01/2019 11:43

Good that you won . Great to share. What is your partner’s issue?

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:46

Time. no not family money my money.
The girls are mine not my partners so there is no family money as I pay for them not my partner.

OP posts:
Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 27/01/2019 11:46

Well it feels a bit weird that you hid it to be honest. You should be able in a relationship to talk about these things even if your not actually putting it in the "pot" on the other hand though you gave him the same as you kept yourself and I assume expected him/her to treat themselves with the other 3rd so nobody got more than the other!

It sounds like he didn't know about your 3rd which means he was happy for you to give all your win to him and the kids and have none for yourself? If so that is weird too!

Dp and I also have separate bank accounts.

I got a small inheritance a few years ago, he knows exactly how much it is and it went in a separate account which he had no interest in as it was mine. I used a bit of it for some things for us (new fish tanks) and got some stuff for him as just before he'd started a new hobby so I felt it would be nice to get him some things that he needed for it. As for the rest he has no idea if it's still there or been used because it's in his words nothing to do with him!

Lots of families though have a very different view and both partners would feel that the money was family money. To be honest if it was a big amount then I'd feel the same too, but the amount I inherited was probably similar to your win I'm guessing. Nice but not life changing.

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:47

Yes I gamble and ?

OP posts:
Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 27/01/2019 11:49

Sorry I'm not sure if partner is a man or woman so Iv tried and failed miserably to not assume incase I offended you Blush

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:51

Ginky. My partner is female that’s why the girls are mine and not hers so yes I should have said that sorry.
The farm is mine and a business I have seperate to that.
My partner has her own business

OP posts:
Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:52

And the win was not major life changing but it was a nice amount

OP posts:
BifsWif · 27/01/2019 11:55

You lied about the amount won to enable you to keep a share to continue gambling.

Deny it or not, you have a problem.

Pinotwoman82 · 27/01/2019 11:56

I think what I would have done was to say I’ve won x amount, I thought x amount we could have, x amount to the girls and then I thought with x amount I could use for the gambling. It’s probably the hiding it which hurt your DP the most?

WineAndTiramisu · 27/01/2019 11:59

Your way of splitting it seems very fair, however I think the issue was either telling (or inferring) that that was all you won.
If my partner gambled and did this, I'd be happy with a full explanation, but discovering months later that they lied about how much would have me worried I'm afraid.

Original poster
Maryjoyce · 27/01/2019 11:59

How is that a problem I gamble I don’t hide that i gamble never have so how is that a problem.
I would still gamble whether I said the full amount or not.
I kept the 3rd as I would have whether I’d said the full amount or not because it gives me a better fund to play from. I had a much smaller fund before I played from.
So I’ve never hidden that I gamble and win and loose like any that gamble

OP posts:
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