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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is buying siblings out ot of an inherited property a fair thing to do?

94 replies

Stormypaige · 26/01/2019 16:02

This is hypothetical. I've never bought a house, I don't know how it works so sorry if this is a stupid question.
and hopefully this situation is many years in the future.

When my dad passes away (hopefully many years from now) his house will be left to us four siblings. I am the only one of us that might realistically be able to afford it as my career with hopefully be paying well by then. I love my childhood home and would hate to lose it. Is it fair to get the house valued and buy siblings out? Or would they likely feel aggrieved that they hadn't had the opportunity of putting it on the market and getting a potentially higher price? If it's an inheritance, is selling the fairest way to do it?

OP posts:
FevertreeLight · 26/01/2019 17:41

and you'd have to pay IHTax on the real value even if you agreed a lower price with siblings

And I think full stamp duty on the whole value plus additional of a second home.

Petalflowers · 26/01/2019 17:41

You can ask, but they May thave other plans. What if they want to buy it out? Or suggest that it’s rented out, and the profits shared.

A relative brought their pil’s house from dh’s brother. All went well until the house was sold a few years later with a good profit. The bil who had sold his portion felt slightly aggrieved at this, even though he knew it could go up or down in price.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 26/01/2019 17:42

It can cause resentment down the line. An older extended family member inherited the equivalent value in cash and stocks of their parents' home in a popular country capital ... which made sense since she'd emigrated. A bit put out a couple of decades later now that the family home owned by another family member now via the inheritance is worth a helluva lot more. But it was done fairly at the time, no ifs ands or buts about it ... but still some resentment. I think she still considers herself to have some rights to it, which she absolutely doesn't, but people are funny when it comes to inheritances and property...

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 26/01/2019 17:42

oh honestly, @paint as if you would. If you have a normal loving relationship with your kids and you have enough to live on you are usually keen to leave something to them. Ok this is a bit specific but I'm only in my 40s and have 3 children and I've thought about it/wills etc.

ElevenSmiles · 26/01/2019 17:43

What did you get your Dad for xmas ? A coffin.

TearingUpMyHeart · 26/01/2019 17:44

All families are different. Some less twee or scared of death than others. We talk about this kind of thing openly with our parents,but we are more practical down-to-earth types without a death phobia. You can get a professional valuation done instead of estate agents (involves paying but might be fairer).

Ariela · 26/01/2019 17:45

You may well find your parents need to sell the property to pay for extensive care home fees, so I'd not bank on it.

Roussette · 26/01/2019 17:58

DoubleTrouble I just find it odd whilst the parents are OK and enjoying retirement. And my kids know lots about us and our situation and when I'm older than now (am in 60s) I'll be talking more about this type of thing. And yes, we have Wills and have made provisions and have even put things into motion because of our ages (DH is older) . And yes, it will be talked about more when we downsize or can't cope. But not now. It's weird, we're just enjoying life.

Purpleartichoke · 26/01/2019 18:04

You will all need to agree on the price. They can negotiate. I would probably get several appraisals and if they are all reasonably close, just go with the average.

Totally normal for one person to buy out the others on property. I’ve seen siblings and cousins try to share holiday homes. It is not a good idea.

TearingUpMyHeart · 26/01/2019 18:31

I'd have thought 60s was a good time to start talking about it, in all honesty.

Roussette · 26/01/2019 18:41

Well... fine if the OP is talking to her Dad! Or in fact if her Dad is talking to her about it

x2boys · 26/01/2019 18:44

Yes I don't we why it would be an issue , my ds is and I are likely to inherit my parents house I couldn't afford it but she might be able too if she wanted too I wouldn't have a problem if she bought me out?

Roussette · 26/01/2019 18:49

Until we know how old the Father is, it's all a bit hypothetical. He could be in his early 60s or he could be in his 80s. That matters.

TearingUpMyHeart · 26/01/2019 18:50

Lol, some people really are in denial. 60s is when the funerals start ... my dad died at 68, within that same year 4 of his schoolfriends died. Yes, average life expectancy is longer (although this depends where you live, it's only 73 in some places). So yes ... start talking about it in your 60s. You could have dementia by 80 so it gives you a good decade to share ideas on inheritance etc with family.

Lifeofsmiley · 26/01/2019 18:51

Hypothetically, the dad could remarry and leave his kids nothing, the house sold for care fees etc. A lot could happen before the scenario you have in mind so don’t count your chickens

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/01/2019 18:53

Yes if happy for you to buy them out then get 3 values to make fair and pick middle one

If not happy then sell it and share equally

pyramidbutterflyfish · 26/01/2019 18:57

I’d be fine with that but would want the house actually put on the market, not just subject to valuations. That way everyone can decide what to do based on what someone will actually pay

blueskiesandforests · 26/01/2019 19:00

Roussette I think your logic is flawed. My mil was very healthy and active indeed until 3 weeks before she got a terminal diagnosis. She was in her early 60s. I'm not deluded enough to the same couldn't happen to me in my 40s if I was very unlucky. Her mother outlived her... Obviously as mil had a short terminal illness nobody was thinking about inheritance. There have been issues with inheritance due to assumptions being made but not discussed.

Better to think and discuss openly in advance when not going through grieving imo. Whether you're 40 or 60 or 80.

Roussette · 26/01/2019 19:08

I get what you're saying blueskies. Your poor MIL. We do talk to the kids about where we are and what we're doing, what arrangements we are going to make or have done already, and if they came to me and made some sort of suggestion about our house at some point... fine... but unless the OP is talking to her Dad and her siblings, I just find it strange.

Romanov · 26/01/2019 19:12

@Roussette
Isn't it crass to be thinking of this now?

@Atalune
Stop entertaining this idea!
How utterly crass and morbid.

Yes, leave it to the last minute to think about, lose the house because you're too british to talk about it..... Hmm

Roussette · 26/01/2019 19:15

How many times do I have to say we have talked about it, we do talk about it, our kids are up to speed with where we are.

And I'm British but open with my family.

Roussette · 26/01/2019 19:16

You're talking like we haven't even made a Will Romanov. Given what my parents did at the last minute in their eighties, no way will I keep stuff from my kids. Transparency all the way.

icannotremember · 26/01/2019 19:18

Might the house not already have been needed to fund his care? Might any of your financial situations change significantly? It seems odd to be thinking the way you are now, tbh.

paintinmyhairAgain · 26/01/2019 19:21

ihate it wouldn't really be feasible with my dc and sdc there would be 12 of them looking for a slice of the pickings. apart for the house we have not amassed much in savings so we are releasing equity to supplement our pensions, if we live out long lives there won't be much of anything for them anyway ! just a fact of life.

blueskiesandforests · 26/01/2019 19:25

Roussette you're absolutely right, transparency all the way. What happened to mil was a total shock, she was the type to spend the day hiking about in the forest until she got ill. FIL still seems young.

My parents like hinting at inheritance but I've a feeling they're gearing up to give one sibling the house. I'd vastly rather they spent all their money on themselves and left nobody anything, than favour one offspring as favouritism will leave such a massive bitter taste!