Partners ex turning up abusing me

[Mar1984]

So bit of history been with DF nearly 2 years and lived together 1, he has 2 DC 9 and 6 and I have 3 DC 15,7 and 6. We have his children 50/50 so 3 nights one week and 4 the next plus when there mum goes away on holiday or when we take them on holiday.
His ex had 3 holidays abroad last year, didn’t take children to any of them neither did she do any day trips with them or as much as a cinema trip ( has been the same for last 2 years). In Nov she said she had a family party next weekend in scotland and wanted to take them away with her, it was our weekend but we said that’s fine as we wouldn’t them want to miss out, she has reminded of this trip every other week since.
My sons birthday is that weekend and he has asked to take a few friends to the cinema and then for lunch. As my partner didn’t have his children that weekend he has arranged to work and I invited 3 friends for my sons birthday as I have a 7 seat car and with my little 2 that’s all I could fit, with me driving that’s 6 in the car or 7 if the 15 gets his lazy bum out of bed!
DF ex has now changed her mind about Scotland trip so isn’t taking the children as she has booked a 2 week holiday just her MW dher BF in May and can’t afford this too. Step children are now deverstated they are not going away or to my sons party. There place we are going you can only get to by driving and his ex doesn’t drive and has said she wouldn’t be able to get someone to bring them wait and transport them to the lunch venue and then bring them home.
Last night she turned up screaming and abusing me that I am leaving out her children, they are upset they are not coming to this party I should of de invited my sons friends! I feel bad for my age children involved in this and has told them when we have them next they could pick a treat day out but I don’t think IABU to not invite my sons friends. She is the one who has let her children down that weekend and I only arranged this as I thought they were having a trip away otherwise my partner wouldn’t be working and they would be invited.
She was vile last night screaming at my door etc and I have told my DF I will not tolerate that and next time the police will be called but I feel bad for the kids as it wasn’t intentional not to invite them!

Can you partner sort this out OP??

I agree with those saying you shouldn't be paying any maintenance. You are simply funding her lazy arse lifestyle and holidays.

She won't withhold the kids contact as that would mean she would actually have to parent them 24/7 with no time for holidays.

I can't believe people are suggesting to get a taxi for them. Do you know how much that would cost 4 taxis trips?

It's sad for the kids but some times you can't go to everything. It's a cinema trip. Not a trip to Disney land.

I would apologise to the kids, tell them you can't uninvited people and have no way of getting them there BUT you will take them to the cinema another day, just them. They won't be scared for life or need councling.

As for the ex id tell her she was the one who canccled the Scotland trip so maybe she should try to make it up to them and if she comes around again you'll call the police.

Where is your DP in all this? He needs to step up and sort this crap out as he is not setting and enforcing clear boundaries with his ex. I've been there and I expect that your DP just wants a quiet life (as mine did before the ex pushed him too far) but it is simply causing stress and damage to your family instead. As others have said stand your ground and get DP to the solicitor to stop this ridiculous blackmail.

I will wager she has planned this because she knows it was your DC birthday , primed them that they will miss the cinema trip so you know that they are upset (and basically what are you going to do about it? )
Once she decided to give he trip to Scotland a miss (whar about the Family Party? She doesn't mind letting them down eh? )

As for her insistance that you un-invite your DS friends she can jog right on.

Of course it's the mother's fault the kids are missing out, and of course it's not your job to rearrange plans. But... I guess it depends on how you want to view it. Your step kids have already been horribly let down by their mother and are probably really sad about that. You can either take the view that it's their mother's fault and they'll just have to put up with it, or you can try and include them so they're not left feeling even more rejected. No it's not your fault or problem, but I'll be willing to bet they won't forget what you did for them in those circumstances.

Could a grandparent/a sibling/a friend not bring an extra car? Is there literally no one you could ask to help out?

My sibling is a lot younger than me so doesn’t drive yet and my mother is recovering from spine surgery so can not drive at all or even sit in a car more than 5-10 mins otherwise I would of asked them