To tell PIL we can’t stay again unless they buy a new mattress?

[HenweeArcher]

Talk about first world problem, I know

Currently staying with PIL for the weekend. We get on really well and they love having us and spending time with baby DS. DH was up early (5) for work and then drove us all here (a few hours away) and DS isn’t the best sleeper so we all came to bed at about 8 (we’re early bedtime people anyway - PIL know this and are fine with it) but DH has barely slept and I am yet to actually sleep. The spare bed has always been on the firm side but for some reason it is now horrendously hard. I might as well be sleeping on the floor. Add to that the fact it’s a small double so hard to feed DS comfortably (and he’s used to co-sleeping part of the night), makes a noise every time I roll over (which I am doing relentlessly) and it’s hotter than the sun itself in this bedroom! I am feeling thoroughly grumpy!

PIL are very hospitable and wonderful and I would feel so rude mentioning it but I actually don’t think I would come again if I knew I had to sleep like this

Why don’t you buy a new mattress for there?

You can't really insist they buy a new bed. Just don't go there anymore and have them come to you instead.

Why don’t you buy a new mattress for there?

If we could afford to, I would. But I think they would be very embarrassed.

Could they afford to buy a new one?

Compromise by buying a mattress topper?

Honestly just ask them, it sounds like they are nice and you all get on well, just mention it, I’m sure they won’t mind

Suggest a mattress topper. Much cheaper than a new mattress, and will make it a lot more bearable.

Mattress topper? Ours made the world of difference.

Or bring a blow up bed? Say the double is too small for all 3 of u, which is reasonable.

They could afford it, yes. I might suggest a mattress topper. I’m sure DH will say something anyway. He’s at least snoring now!

For tonight, can you lie on top of the duvet, to give yourself some more padding? Maybe take off the cover to cover yourself up?
I stay at my sister's often on her dreadful sofabed, I have learnt exactly how to place my hip in the massive dent so I can get some sleep. I feel your pain!

No, you can't. My Mil criticises the spare bed every visit for being uncomfortable but even she isn't rude enough to flat out suggest we buy another one. (clearly what she wants though). We don't have the money to replace it, and there are other things we'd replace before the spare mattress even if we did.

If you visit regularly you could offer to replace the bed, but even that would be akward and possibly be seen as a passive aggressive dig that the spare bed isn't good enough and should have been replaced.

How old is your child? Blame post pregnancy hips. I still struggle 6 years later on most beds!

If DH feels comfortable mentioning it, he should. In my opinion he should also lie and say he couldn’t sleep rather than making it about you and/or the baby, which is potentially awkward.

If he doesn’t, then future visits will have to involve a hotel.

Are you not in the U.K.? I was going to say if it’s hot just open a window but then I realised maybe you’re in Aus or somewhere.

I can't imagine squeezing two adults and a baby into a small double. Is there another mattress or bed that DH could sleep on?

With a mattress topper and more space (minus DH) you should be more comfy.

Blossom that’s what I am doing currently with a baby blanket draped over me for a bit of security. DH has to sleep under the duvet (because of monsters obvs) so we’re all a bit lop sided 😂

Blimey Sind your poor MIL.

You go to bed at 8pm?!! How bizarre? If I had people to stay and they went to bed at that time I'd think they were avoiding me. Surely you can't be tired at that time, that why you can't sleep!

We’re in the UK but PIL’s lovely new heating system is VERY effective. Unfortunately the window is right next to the cot I am supposed to be trying to get DS back into!

Jazzy he’s 4 months. I actually think you might have a point about post-pregnancy hips! It’s honestly horrendous how uncomfortable they are!

Can your DH mention it? My PIL bought a new bed after we (DH) mentioned that the sofa bed we used to use at theirs was impossible to sleep on. MIL tried it herself, agreed it was shit and bought a new one.

Ikea mattresses are amazingly comfy, and you can get one for under £200.

I think you should at least mention it (or get DH to do it).

They probably haven’t got a clue that it’s past its sell-by date as I doubt it’s something they ever use.

Achoo DH gets up at 4 most mornings to go to work (today was a lie in believe it or not!) and DS is a frequent night waker at the moment. We all get more sleep if we just go to bed when he does.

You go to bed at 8pm?!! How bizarre? If I had people to stay and they went to bed at that time I'd think they were avoiding me. Surely you can't be tired at that time, that why you can't sleep!

That’s what I was thinking!!

Mattress topper. Claim that you're finding sleeping difficult post pregnancy and a memory foam topper helps. Buy one and they can't refuse.

Ha! Not poor at all and spends visits criticising the house and detailing how things should be decorated / organised etc. No-one else has a problem with the bed (and I've asked some very honest people) Mil knows we don't have the money to replace the bed / redo the bathroom / redecorate the hall etc, but likes to point out our shortcomings every visit. Generally nice apart from being picky about house decor and furniture.

My PILs had an incredibly soft mattress. We asked them to get new one.