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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell PIL we can’t stay again unless they buy a new mattress?

60 replies

HenweeArcher · 25/01/2019 22:35

Talk about first world problem, I know Hmm

Currently staying with PIL for the weekend. We get on really well and they love having us and spending time with baby DS. DH was up early (5) for work and then drove us all here (a few hours away) and DS isn’t the best sleeper so we all came to bed at about 8 (we’re early bedtime people anyway - PIL know this and are fine with it) but DH has barely slept and I am yet to actually sleep. The spare bed has always been on the firm side but for some reason it is now horrendously hard. I might as well be sleeping on the floor. Add to that the fact it’s a small double so hard to feed DS comfortably (and he’s used to co-sleeping part of the night), makes a noise every time I roll over (which I am doing relentlessly) and it’s hotter than the sun itself in this bedroom! I am feeling thoroughly grumpy!

PIL are very hospitable and wonderful and I would feel so rude mentioning it but I actually don’t think I would come again if I knew I had to sleep like this Blush

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 25/01/2019 23:01

Nothing wrong with early to bed and early to rise. Surely that’s the kind of thing (harmless lifestyle difference) family should rise above rather than comment on.

Just OP the window OP, my babies all loved a cool winter breeze, you may find it helps him sleep.

delboysskinsandblister · 25/01/2019 23:10

I don't think it's rude to be honest and just say 'I really can't bear another night on that mattress'. Then you don't need to ask them to buy you one for when you stay. If they want you to stay over then you have to be able to sleep otherwise it's pure hell. You say you get on great with them so it shouldn't be an issue. I wouldn't mind.

StripeyDeckchair · 25/01/2019 23:11

Nobody sleeps in their spare bed so they've no idea how comfortable, or not, it is. I was mortified when my dad told me my spare bed mattress was too thin to be comfortable and bought a new one, then slept in the bed to test it.

They won't know the bed is uncomfortable unless someone tells them.

Notquiteagandt · 25/01/2019 23:13

Thing is a comfy mattress is subjective. I find a super hard mattress the comfiest. A soft mattress fills me with dread.

They / other guests could generally find it ok/ comfy.

So I am unsure how you could say something as you sleep in it infrequently.

shutlingsloe · 25/01/2019 23:16

We've just bought a new mattress after mil said our was uncomfortable- I checked, she was right!

Stardustinmyeyes · 25/01/2019 23:18

Our DS and fabulous DIL stayed with us and went up to bed with DGS at about 7.30 pm, I sent them a text message to tell them to stay put if they wanted to, we have a big house, they have their own bathroom and TV.
As you get on well with your PIL maybe just ask them to change the mattress

Claudia1980 · 26/01/2019 02:45

A small double is far too small for two adults and a child. Our PIL has one like this. We very rarely stayed because it was so uncomfortable.

Chouetted · 26/01/2019 03:13

Rude or not, I think you might have to say something - they'll get over the offence of being told their mattress is terrible far far quicker than the offence of never having you stay again!

DappledThings · 26/01/2019 03:14

Thing is a comfy mattress is subjective. I find a super hard mattress the comfiest. A soft mattress fills me with dread.

This. I don't sleep well at PIL's because the mattress is too soft. DH jokes my ideal bed would actually be just a layer of bricks. But the mattress there is fine for him and probably for any other guests they have.

Original poster
HenweeArcher · 26/01/2019 07:56

Well the first thing DH did this morning was go into PIL bedroom and complain (tactful!)😂 They agree thankfully!

OP posts:
AnotherPidgey · 26/01/2019 08:07

I've been known to sneak out of MiL's soft double bed matress and sleep on the floor.
Soft beds are terrible, your joints relax then seize up in all kinds of odd angles, plus DH is a lot bigger than me so I end up rolling down into him then getting hot and clammy.

Hell is filled with people sharing undersized soft matresses!

If the matress is worn out with springs digging in, then saying something is reasonable. If it is just personal taste then not really. I can't request king size (no space) extra firm slabs of matresses.

Hell is also filled with other people's sofas.

Kitsandkids · 26/01/2019 08:09

He went into their bedroom? While they were in bed? Before 8am? I know he’s their son but surely he could have waited?

FamilyOfAliens · 26/01/2019 08:15

He went into their bedroom? While they were in bed? Before 8am? I know he’s their son but surely he could have waited?

I was going to post exactly this. He sounds very rude.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 26/01/2019 08:16

You do realise that radiators turn down or off and windows open, it used to be the first thing we did when we arrived at in-laws but we don't have to now as they do if before we arrive.
If the bed is so small don't co sleep
If it's as bad as you said it's ok to mention but seriously he needs some manners, wait til every one is up for the day

Avocado0nToast · 26/01/2019 08:16

The spare bed in my parents house was really uncomfortable - my mum was mortified when we finally said. She never slept on it so didn't know. She brought a nice mattress topper - job done.

Teateaandmoretea · 26/01/2019 08:20

I am a bit Hmm about small double bed. Don't you mean normal sized, like the one I've had for the past 20 years? I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect ILs to have a bed that provides ideal conditions for co sleeping, after all a relatively short period of time.

In terms of the hardness can't you just buy a cheap mattress topper? Problem sorted.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 26/01/2019 08:26

Teatea a 'small double' is 4ft wide a double is 4ft 6.

Teateaandmoretea · 26/01/2019 08:31

Ah right okay. In a world where everyone else these days seems to have at least a king size I can see that could be a shock to the system Grin.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 26/01/2019 08:36

My parents are actively changing the mattresses in their house one by one to these mega hard so called orthopedic mattresses which neither my OH or myself can sleep on, they really hurt. We both have our very own, different back and/or joint issues and I don't understand why they want those throughout their house.

BertrandRussell · 26/01/2019 08:45

“He went into their bedroom? While they were in bed? Before 8am? I know he’s their son but surely he could have waited?”
Grin Our adult dd is here for the weekend. About an hour ago she came into the kitchen to make tea “I’m going to take one to dad- I want a chat” She’s now lying across the end of the bed telling him all about work.

Wallywobbles · 26/01/2019 08:45

At my parents it's singles only except for my 81yo mum and her boyfriend. They are so soft we usually put the mattresses on the floor. It's that or crippling back ache. Actually the bathroom carpet is so thick perhaps we should sleep there.

londonrach · 26/01/2019 08:46

Whispers...ive gone to bed at 8pm at my inlaws when dd was a baby and in fact this xmas as a toddler loads of times. I was tried simple reason. Mil slipped into her pjs too smiled and said hope you sleep welland grapped a book and slipped up to bed too. I know she was asleep by 8.15. Dh and dfil stayed up watching a film till 11. Did. The same as my parents too. Re the mattress talk to them and ask them to spend a night on it to see what they think op x

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/01/2019 08:47

Small double beds are IMO a nightmare for 2 adults. My mother had one, fine for just me on my many 'sleepovers' as she got older and needed help, not so much fun for 2. And that was years ago - I sleep worse now and there's no way I'd share a small double with dh any more.

If people want guests to stay, then unless they genuinely can't afford it, why on earth they don't provide a comfortable and adequate bed is beyond me.

PoliticalBiscuit · 26/01/2019 08:50

Ha! Yes this was us too. It was hotter than Satan's balls in their spare bedroom.

I spoke clearly when I was pregnant, saying I couldn't visit again it was too uncomfortable and asked if I could buy a mattress topper for the bed, and they went right out and bought one which was ready the next time we visited.

Kahlua4me · 26/01/2019 08:51

Glad they have agreed with dh about the bed, hopefully you can help them choose a new one 😀

I don’t see the issue with dh going into their bedroom if he has a good relationship with them I doubt he went storming in, woke them and up and shouted his complaint...