To think this isn’t on (childminder and school events)

[PoutySprout]

I arrange a lot of events at DD’s school.

One of the mums from DD’s class registered as a childminder about 18 months ago. She has 2 children now at the school (year 3 and reception). She has the maximum number of minded children she’s allowed to have. Causes chaos in the morning when she blocks everyone else in in the car park with her minibus, then herds the children 4 abreast as the lay crawl towards the school entrance (across a road) and blocking everyone else who just wants to be able to travel at a reasonable pace.

Anyway, since she started this she brings her minded children to school events. Discos (the triple pushchair gets in the way and she regularly loses the older children either inside or outside the school because she just can’t keep control of all of them). She came to several Xmas shows, had the kids push to the front of the queue and then hog the front seats, changed nappies and left the bags under the seats for the whole performance, fed them snacks she brought with her (we sell snacks - that’s the point) and then ignored them whilst they tried to climb on stage, winged, ran off to pull a xmas tree apart because she was filming her kids on her iPad and blocking the view of the parents behind her (we sell a DVD for a few £s). Other parent helpers are whinging to me about it, but it’s hard to know what to do. The headteacher is aware but seemingly not bothered enough to do anything about it.

Surely the minded children’s parents don’t expect them to be cared for in this way?ive never used a child minder so don’t know what’s normal.

The parking is annoying and the club should be taking that up with her.
The children walking slowly is a petty thing to target that’s not doing anyone any harm
She doesn’t sound very considerate at events but I’m sure this type of crap behaviour isn’t limited to CMs though.
It is weird that parents have to stay with their kids at the discos tbh.
At our school parents absolutely do not stay unless they are helping. We usually have 10-20 parent helpers for both the infant and junior disco and that’s plenty of adult supervision. Most schools will not expect parents to supervise their children at these type of events.

Ps I would also tell the complainers to complain to her not you it’s not your job to enforce parking rules. People love to push stuff onto the PTA chair but you don’t have to take it.

You sound like a right jobs worth OP! Honestly take some weed or something to calm yourself down!

Your language and attitude screams martyr !

This is all really for the school to deal with. It sounds like they need to set some boundaries, both for this parent and the PTA.

You are PTA, it is not your place to do anything. She is a parent at the school and it is the schools responsibility to deal with it, you can mention to school what you have put here but that is all you can do.

The school needs to set clear boundaries for the PTA as much as they do for this parent, you are not staff. Parking is the headteachers issue, its a bugger to sort but is nothing to do with the PTA, school plays are not run by the PTA, however much they like to pretend they are, it is the staff that put hours into arranging them, making props, chasing for costumes etc, you might sell snacks and dvds but its not a PTA event.

If parents are complaining at you then you need to tell them to talk to the school, because as PTA you represent the school in parents eyes but won't know any background, any policies etc and giving the wrong answer can cause hours of work for the actual staff!

In our school due to limited space tickets for events are limited to two per family. Why not do that?

At our school parents absolutely do not stay unless they are helping. We usually have 10-20 parent helpers for both the infant and junior disco and that’s plenty of adult supervision. Most schools will not expect parents to supervise their children at these type of events.

I can’t see that working when we only have 3-4 parent volunteers (and we struggle to get that sometimes!). I would imagine other parents wouldn’t want to be forced to take responsibility for other people’s children whilst their parents left them to it.

In our school due to limited space tickets for events are limited to two per family. Why not do that?

The school sell the tickets. 2 per family would I guess halve their income and affect how much they can spend on props etc.

school plays are not run by the PTA, however much they like to pretend they are, it is the staff that put hours into arranging them, making props, chasing for costumes etc, you might sell snacks and dvds but its not a PTA event.

At our school it’s very much a partnership. (And editing the footage of 4 plays/different casts, organising orders and be bring DVDs takes me bloody hours too).

I'm the chair of our PTA, it's a thankless task sometimes and largely under appreciated. It sounds like you're doing great things for your school - a new climbing frame is a big achievement.
However - you really need to step back and stop feeling responsible for almost everything regarding this woman. She sounds like a bit of a dick but there are plenty of dicks about! If she's been asked and warned to stop abusing the car park then just close it. Be honest, send out a message saying that you do not have the capacity to deal with ongoing complaints so unless somebody else would like to take over the role of Car Park Manager, the contract with the club will be terminated in 14 days and parents will need to find alternative parking.
I think our PTA is less active than yours, and better supported by school staff but you can only do what you can do - if you're unsupported and it's causing you grief just stop it.

OP, you're doing a really important and valuable job for the school. I volunteer myself and although it isn't in a school it does involve dealing almost exclusively with parents and young children. It's very easy to get dragged deeper and deeper into a self imposed management style role when you care deeply about your organisation and the people who use it.

Now its time to take a big step back. Work out which of the problems are actually the PTA's responsibility. When someone complains about something that literally isn't your problem, signpost them straight to the school or other appropriate authority- so just "Oh, you'd need to talk to the head/ the council/ ofsted (?) about that." Most people will decide their moans aren't that important after all and people with serious complaints will get them dealt with.

This woman is obviously pretty inconsiderate and thick skinned. I had to deal with a circle of four just like this turning a group I run into what felt like a riot and the other parents complaining to me. What worked was getting to know them a bit as individuals and separating out real issues from the ones that were really just based on me being thoroughly annoyed that the group had a new and more challenging dynamic. That and politely telling people who complained to me to speak to the person they felt was causing the problem.

Once I was no longer fuming and feeling besieged (and everyone realised I wasn't my job to deal with the type of gripes they were bringing up) everything calmed down because people had to rub along or leave. Most people won't leave a group or event that is enjoyable and benefits them or their child but prefer to adjust their own expectations a little instead.

Any future online rants, just stay right away from them. Block people on your own sites and ignore posts made elsewhere. It is very obvious when someone is having an unreasonable rant, so don't legitimise it by responding.

Do you find the head ducks round corners when he sees you coming op?
I think the whole thing is just tough luck I'm afraid!
Also I'm surprised you're privy to the highly confidential information that no children in the school are considered at risk.

I am amazed that the school allow you to run a disco for 100 children with only 3 parent volunteers. Also do you have a hall big enough for 100 children plus supervising parents (200 individuals)?

Our school discos require parents to stay. Events are strictly ticketed and numbers are limited. Minded children wouldn't be allowed, but then the discos are in the evening after our local childminders have finished for the day. There are usually around 10 PTA volunteers, plus a couple of members of the teaching staff and the caretaker remain on site. The front door is kept locked and the caretaker stays on the door all night.

I used to be a governor and if there was an incident of a child escaping then this would have been investigated and changes put in place to prevent it happening again.

@PoutySprout

'Why not ask her to park in that space then'

"Gosh. That hasn’t occurred to me.

Of course I fucking have."

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time OP.

• Very inconsiderate and possibly dangerous parking.
• Letting kids run wild in public and destroy things.
• Blocking people's views with an iPad to film.

I've seen loads of threads mentioning those problems individually and people usually agree the OP isn't BU being bothered by those things.

Some of the other complaints are a bit petty but the main ones aren't.

You mention that circulars have gone out to parents about inconsiderate parking but have you actually sent her a letter stating that since you have had complaints from the club and parents about her parking in particular, you have agreed with the club that if she parks anywhere other than the designated space for minibusses/coaches, then the car park will be closed? (and obvs follow through). The parking is the only bit of her cheeky fuckery that has anything to do with you, so the only bit you need to resolve.

I used to be a governor and if there was an incident of a child escaping then this would have been investigated and changes put in place to prevent it happening again.

Yes, I was thinking about that earlier when I mentioned door security - the concept of 'the parents are responsible' as the only safety measure seemed a bit worrying

The thing is by shouldering the complaints about the CM - who does sound like a dick - the school are escaping responsibility for dealing with them.

The PTA organising a DVD of a school play doesn’t mean the school can forfeit their obligations when a parent sits in the front row filming with an iPad.

Responsibility for a toddler running of during an event should prompt a review of the arrangements for that event by the school & PTA, for example does there need to be an adult on the door at future events? Is parental supervision working? Do teachers need to be there? You might not decide to make any changes, but it’s good to ask questions.

It might also be appropriate to report the CM to ofsted.

You seem to be getting an unfair ride here op.

The way I read it you do not hate thss woman, but the affect her actions have on others. She seems very inconsiderate.

If people are complaining about how she parks, they need to all tell her, not you.

You do not appear to think you are the head, but maybe the head isn't bothered by it, as you are getting the complaints instead of them.

I can’t see that working when we only have 3-4 parent volunteers
I would say no volunteers no discos then. When I was PTA chair I cancelled the school fair one year because it was going to be impossible to run on the number of volunteers. Next year we had more volunteers. People won’t step up all the time they know you’ll fill the gaps.

How many events are you putting on for it to be as much of an issue as to post on here?!

I do have a lot of sympathy for you OP running the PTA is a hard thankless job but you need to keep referring the complainers back to the school.

Clearly just providing a car park with no further input doesn't work.
If you don't have the time/inclination to manage the car park yourself then you either need to:
Find someone else to volunteer
Employ a parking attendant
Stop providing a car park

There’s several issues here.

Walking slowly isn’t a crime, it’s just an annoyance which can’t be avoided with small children.

The school productions: the school needs to take a grip here. They should be supportive of the PTA and announce at the beginning of the show that no filming is allowed, and that DVDs will be available for sale. The school should also be responsible for fire safety during productions. Our school allows two tickets to be bought per family (not per child). The school put out letters/emails/texts prior to ticket sale dates reminding parents that no buggies are permitted in the hall due to fire safety.

School discos: we have the same set up as you. Parents of pre-school children are the responsibility of their parents/carers. A member of the PTA now hangs out at the door once the disco starts and prevents children leaving the premises. This means that there are fewer helpers available to serve juice, stick on transfers etc, but what can you do if no one else volunteers to help? Every child who stays at the disco has to pay entrance.

The parking: I don’t know what more you can do. If the PTA have publicised that the car park won’t be available for use if crap parking persists, and if the car park owners have done the same, then maybe it’s time to call it quits and state why (not naming and shaming, but stating it’s due to inconsiderate parking).

Your school sounds thoroughly unsupportive if it’s PTA. I’d probably quit to be honest.

*Fair play bringing own snacks and filming own kids. Some PTAS charge a fortune for things.
You don't like her much do you? *

Of course OP doesn't like her - she's inconsiderate and annoying! I wouldn't like her either. OP already said they don't charge a fortune for the DVD's.

There were 12 xmas shows and 2 carol concerts. A disco once a term (1 infant, 1 junior each time). Usually a couple of parent and child events like quizzes, bingo etc a year. There’s a summer show. We run xmas or summer fairs if there are enough volunteers (not for last couple of years). There’s a sponsored bike ride in the spring (school organises and we support). We do a couple of challenges for the children during the year. An Easter egg hunt for the little ones. A raffle at xmas and sometimes at Easter too. Macmillan coffee morning in September. Possibly a bake sale or 2.