To ask when you're in ICU in a coma, who cleans you?

[LadyandGent]

Is it female for females?

When awake, I've never had a male nurse wash me down. It was more curiosity I guess than anything else. It's just so much that went on that I don't know about, the little details can enter my head from time to time.
I really really don't want to die in a hospital. I'd like to be independent to a ripe old age and die in my sleep. Far more likely I'll die from cigarette smoking at a young age

I never met my ICU nurses. By the time I woke up and was aware of my surroundings, I was in a private room on a general medical ward. I couldn't walk, so sent DH to get a card which I wrote out and sent him to deliver it to them. They really were lovely according to him and always had boxes of sweets or chocolates, so that's what I got them.
There are lots of things that creep into my head since, at random times about that time I was in the coma.
I'm a bit of a control freak, so being so vulnerable is really my worst nightmare.
It was just idle musing rather than any great concern. You've alleviated my concerns that even if it was a male nurse, then I'm sure he was perfectly fine with doing it.
I'm a little sad that I was in a coma, but equally grateful for the consultant who pulled me through. Basically I had pneumonia, then developed SARS, then all my organs started shutting down and then I managed to come alive again!
I can remember the consultants words to me when I was half-way sane. 'You had us scared there for a while'.

Lol, I often wonder whether they prefer unconscious patients rather than real live ones! I was happily telling him about my 3 children (two of which I had rescued during my coma). Lol.

And to everyone else who has posted about being in a coma or having had a relative in one, the delusions are utterly bonkers! It takes you about 2 days to figure out that it's not real and was just a 'dream'.
My Dad in particular was quite distressed that I might not have woken up. When I told him that I was busy having babies, he relaxed. I think he was in a lot of fear that I may have been in distress.
A lot of the dreams/hallucinations/delusions/don't know what they're called when I was in a coma involved either being very tired, or struggling to breathe. I was struggling to breathe as my lungs had failed, so that makes sense, and I guess the drugs keeping you in a coma made me tired, so that also makes sense.
It's weird how vivid those delusions can be though!

Due to a severe brain injury my husband has had all aspects of personal care done for him for the past 2 years. We have been in ICU, HDU , 5 different hospitals and 2 nursing homes. Everywhere we have been his personal care has been done by 2 people at a time, usually women, sometimes men, sometimes one man and one women. Every single person that has cared for him have been amazing and you can tell that they take great pride in making their patients clean and comfortable. They wash him, dress him, shave him, put on aftershave, I usually sort his nails , cut his hair and stray eyebrows but that is because I want too, they would sort anything I asked them too. You can tell the staff become very attached to patients they are caring for and they treat people how they would want to be treated. I think nurses and carers are wonderful, they do their job because they love it and want to care for people. I am grateful to every single one.

The lady who had a baby recently had been in a coma for 26 years since she was 3. She was in a long-term care facility in the USA, where standards would be much less stringent than in an ICU.

People in ICU can always be seen at all times by the entire staff, there are curtains for privacy but they don't conceal what the staff are doing.

It occurred to me, after posting on this thread yesterday, that medical science is so advanced that people are now routinely surviving injury and illness that the human brain is not really equipped to deal with.

So it’s not really surprising that post-icu trauma is a thing. It’s one of the residual problems my daughter has (she’s now 7).

Thanks RavenMaven - the nurses are my muse! My DD is doing amazingly well, recovering from what is still fatal for 40% of people diagnosed with it.
She’s in now remission, but still dealing with the long term aspects of recovery from such a catastrophic disease, including the damage it’s done to her mental health, she’s lived through circumstances that you wouldn’t want a kid her age to watch in a tv drama, so that’s a big thing to get past. Plus the medications that treated her HLH have given her Cushings syndrome and hypertrichosis.

I really think the mental health/trauma aspect of surviving near fatal circumstances is underestimated - I certainly had no understanding of it until I witnessed my daughter’s experience. My own mental health is shaky - luckily for me, my daughters hospital understands and provides for this - mums who somehow manage to keep it together while kids are ill are prone to breakdowns when their children begin to recover.

I feel so privileged to have had a window into this world, and also to be able to leave it behind. Fingers crossed DD doesn’t relapse, but if she does, I know she’ll be in the best hands imaginable.

Not sure if this has been mentioned already but post ICU it can be common to have questions. Patients often have flashbacks and of course while unconscious it can be deeply unsettling to wonder what went on.

Most Trusts recognise this nowadays and have nurses specially trained to explain what happened, it is known tool to help in recovery. If you ring the ICU and ask the clinical nurse manager if they have someone who could meet and discuss your experience I'm sure they'll be happy to help.

😊 it’s nothing special, it’s simple and easy but as important as anything else that I do in a shift.

Because it is one of the only things that we can do to make someone actually “feel better”, it’s one of the most satisfying.

Cleaning teeth using toothpaste and a toothbrush around the tube is another thing, lip balm onto dry lips, it’s just lovely to do.

Relatives notice dry chapped lips, a usually clean shaven family member with stubble, they just don’t look loved do they.
I don’t want them to have that as a memory, I want them to remember that their precious relative was loved and cared for, in our care they were actually cared for.

The other stuff, the glamorous sexy stuff in icu is ok... but the washing etc is caring, purely and simply.

I feel very strongly about this.

Not ITU but I had a mixture of male and female nurses/hcp wash me and do bedpans/wipe but when I had a period I only had female. I didn’t request it but they obviously had put on females on to deal with it (for my sake).

ITU is so monitored and observed. This thread is lovely and most of the nhs is wonderful but sadly I have had friends sexually and emotionally abused in hospitals. One friend was 16 with on going emotional and slowly escalating sexual abuse (luckily she told someone before it progressed to penetration), when she got to the ward in the first place other girls warned her about him. It was an open ward but curtains would be drawn and she had no speech at the time (it stopped when she regained speech and told someone). Someone else I know was raped by a HCP in a side room. I don’t want to scare anyone or bring down the mood of this lovely thread but I think more awareness is needed that this is going on still. I’ve only ever been treated with care and respect but wish that was everyone’s experience

Also I had a super heavy period, it flooded everywhere in the bed, looked like a murder scene. I was embarrassed at first and remember the hcp face of shock before switching to a breezy ‘will just get some help’. I was rolled around, cleaned up, a big incontience pad put between my leg, found out one of the nurses also floods and was made to feel fine about it. It must be so hard to know you had these things done but no memory of it though

I'm guessing from the diary, that there must have been days when it was a male nurse cleaning me. I don't like the idea, it didn't affect me at the time, so I shouldn't really care. When I came out of the coma I had two awful women who would clean me then lift me up into a sitting position in the bed. Different women, but they really hurt me. I guess that's why I have the questions. If they can hurt you when you're awake, what are they doing to you in a coma.

Were you still in icu when the 2 women hurt you? I swear most icu staff are more gentle, both naturally and also so not to disturb equipment and lines

No, when I was in ICU I was unconscious. These were women who dragged me into a sitting position in the bed after I was conscious again. HCA's maybe? But they both put an arm under my oxter and dragged me up which really really hurt because I'm quite thin, so don't have much padding. They were really cruel and wouldn't entertain the idea that it was hurting. I don't think they were nurses. It really hurt and I'd try to tell them that I was ok lying down, but they'd still do it.

And that's another thing I'm just after remembering. I had bruises everywhere when I woke up. Particularly on my arms. Ex told me that's probably to be expected, but in hindsight, I'm not feeling happy about it.

Have you had a meeting since being discharged? You should be able to request a meeting with your doctor and a nurse who can help fill in the blanks, answer all your questions and hopefully reassure you. Everyone I’ve known who have had these meetings have found them beneficial (doesn’t mean to say it would be for you)

They would be able to explain your bruises and what is and isn’t normal too

If you are talking about changing incontinence pads etc could be either
In my recent experience hospital staff do not have time to wash or bed bath patients any more
Even in ICU

Last year I was in hospital with bilateral pneumonia and flu, Iwas looked after by critical care team on HDU.
I also have to say that I was cared for by both male and female Nurses and HCA's.
I was given personal care by both Nurses and HCA's and have to say that the sex of the person looking after me was the last of my worries at the time.
On my discharge I was given phone number of the critical care team to call if i needed any follow up information, and a week after discharge they called me to check i was ok.
It may be worth asking your NHS trust if they have this information for you.

We also have patient diary’s that we and the family fill in daily, these are great for filling in loads of blanks.

This was two years ago. About a month after discharge, I was invited to a discussion team. I didn't go. The questions are just building up now.

It's just random questions that I have. Nothing like ptsd.

For e.g., they gave my DH leaflets on what to expect when I came out of the coma. He didn't keep them. So I'd be crying for no reason and he'd say 'oh they told me to expect that'. I was like, why the fuck didn't you keep the leaflets so that I know what to expect. 'I didn't think'. He was as thick as two 6 inch blocks, hence ex.

You could probably still get copies of the leaflets if you’d like to read them? The NHS page on ICU has links to various related orgs, you might find it useful? www.nhs.uk/conditions/intensive-care/

icusteps.org

These are the leaflets one trust gives out, I don’t know where you are based but they will likely be very similar and you could probably find your local ones with a similar key word search:

This appears to be the main one: www.ouh.nhs.uk/patient-guide/leaflets/files/13972Plife.pdf

And there are more here:
www.ouh.nhs.uk/services/departments/intensive-care/leaflets.aspx

When my late aunt was in ICU, one of the regular nurses was male, and he was lovely. I also helped wash her when I was visiting.

When my late mum was in hospital, one of the male nurses called her "disgusting" for wetting the bed - she'd rung the bell, but nobody came, and by the time he arrived she'd wet herself and he then had to change the bed. I arrived just as he was finishing up, and she was just silently weeping as he worked. I've never forgotten it. (Yes I made a complaint. No, nothing happened as a result.)

I think it's absolutely fine and reasonable to only want carers of one sex to attend to you - personal care is such an intimate thing, and everyone is allowed boundaries. But you do have to have it somewhere on your notes, otherwise it's pot luck.

I don't think I had incontinence pads, as I had a cathether and a tube up my ass! And a tube in my nose. It was bloody horrible. But I guess, they kept me alive, so needs must.