Am I too young to get married?

[namechangejac]

Name changed so it's not linked to my other threads. Not looking for any nasty comments.

I'm 19, DP is 21. We have a toddler together and have been together for 3.5 years (a bit rocky until we had DS but we (he) completely grew up).
I just love our little family. Each to their own and some people see it as such a negative to settle down so young or say you're 'missing out' on stuff like travelling etc, but I couldn't imagine my life any better than it is.

I'd love to get married. Maybe not right now but I'm thinking in about a year! We have an incredibly strong relationship and good communication, a child together, a home, the only factor that makes it 'not the right time' is our age, I suppose. I'm not interested in a big, fancy wedding do (so we wouldn't be forking out a ton of money!)
DM looks at me like I'm crazy every time I bring up the concept of marriage. We openly discuss careers, running a home, plans in getting a mortgage, other children, but when marriage gets brought up with her, I feel like she looks at me like I'm a 14 year old saying I want to get married to a boyfriend of 3 weeks!

Am I too young? Is everyone going to look at us like we are crazy if we consider it - and should that even matter to us?

You've already had a child together so I don't see how you'd be doing all those typical 20s things like travelling and partying anyway.

There's no reason not to get married when you are connected through your DC anyway. I don't really get your DM's attitude! Just bear in mind that we change so much from our teens to our 30s so you may be completely different people then and end up divorcing. That sounds negative but it's the reality so if you accept that there may not be a huge chance of you still being happily married in the future, go for it.

🤷‍♀️I had just turned 20 when we got married. 3 and a half decades later and a lot of shite were still together and happy

Dh and I married at 20, still going strong 20 years later.
What works for us though might not be for you.
What matters is why you want to, do you both feel as strongly as the other, and be able to talk with each other about how you see life once you're married. Make sure you are both looking at it the same way, before its official

I was married at 19.
Been married 5 years this summer, we have 2 kids and another on the way.
It’s a very personal decision and only you know if it’s the right one for you.
We got all the usual raised eyebrows - my grandparents thought I was pregnant and that was the only reason for it (I wasn’t. I didn’t fall pregnant until a few weeks after the wedding).

Generally "yes", you are young but considering that you are already living together and have a child together - make it official, why not? If my daughter was in that situation I would be happy to see her married.

I suppose it could be said that a little more life experience would be good before settling down to marriage etc but you have a child so you are 'grounded' for the next decade or two anyway so I would go for it if you feel your relationship is good. Not too young. If your marriage succeeds then you will both be relatively young when the DCs are grown up and you can do all the 'things' like travelling and stuff then. Theres a lot to be said for that I think.

Ah and don't underestimate the feeling of missing out that you may have in the future. I'm referring to not having experienced being with other men. So in that regard, you may want to wait a few years because you may realise as you get older that he's not for you at all. No need to rush into marriage when you're still so young and still changing.

You've already had a child together so I don't see how you'd be doing all those typical 20s things like travelling and partying anyway.

This. I don't see why having a child is seen as a smaller issue than getting married? You've already made the ultimate "growing up" commitment in my mind.

Yes in general, but you sound pretty mature and know what you're about.

So I say go for it!

Having a child together is more of a commitment than marriage.

For me, yes that would have been too young, I changed so much until about 25. But, you're a different person in a totally different situation

It you are old enough to have a child you are old enough to be married.

@bibbidybobbidyboo this is my view - so I'm always taken aback when people probe me about when we are having a second, but look like I've lost the plot when I mention that I want to get married!

If you didn’t have a child together I would say yes. But a child is bigger commitment than marriage so it doesn’t really matter either way now!

I met my DH at 16, we bought a house when I was 18, engaged at 19 and married at 23.

The only reason we didn't get married within a year of getting engaged (ie when I was 20) was because all our money was going into our house.

When you know you know I think, if you live together and have DC then I don't see why not get married.

(DH and I have been together 21 years next week btw!)

If you hadn't already had a child I'd say yes. As you have then I'd say crack on.

You can still travel when you get married , if you are secure in the relationship I don't see why marrying young is a negative thing

What’s the rush? Why are you doing everything so young? Most people study, work travel live before starting a family and there’s a reason for that. Each to their own I suppose. Don’t know anyone that married before 25 and that seemed young.

I was 23 when I got married to DH so not quite as young as you buy still very young. We've now been together for 13 years, married for 9 and have a house and two children. I don't think you're too young at all. You already have a child together and are planning a future and you already do everything most married couples do anyway just without the legal marriage bit! As long as you can afford to do it I'd say go ahead and congratulations when the day comes!

Nope. Not at all. You've made the ultimate commitment of having a child together. If she thinks you shouldn't be married she is saying she doesn't believe your relationship will last forever. I'd ask her why she thinks that.

If you are lucky enough at 19 to have met the guy you want to be with forever and he feels the same then there is no reason at all not to get married. What does DP think?

I got married last year to my lovely DH, I was 18. We have a 2 year old and a 7 month old and we are happier than ever. I don’t believe there’s a right age, if you’re both happy and ready to commit to eachother then go for it. By the time our children are in their 20’s we’ll be in mid to late 30s, and will be more than fit to travel and experience the things that we didn’t before having kids

@Yabbers he's on board and wants to, but he's also getting irritated because he's always wanted to propose in a surprising and romantic way and with me bringing up marriage every other week, there's not going to be an element of surprise! 😂

@namechangejac

Yep, that seems backwards to me! Ignore them OP, you're seem level-headed and mature and if you and your partner want to get married, you should do.

I was married at just turned 20,DH was 21,we had a 4 month old son at the time,it was a quickly organised cheap small wedding.We've now been married for 14.5 years and have 3 more kids.No regrets at all about marrying when we did.If it feels right for you and it's what you want go for it.

Definitely yes, do it! I got married when I was 21, the summer I finished uni. I don't think I've missed out on anything, I just see it as being able to do things (travelling etc) with my best friend rather than by myself. We've been married for 11 years now (together for 16, so you can see how young I was when we got together!)

I think you should get married as you have a child - if you didnt i would say too young. You need the protection marriage gives you now you have a child.