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Original poster

My DS15 hates going to his dads and I don't know what to do

55 replies

archlight · 25/01/2019 01:26

My DS 15 has gone to his dads every other weekend from the age of 2 (when we split) until now. He is now saying he hates going, it's boring, there is no WIFI?!

I think he needs to go anyway even if it's boring, it's his dad and he needs to keep in touch. His dad is a nice bloke.

I just feel so awkward with DDS moaning about staying with us at a weekend and his dad texting me asking if there is a problem? I do tell DS that he needs text his dad but he also feels guilty. So it is me left with having to explain why he doesn't want to go.

I'm hoping for nice replies as we have a good relationship, I just think it's teenagers that are difficult!

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 25/01/2019 01:30

Are you sure that's his only reason for not going?

Can he talk to his friends while he's there? I assume no WiFi means he can't chat to his mates online?

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 01:59

He's still local but his dad will not take him anywhere, like friends houses. So the furthest he goes is Tesco.
I get it he's bored and he is more more more than welcome to stay with us on a weekend. I just feel bad his dad is a bit shit?

Like how much is it to go to the cinema, or bowling????

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 25/01/2019 02:02

I think that's the issue. It's probably not so much the lack of WiFi but being stuck in a house with just your dad for company is a nightmare.

He's 15, if his dad isn't treating him fairly - and if you agree that's the case - he doesn't HAVE to go. And he can tell his dad exactly why.

MrsTerryPratcett · 25/01/2019 02:04

The thing is, in a two parent family, he wouldn't hang out with his Dad for hours on end on the weekend. He'd be out, playing games, chatting with friends... He can't do any of that? No wonder he doesn't want to go.

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 02:04

Obviously he never HAS to go. But I feel sad he no longer wants to go 😩

OP posts:
user139328237 · 25/01/2019 02:06

The average 15 year old doesn't want to go bowling or cinema with Daddy though. Its almost certainly the lack of wifi as the vast majority of teenagers will happily spend several days in their room if they have an internet connection.
Why doesn't he have wifi though as its hardly a new expensive invention or unavailable to large swathes of the population.

Graphista · 25/01/2019 02:06

Cinema and bowling aren't cheap, what's his dad's financial situation if he doesn't even have wifi?

Doesn't do your lad any harm to experience boredom BUT your ex shovel be doing SOMETHING with him, does he not even take him to park for a kick about? Swimming is usually fairly cheap, going out for a run? On bikes? Even playing board games or card games?

His dad does need to make an effort or the relationship will sour for at least next 5/10 years

MrsTerryPratcett · 25/01/2019 02:07

But I feel sad he no longer wants to go

It's a normal part of growing up. Not wanting to hang out with parents as much.

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 02:08

Because @Graphista his dad doesn't pay for broadband!

OP posts:
Graphista · 25/01/2019 02:08

Yes but I'm asking if that's a choice or ltd funds?

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 02:10

@Graphista funds I think most definitely.
Although he regularly takes holidays with his new girlfriend and her kids. My son feels a bit excluded.

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 25/01/2019 02:24

He is 15, if he doesn't want to stay at his dads he doesn't have to. Stop forcing him, the time is coming very soon that he might just walk out on both of his parents for controlling him so much.

Joboy · 25/01/2019 02:32

Can you get him data for his phone or one of those mini wifi box .ee did them . It will cost you.
Teacher him how to make a hot spot with his phone or how to do tethering .
But at the of day. Teach him about buses .
Work what day rider ticket is called snd get him.
So he csn go out snd about.

Coyoacan · 25/01/2019 02:41

I think this is an issue between his dad and himself and doesn't really need your input.

Monty27 · 25/01/2019 02:45

OP they grow up and know what they don't or do want to do. If df comes and takes him somewhere interesting he may feel differently.
My DC's got fed up of being stuck in a flat all weekend. They grew out of it before secondary school.

MrsTerryPratcett · 25/01/2019 03:12

Although he regularly takes holidays with his new girlfriend and her kids.

Maybe he's worked out what his dad's priorities are.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/01/2019 03:14

My Son aged 12 prefers to be at his grandparents as opposed to staying with his mother. He has even suggested when he is older he will do what one of his friends at school did and say in court he does not want to stay with his mother as she does not let him do anything. Wow.

His mother was overly strict with her daughter in my view and it often led to violence and police being called to the house. This is a worry as Son is much stronger than his half sister and if he were to hit back he could injure his mother easily. A 15 year old boy vs 54 year old woman is not much of a contest.

However, not convinced that his only motivation to stay at grandparents. They give him a free run as he is their only grandchild.

I built a Log Cabin in grandparents garden for me to stay in while I am in the UK. Son likes to stay there as it has; WiFi, 65" TV, fridge, heating system and can sleep up to 3 people easily. Grandparents bought him both a PlayStation and XBox and gaming chairs.

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 07:42

@Walkingdeadfangirl I don't force him at all. He hasn't been this year yet, I just feel bad cause his dads not a bad bloke, just seems to not have a clue or care about keeping entertained for two days!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 25/01/2019 07:48

I think at this age you need to take a step back and let him maintain the relationship with his dad (or not!) and let him decide where he goes.

My dd is 15 (nearly 16) and had always spent every other weekend with her dad. Then he moved to the USA and got remarried and had more children and she now feels that when she goes to stay with him (twice a year) he doesn’t make any effort with her at all. It’s sad really. So now she says she doesn’t want to go, which is fair enough and I don’t make her FaceTime him- it’s all her decision.

I think at 15 their friends become more important- people will laugh about it but not having WiFi for a whole weekend will alienate your son, he will miss out on lots socially. I think your dh either needs to accept this and get WiFi or some sort of way for your son to get online or accept that their relationship is changing.

Shakirasma · 25/01/2019 07:50

He really needs to get wifi, homework and revision are a big thing at DS age, plus the need for entertainment and socialisation if he's just stuck in the house with his dad. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to go.

PookieDo · 25/01/2019 07:56

My DD2 stopped going when she was 13 she is 15 this year

I let her choose. There was a fall out but now she will visit day time only once a month and actually since standing up to him I have a happier child

IMO there isn’t a good reason a father doesn’t know they need to do things with their kids. With mine he took them to the shops and then had another baby so everything is baby related - like soft play!!!

DroningOn · 25/01/2019 07:59

You need to let him make his own decisions, he's old enough.

Your EXH is the issue not DS.

BeatNickBeamer · 25/01/2019 08:01

I would just be honest with his dad. Of course a 15 year old doesn't want to just sit around the house with his parent (even a nice parent) all weekend.

Original poster
archlight · 25/01/2019 08:02

I agree with everyone saying it's his own decision and I never force him to go.

Maybe that's just it now, and he'll arrange to see him if/when he wants from now on.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
NicolaStart · 25/01/2019 08:03

What does he do when he spends the weekend with you?

I don’t ‘take’ my 15 yo anywhere, he walks, or gets bus or train to meet his friends, go to parties etc. Can’t your Ds do that from his Dad’s

Just say to his Dad “he is a teenager, he wants to spend weekends with his friends and use the internet. And he feels excluded because you go on holidays with your gf’s children “

Can he meet up with his Dad for specific events?

Tbh if he is 15 and his Dad isn’t making an effort I would just let him do as he pleases.

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