Social services..

[CandyCreeper]

Posted recently about my sons school referring me to SS. I had a phone call this evening at 6pm on my landline from what appears to be the LA phone number. Im taking it its social services? (not expecting anything else) but aibu in thinking it is an odd time to call? I missed it as have been in bed with flu this also means my house isnt at its best because im ill, can/will they turned up unannounced??

[LovingLola]

OP should be careful and get rid of them asap. She's done nothing wrong, but a social worker may see differently

How do you propose she gets rid of them??

[NotANotMan]

I'm pretty sure about 98% of what boaty is saying is bollocks

[KellyW88]

@CandyCreeper - I get the anxiety issue, I’ve suffered with it myself for several years and the first few visits left me in tears afterwards because I was so emotionally drained after four months of being in the NICU watching my beautiful babies fight to survive (they are both doing very well now :D) that my anxiety skyrocketed and so I became extremely defensive, not saying you will do the same mind, just wanted to share my experience as I know how galling the thought of a SS visit can be, but hang in there you’re doing fine. Let yourself rest and get better, I can’t imagine how absolutely shattered you must be with 4 DC and the Flu! If a bit of a tidy helps keep you calm then just don’t overdo it and make yourself more ill

@BoatyMcBoatFace2 absolutely there are some nasty ones too, like in most professions and I’m sorry your poor cousin had such a horrible experience :(

The first visit I had I felt the woman was an absolute Bull Dog, she was intimidating, extremely intrusive and accused me twice of outright lying until I provided her with evidence that I wasn’t, that on both occasions miscommunication had caused the issues (we had SEVERAL healthcare professionals involved in the first year making home visits, GP Health Visitor, Hospital Continual Care Nurses, Oxygen Team Nurses and finally SS so miscommunications were bound to happen) she softened a little bit after I showed her I could complete the tasks raised and eventually I was passed onto a different, much nicer SS worker. I thank my lucky stars this happened as I know others aren’t so lucky!

[Nicknacky]

boaty You said some ruin lives. I was replying to that.

[Queenofthestress]

My DD at just shy of two fell top to bottom down the stairs. I had more grief off the A&E doctors, ward nurses and the consultants than I did the social worker that followed.They are not out to get you. They're there in the interests of the children.

[BoatyMcBoatFace2]

He worked alongside social workers and for LA. He didn't see people individually to hear them complainant about SS. He was involved in cases.

[PooleySpooley]

Social workers breathe a sigh of relief when they close a case that isn’t CIN or CP.

[BoatyMcBoatFace2]

Social workers work alongside other professionals too like therapists. They don't always work alone.

[Queenofthestress]

@BoatyMcBoatFace2 he was/is beyond unprofessional discussing the cases with you and I'm surprised he kept his license long enough to retire. What the fuck.

[Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump]

You can choose to take my advice or not. It’s from my experience.

It can be taken negatively if they can’t contact you.

Even when it’s unrelated to the allegation, they check cupboards, fridge, bedrooms and do want to see clean and tidy.

Just don’t give them anything they can potentially make an issue of and don’t be defensive.

[PooleySpooley]

Normally in Childrens Services they work with CAMHS.

[OlennasWimple]

OP - if your house is generally clean and tidy beyond the normal "there are five us living here and I've had D&V mess", then don't worry.

If your house needs significant cleaning, maybe consider asking for help (from SS or another source) to get it to the point where SS could come round unannounced and not have concerns

If they have taken 5 days to get round to calling you, it's because your case has been assessed as lower risk than the other cases that they have been working on.

6pm is a good time to call in many cases, as most working parents with children will be home around then but it's before bed and bath is in full swing (usually)

[lifeof]

Arseholes? Really?

I was accused of serious abuse a couple of years ago. It was a malicious referral by my child’s nursery manager (we had argued as he had medical issues and she bullied me, and then forced me to pay extra even though I provided all his snacks)
She alleged I’d made up all his conditions
She alleged I fraudulently claimed dla
She made up that she had witnessed an incident of cruelty

One of those ‘arseholes’ you refer to came straight out and a child protection investigation began.
She was calm, kind and sensible
First thing she did was check the house and told us she was actually surprised as she had been led to believe the home was unsuitable she then contacted all consultants to verify diagnoses
She was lovely to us and it was resolved quickly and case closed. She told us they can never reprimand those who make false referrals for fear of putting off even 1 genuine one

[Bumblebee39]

@lifeof I'm glad you had a positive experience of SS

Respectfully, not everybody has

[Queenofthestress]

@lifeof it was the same for me but it was my HV during a EHA meeting! Social services didnt have a problem at all, they looked at DS's files, reports and didnt even do a visit, they didnt need to

[Posterbook]

If a doctor or a health visitor popped by because they needed to talk to you and they had time at short notice to do so, would that be a threat?
Why so if it's a social worker?

Op, I've been to people's houses where they've apologised for the mess. I've frequently been very honest and told them that their house is cleaner and more organized than mine.

It might be hard to imagine what social workers are looking for when they visit if you live in a generally happy house. Yes there are nuanced/subtle scenarios, but there's a lot that aren't. Things that I've routinely seen:
Cat/dog faeces on the floor
Floors that you stick to
Signs of violence - doors off hinges, fist/boot marks in walls
Children's beds that are broken, or have no bedding (eg sleeping on a bare mattress under a coat)
Children who are more than happy to come and talk to me as a random stranger, want cuddles and to be picked up (no SEN)
Angry, stressed parents that children flinch from or look scared of
Random strangers living in/crashing in a house
Parents who consistently blame one child in the house for anything I mention (scapegoating)
Parents who insist I need to fix their child (CAMHS etc, and not with any credible concerns beyond 'they don't listen and they're nasty)

Most of the time it's not difficult to tell when parents care about their kids and are trying to do the right thing.

[lifeof]

Our problem seemed to be every single other ‘professional ‘ except ss

[CandyCreeper]

I wont be telling them anything, want them gone as soon as possible! it makes my anxiety worse. Not going to give them a reason to hang around...

[Bumblebee39]

@Posterbook

I would be anxious about any professional coming to my door as it usually means something serious is going on eg. Doctor coming to tell me bad news.

I think social services more so, especially if I didn't know why they were there. Police I would be really concerned. Not because I have anything to hide but because they have powers that mean they could change my life for the worse. Also they don't come round for a good reason, they are usually there to deal with the worst sides of life.

[Nicknacky]

What do you mean, you won’t be telling them anything? That isn’t going to help.

[Bumblebee39]

@CandyCreeper

It's thousands of times better they think you're a slattern than that you're not being open and/or keeping things from them

[looktothewesternsky]

OP just let them do their job; your anxiety will have to be parked I'm afraid in favour of your children being checked for care etc. Just get it over with if there's nothing to fear.

[CandyCreeper]

I know there are not always positive stories. My sisters friend had her child removed over a malicious report and she eventually got her back. (she had to go and live with her mum) I havent got my mum to send my children to if worst came to worst, which I always think of the worst possible secanrio as thats anxiety for you. Dont act like they dont make mistakes.

[lifeof]

Please OP, try to be open and honest and talk to them. I was terrified when they called us and said they were coming but she was so nice and understanding really took a step back and looked at the situation and sought out the facts
The children were all spoken to alone they knew what to ask and in a sensitive way

[CandyCreeper]

I wont be telling them anything they dont need to know (like that I suffer from anxiety)