Social services..

[CandyCreeper]

Posted recently about my sons school referring me to SS. I had a phone call this evening at 6pm on my landline from what appears to be the LA phone number. Im taking it its social services? (not expecting anything else) but aibu in thinking it is an odd time to call? I missed it as have been in bed with flu this also means my house isnt at its best because im ill, can/will they turned up unannounced??

[April2020mom]

Yes they do turn up unannounced. However you need to look at the bigger picture here. Social workers are trained to support families in difficult situations. They can instantly tell the difference between a little bit of mess and true neglect. Well at least the good ones can. I’m speaking from personal experience here with them.
A social worker came into my apartment last summer. My apartment was fairly clean. She was there to discuss benefits etc.
Return the call it’s only polite to do so. Please clean up your house. Pick up clothes off the floor. Be careful and prepared. Hoover up. Act normal.

[CandyCreeper]

Oh ok I would have expected it sooner then if CP. I got angry at a poster who accused me of faking an illness and my story not “adding up” stop trying to look for things that arent there.

[CandyCreeper]

Will try my best to tidy then just when I do with 4 under 8 its a tip 5 minutes later.

[Nicknacky]

They are not interested in normal children’s mess. If anything that shows they have toysmto play with and a comfortable living environment. They arent looking for a show home.

[3WildOnes]

They don’t care about mess created by your kids! Rubbish and mouldy dishes would be a concern but not mess your kids make.

[BoatyMcBoatFace2]

SS should be able to tell if a pre-schooler is lying then. There's no need to disturb someone's family life and cause distress by turning up unannounced. I can imagine the OP feels as if her children will be taken away if this escalates. What if the social worker believes the 4 year olds lies? With no proof.

[BoatyMcBoatFace2]

OP how long have SS been involved? If your case has been open a while I can only presume they've buried it to bottom of the pile as its not urgent. That should be a good sign.

[CandyCreeper]

Thanks boaty for understanding. Ofcourse its normal to worry about the worst happening, you know what I am TERRIFIED of my children falling and hurting themselves incase theres a mark, and with a 1 year old into everything it does happen.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Tidying up isn’t the actual issue
Exploring & understanding what your child disclosed to school I s the issue
LA is obliged to investigate,and SW Home visit isn’t necessarily punitive

[Nicknacky]

boaty How about retracting your arsehole insult?

[Bumblebee39]

Some social workers are arseholes but I'd rather they did the job than I had to
Thoroughly unenviable as a job, dealing with the shittiest bits of human life like child abuse and not being well paid for it either
I'm not sure it wouldn't change me doing a job like that. I think I might become hardened too.

I would rather they listen to more than a thousand tall tales and make more than a thousand unplanned visits than miss that one kid who really had spoken the truth and was being abused

Can you imagine how much bravery it takes to speak up?

Call them back. Clean up a bit. But don't worry too much unless their is poop, rubbish and/or flies. In which case you should be worried, because that's just gross.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Op boaty isn’t being understanding she’s simply reinforcing daft stereotypes

[Haffiana]

SS should be able to tell if a pre-schooler is lying then. There's no need to disturb someone's family life and cause distress by turning up unannounced. I can imagine the OP feels as if her children will be taken away if this escalates. What if the social worker believes the 4 year olds lies? With no proof.

What if they never believe any 4 year old who has no proof? Who will protect that 4 year old?

[BollocksToBrexit]

OP try not to worry too much. If all is as you say then they'll be done very quickly. They don't have time to waste on kids imaginations. And it's not that unusual.

When my DD was 4 a huge gust of wind blew her off her feet and she cracked her head quite badly on the ground. While she was being stitched up the dr asked her what had happened. Quick as a flash she said 'Mummy pushed me over'.

[PooleySpooley]

Care and Protection don’t actually want to “take kids away”. Removing children is a last resort esp as it costs the LA a fortune and there aren’t enough foster placements.

It’s such a stupid myth.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I don’t know why you’ve gone with boaty after his/her hysterical posts. The kind of home conditions that concern social workers are dog cage to keep children in, faeces on floor, no bedding/clean clothes/food, dangerous stuff.

[3WildOnes]

Boaty they do an investigation to find out the truth. That is what will be going on with the OP. It isn’t always obviouswhat the truth is! Do you really think sw should leave children in abusive situations to avoid parents like the OP being upset by an investigation?

[poppiesallykatie]

You are extremely defensive, only one poster made a comment about a bed? The rest were helpful or answering your question, yet the one and only comment you responded to, with about 3 paragraphs was about a bed? I get that you must very stressed about the situation but if everything is as you say it is, then it will be fine.

[freezinguplands]

If your feet stick to the floor when you walk on it and there is no where to sit down then have a quick clean round, likewise if there is a weeks worth of dirty dishes lying around. Otherwise relax, it isn't an inspection from Kim and Aggie.
A house with no toys or evidence of DC is just as concerning.
Boaty I'm afraid the arseholes as you so delightfully call them may pop round if they can't get hold of you over the phone to get the matter cleared up as quickly as possible.
There is no need to be fretting about removing DC.

[TokyoSushi]

[NyNameIsTaken]

My sisters dd told her teacher her face was hurting and that her daddy did it in the playground, social services were called by the school and rightly so.

School phoned sister because my nieces face face had started swelling and for her to get medical attention. Bil was messing about with his dd in the playground like he does every morning and while he was nervous he knew he hadn't hit her and that social services were doing their job.

It actually turned out my niece had an abscess (she'd been complaining of toothache and was at the dentist that day after school) and bil had unknowingly hurt her face when he hugged her in the playground when saying goodbye.

Nobody was angry, nobody thought social services were arseholes and my niece did the very thing that her Parents have taught her to do and that is if an adult or anyone hurts them, to tell an adult she can trust.


I'd rather social services were "arseholes" and checked every accusation out, a child not having full vocabulary is the very reason why they should be listened to.

[KellyW88]

A lot of weird comments here but don’t fret OP.

SS have a responsibility to follow up any and all complaints/potential safeguarding issues etc, a sort of “would rather check 100 cases to help one child in genuine need, than not and fail that one child” approach.

When my twins came home from NICU I had SS on my doorstep and boy was that a surprise, came from one concern a nurse had reported over my partner not attending NICU regularly/or for great lengths of time (if she’d bothered to ask it was partly because he worked full time, but mainly because he felt utterly useless, ashamed and terrified of the place because he felt inadequate due to our babies needs - he’s much better now!) anyway, 6pm isn’t that unusual for a SS worker, and yes they do tend make unannounced visits, this way they feel they’re getting a true window into home life.

They’re not all arseholes or bullies etc (some are - but not nearly as many as you’d think),

After dealing with them for 6 months and finally having my case closed (they stuck around mainly to offer assistance due to my living circumstances and feeling a overwhelmed with DD’s oxygen and extra care needs) I’ve got the following to advise:

Don’t worry about any issues they MAY express, you will drive yourself mad, if they do turn up and the bed frame is still stuck, explain the situation to them, even IF they mention this as a safety hazard, all they will want to see is that you are able to rectify the issue within a reasonable time frame (I.e when you’re better, have more help etc).

So long as your house isn’t dirty in a gross, obviously uncared for way, they don’t expect homes to be pristine. The only concern the SS had for my living situation was that we were (and still are) in a one bedroom flat and had been inundated with so many things for the twins that the living room and bedroom had been severely cluttered. The concern that something may fall on one or both twins. We tidied up and voila, no more safeguarding concern there.

I could say more but there are too many examples. I hated having the SS in my home, even when they were being friendly, because it hit me hard that there was a chance they would think I was in some way inadequate and that I had already failed as a parent before I’d really had a chance to begin, but after time I realised I was being far too defensive because of the stigma attached to the SS.

It’s not nice to feel judged and it may come across that way from them at first, but keep a calm front, be honest and friendly as you know you have nothing to hide, sorry your DC has said something that has bounced back this way (and bless him he probably didn’t know what he was saying/or at least the impact of what was said)

[CandyCreeper]

I have anxiety hence the worry. Its just the last thing I want thats all..

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Discuss your anxiety & stressors,be as open as you can
See what options are proposed eg GP referral, Additional support
Have you had a health check up recently, discussed your MH

[Catrina1234]

I am a retired social worker and I had to smile as OP wondered if they'd call her at 6pm. I routinely never left the office till 700 and have made phone calls up to 8.0pm. Glad to see so many defending social workers. It's a very tough job and can be stressful.

You are absolutely right freezing it's not a simple case of did the child lie or not and we don't ask 4 year olds questions - we do some drawing with them and other games and it's incredible what you can find out from their drawings. Children are concrete thinkers and unable to conceptualise abstract thought.

Haffiana* you do not have any understanding of the way social workers work. And it isn't easy to tell if a young child is lying - socialworkers are not mind readers. As I have said above we try other ways to work out what (if anything) is going on. I always looked at the relationship between mother and child - does he go to siton her lap - is she nurturing - is he relaxed at home etc etc and many other things and the very last thing anyone wants is for the child to be removed.