Aibu to let toddler have 2+ hours of screentime a day?

[Sheilasfeels]

I am at home with my nearly 2 year old. I work hard to make sure she's getting everything she needs, but on the average day I can read books, use playdough, play with duplo, play a letter/shape/puzzle game, give myself a pat on the back for being such an active and involved parent, and then look at the time and it's only 10:30 am! The toddler starts shouting for Mr Tumble or Dugee and I cave because I'm at a loss for what to do next. I make sure she gets a physical activity once a day, and a nap, but then there's another big gap between getting home and tea time and once we've played building blocks and drawing and tea parties there's still two hours to fill before dinner. I don't have the TV on in the background so it only goes on for kids programmes.

I have no idea how to fill all the day without my cbeebies crutch. What do you do to keep toddlers entertained and screen free?

I worry about this too! My DS is nearly 2 and a half and probably watches 1.5-2 hours a day. However I’m being kind to myself as I’m 35 weeks pregnant and it’s very cold and dark outside (find it much easier to cut down screen time in warmer weather/ longer evenings when he can potter around the communal garden with a few toys)

The rules I have in regard to his screen time are that we leave the house every morning and every afternoon for an activity (swimming/ Park/ toddler groups/ plays dates/ library/ local museums etc) and no ‘passive’ TV on in the background watching. If he is watching something I expect him to be engaged in it and enjoying it - if he starts playing with other things, leaving the room, climbing furniture etc then it goes off.

This means he generally watches about 40 mins TV in the morning whilst we get ready for the day, maybe about another 20-30 mins whilst I get his lunch after returning from morning activity and then another 40
mins before bed. Sometimes we are out for the whole day so he won’t watch any at lunch time but will maybe watch a longer film or something when we get back as we are all quite teird by then.

He is with a nanny whilst I work 4 days a week but they follow the same pattern.

I’m happy with this generally, I think the most important thing is that they do lots of other things too. For me the leaving the house every morning and afternoon is vital - I am terrible at ‘playing’ and DS is super active so I cannot fill a morning with ‘play’. For us everything is so much easier out of the house!

It isn’t screen time per se that is harmful as much as the quality (or lack thereof) of the programmes. And of course children need to go outside and run around/climb/kick balls/see other DC.

I have no problem with limited screen time - there’s plenty of lovely music/educational bits for them to watch.
My DS is 14mths, we go out loads, go to groups, see family, swimming, park, baby gym, soft play, he goes to nursery twice a week, we draw, his favourite thing in the world to do is to ‘read’ books. He has such an incredibly busy little life so if he wants to chill out and watch Peppa for a while every day I think that’s just fine.

I think the advice from the American Academy of Paediatrics is pretty sensible: there's a summary here: www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/news-features-and-safety-tips/Pages/Children-and-Media-Tips.aspx

My son isn't yet two and we allow approx 30 mins a day on iPad (over 2 sessions so maybe one short episode eg Postman Pat or a couple of YouTube videos - he loves the Gecko real trucks ones at the minute 🙄). We almost always watch with him - I quite enjoy some of it! It's nice to sit down and chill with him.

Definitely agree with going out every day (usually mornings for us) and luckily he's still napping and has nursery 3 mornings a week. At other times, we read (lots), play with blocks, garage, fire engines, mini kitchen, hand puppets, peekaboo etc. But I do encourage him to play by himself - sometimes with me sitting in the playroom too but doing something else, sometimes on his own while I drink a cup of tea or hang out washing. I find if there is a recognisable end to my activity, he will be more accepting. While I shower, he just roams the bedroom and bathroom with toys or looks at his books. I found 21 months a bit of a turning point where he'll spend up to 10 mins at a time 'driving' his cars round the sofa or loading kitchen things in his toy trolley without my involvement. I made a 'garage' out of cushions on the sofa and now each morning he'll go get his trucks from the playroom and 'park' them in the garage!

I do agree with letting toddlers be bored - if you ignore the whining, they'll usually find something to entertain themselves. The younger you start, the better, so they're already used to it before the tantrums start.

I can't believe people go out twice a day. I mean we go for a dog walk and then usually to one activity/ toddler group/ preschool .. would that count as twice a day ? The battle of get your shoes, coat, hat is too much for me. And my bank account would not be able to afford multiple activities.

Here a bit of tv in morning depending on wake up time/ whether its preschool morning or not - we watch milkshake on c5. Maybe 30mins.

Then usually some iPad before lunch 45 mins to 1 hour.

Then prob two more iPad hits of 30 mins and then an hour. So I think we hit 2.5 to 3 hours a day here !

When my DC were little we would go out several times per day to the park or playground, the shops and other non-organised non-paying activities.

We go out a couple of times a day but one of those will probably just be to the shop, stopping at pets at home so they can see the bunnies and fish.

It’s really hard with a toddler. We go for walks to get out of the house and some fresh air. We go to the park even when it’s very cold just because I’d go stir crazy otherwise.

I don’t even try to fill up ds3’s time tbh (he’s 20 months). He’s just...here 🤷🏻‍♀️

He wanders around looking at things and playing, ‘helps’ with whatever me or dh are doing, wanders away again. Has food, naps, wakes up, heads for his toys.

I sit on the floor and play something, he’ll be interested for a while then wander off. Obviously we do go out too but this is just the time we’re all at home.

He has no screen time at all. I can’t even imagine why a not quite two year old needs it tbh, they’re so interested in everything around them. And I’m not adverse to screens and am fairly relaxed with my 8 and 11 year olds...just not at baby age.

Yes twice a day - doesn’t have to be paying activities- walks, shops, garden, park, soft play, playgroups (these are usually only £2 each), sure start centres, library story time, singing group (£2 again), swimming, classes, friends houses (free).
You need to look online and ask around what there is on. It’s harder if you live rurally I guess.

Pets at home has animals you can look at for free! Library’s usually run cheap toddler sessions or storytimes

apple, I would absolutely count the dog walk as going out! He only has a few paid activities a week (waterbabies swimming, Gymboree and baby music) the rest is free like the library/ Park/ local museums or nearly free (local church hall playgroup is £1 which includes a coffee for me and fruit snack for DS). We are in London which is more expensive in lots of ways but there is loads of free stuff for children which is great and no transport costs (I would have to get a travel card for work anyway and he is free)

Sounds like quite a lot to me. I think maybe try and have more / longer outings and try and encourage her to help and potter by herself at home. If you are trying to engage with her 100% of the time I too would resort to TV!

I find it easiest to have no tv all except for very set times like Friday evening or a movie at the weekend. Means they don’t expect or whinge for it at other times and learn to occupy themselves.

Mind you easy for me to say as mine have had a nanny since they were small except when I was on ML and tv is not part of their gig except in exceptional circumstances.

I still don't see why more than 2 hours every day is necessary.

I don't think it is, but I also don't think it does any harm. Last summer, because I didn't have a car some days, I used to walk DD to nursery, and she'd be walking or in her pram for a couple of hours. That isn't necessary either, and you could argue that being pushed around staring at the same views of fields and trees was less stimulating than TV, but I do think it is telling people never suggest this was bad for her.

FWIW (anecdata alert! ), I've just got back from a couple of days with my parents. They really noticed and commented on the difference between my DD, who's 21 months, and my nephew who is 5. My mum had been reading my nephew a book, but he'd struggled to concentrate to the end. This is something she regularly finds with him and with my two nieces. My DD saw the book and asked for it, and listened to the whole of it.

Now DD gets TV quite a lot, and my brother's children are strictly forbidden any. Obviously personalities and all sorts of other things come into play, but I do wonder whether being invited to watch a regular programme with me, where she sits calmly but also engages and chats, doesn't help her concentration? She certainly had the appetite for a longer story, and generally she does like books.

I agree - pram time is probably worse than tv time.

YY! Because if she's in her pram, sure, I can keep up a constant 'ooh, a woodpecker! Ooh, a hawk!'' commentary, but I don't think it is very exciting. And if she walks for herself, she enjoys that, but she can't possibly walk the whole way anyway.

I disagree, if the point is to relax them, surely it's better for them to be in the pushchair with less stimulation than the TV.

I read about a study that showed that people have a clear physiological response to being near trees - it calms them down IIRC.

I’ve been a sahm of 2 for 4 years, mine are 18m apart. At the moment it’s january so don’t beat yourself up about extra TV. The summer months it will hardly be on! Personally we’ve always gone to toddler groups/rhyme time etc in the mornings so don’t get home until lunch time then it’s a nap between 1-3ish then they tend to play for a while and I do tea at 4.30. The tv is used more when we don’t go out in the morning but it’s rare we don’t. The 4yo is at nursery now and the youngest at pre-school for a couple of mornings but otherwise that’s been our routine forever.

I would try to avoid constantly entertaining him , my dsis did this with my nephew and hes now 7 and at times unbearable because he constantly needs to be entertained, he doesnt leave my dsis alone and she is exhausted!

In terms of screen time, my dc watch a bit of telly, but its not really sitting down watching it ifyswim

I have a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. We do some screens but not loads. Generally the older one watches a bit while I’m putting his brother to bed and then a bit when I’m making dinner. So probably no more than an hour a day and not every day.

Our rough day goes like -

6.30-7.30 - breakfast and toddler playing with toys and DH until me and baby wake up
7.30- 9.00 - pottering, getting ready, reading stories, household jobs
9.00-11.30 - we go out every day, usually to a group, a friends house or food shopping
12.00 - lunch and baby naps (some tv for older one if baby didn’t fall asleep in the car)
12-1 - quiet time for toddler (varies but generally playing by himself with trains while I either tidy up or read - varying degrees of success depending on toddler mood)
1-3 - playing together, reading, household jobs, crafts etc
3 - snack and then we usually try to go outside for a bit - walk, park etc
4.30 - dinner prep and tv for toddler if they’re struggling
5 - dinner
Followed by bath, stories bed by 6.30/7ish

As I said I very rarely have a full day at home because we’re all climbing the walls by lunchtime and the day goes so slowly. At the weekend he tends to either watch more tv if we have no plans or none because were out all day.

Don't know if this might help. It's something a couple of parents and me have put together. secretparentorg.home.blog/blogs/

Our TV was always on when my kids were little if we were at home l love TV. But this was in the early 90.s so not much kids TV. No all day CBBC and we had no internet at home. I can't see it did them any harm both got to uni fine and now responsible adults. I also never limited game console times when they were teens as long as homework was done.

Mr Tumble isn't really doing anyone any harm. Neither are Numberblocks, Alphablocks, Bedtime Stories, Hey Duggee etc. Most BBC stuff is excellent and my 23m old can identify and clearly name more dinosaurs (and some animals 😳) than I can at 33 thanks to Andy!

It's about balance but if they're educational, does it really matter if they watch a bit too much? Nah.