Aibu to let toddler have 2+ hours of screentime a day?

[Sheilasfeels]

I am at home with my nearly 2 year old. I work hard to make sure she's getting everything she needs, but on the average day I can read books, use playdough, play with duplo, play a letter/shape/puzzle game, give myself a pat on the back for being such an active and involved parent, and then look at the time and it's only 10:30 am! The toddler starts shouting for Mr Tumble or Dugee and I cave because I'm at a loss for what to do next. I make sure she gets a physical activity once a day, and a nap, but then there's another big gap between getting home and tea time and once we've played building blocks and drawing and tea parties there's still two hours to fill before dinner. I don't have the TV on in the background so it only goes on for kids programmes.

I have no idea how to fill all the day without my cbeebies crutch. What do you do to keep toddlers entertained and screen free?

No, I'm sorry too, I was snapping and being obnoxious. Sorry.

My DD is 6 months and even I resort to a few minutes a few times a day if I need a shower or to make toast, butter it and boil the kettle! I do feel a bit guilty when I read how bad screens are for under twos but sometimes I need just a few minutes to get something done without carrying my Velcro baby with me :))

I think it’s fine. I remember as child growing the same worries about ‘screen time’ were all about TV viewing.

Sure there are justifications around obesity and social interaction- but balance is what’”s required and you seem to have it okay in my book.

Sheilasfeels I wouldn't worry. At that age my DD used to watch tons of TV/iPad. As she got older her attention span increased and she got a lot better at concentrating and playing by herself. Now, at 4, she hardly has any screen time as she's busy doing other things.

Just go out more OP - great for everyone! You could do some classes or just head off on walks in parks, forests etc. I found that days were much longer when DC were that age if we didn't go out lots. I went out usually morning and afternoon for a bit so the tv was hardly ever on!

When mine was that age, I’d do an outing every morning, either toddler time, park, shops, soft play, whatever, home for lunch and nap and then the afternoon would be play, tv time etc. As we’d been out all morning, I never sweated how long they had screen time in the afternoon.

Blimey is anyone else reading this concerned about their child's play skills?? My daughter was 3 last month. I've always thought her pretend play skills were quite good, but she certainly wasn't able to entertain herself with pretend play before she was 2!! She can probably do it now for 10-15 minutes (max) if she's in the mood. She also enjoys painting, drawing and stickers, but definitely wasn't doing any of those things without support before she was two... She'll only do puzzles in the last few months and that's generally only with encouragement, repeat re-focusing.... I'm pretty sure if I asked her to 'pair socks' for than about 2 minutes she'd laugh in my face! I have a 9 month old too and definitely rely on 90 minutes - 2 hours of telly (for my eldest) in order to manage the baby, (occasionally) clean the house and have showers/prepare food etc. I think as long as they get some fresh air and exercise preferably with a peer (we have annual passes for EVERYTHING), do something vaguely crafty and a bit of structured play every day it's fine

Mine are having a bit too much screen time at the moment because they both HATE going out when it's really cold, however much you layer them up. There's only so many games I can play before I stick on some PJ Masks for a break.

Yes, but you're only saying what she can't do, putme! I can only imagine how much you're dealing with when you have a 9 month old and a 3 year old, and let's be realistic, I would imagine getting used to a sibling is a lot more of a substantial learning experience than almost anything else at that age.

FWIW mine was brilliant at self-entertaining pretend play when she was 14 months. I thought it was great and looked forward to things getting better. Now she is 21 months. Today she spent the entire morning yelling AAARRRGH! AAARRRGH! RAAAAHHH! and cannoning about the place, alternating with tantrums because I did such heinous things as attempt to dress her/ blow my nose/ not let her slap me in the mouth.

YABU

I don't object to screen time in moderation but 2+ hours a day is way too much for a toddler.

My son's nearly 2 and we go out at least once every day, we'd go mad otherwise! We tend to go out in the mornings, there is usually a group and we might pop to the shops afterwards, then home for lunch and a nap. After nap we might pop out again, eg to the play area or to feed the ducks or jump in a few puddles.

So we never spend all day at home. When we're at home it is difficult to fill the time, but it's broken up with meals and nappy changes, and a few chores that he loves "helping" with: putting groceries away, putting laundry in the machine and hanging it up, folding and putting away clean clothes, emptying dishwasher, wiping table, vacuuming.

In terms of playing he enjoys colouring, puzzles, ball pit, mega bloks, teddies, toy pushchair and doll, play kitchen, playdoh, jumping on and off the sofa (!), reading books with us or by himself.

We do watch tv sometimes but not every day and certainly no more than an hour max.

Obviously if he's ill or we are then we make exceptions. But that should be a one off and not the norm.

I think 2 hours is quite a lot daily, however would allow more than that when I'll or weather's horrendous or you are ill/need a rest. It is all about balance. I'm a speech and language therapist and am seeing more children with difficulties who watch lots of TV and use ipads/phones a lot.

When watching I would stick to good quality programming with actual adults talking as much as possible. I'm afraid I'd really be against the type of YouTube clip linked to earlier.

But, @namechange30, your toddler naps. I think you're right on the whole, but if you have a toddler who doesn't regularly nap, getting them to curl up and be calm in front of something might be the next best thing?

I do love getting out and about with DD, and I think she enjoys it too. But left to herself, she will quite happily go to sleep at 10-11pm, wake at 7-8, and go through the day without a nap. Or she'll nap at 6pm, which pushes bedtime back to midnight! I've tried a lot of things, and I initially thought lots of exercise and variety was the answer. So I'd go out, play football in the garden, take her for a walk, go round the shops, go to rhyme time, etc., and she'd still be raring for more. Then I tried lots of quiet stories, a nice warm bath at a routine time, etc. etc.

The thing that seems to work is to do lots of varied things but to let her snuggle up with me and watch something calmly. Some days she does not nap at all - most days, I'd say - and I think the fact she is sitting calmly watching something is better than if she were running around haywire. I don't know, though.

(And you can see this is me being a bit worried, not me being polemical! I just wish she napped more.)

Yikes yes I see your point and feel your nap.
Idk, I think I'd do everything to try for a nap (although I'm sure you have tried!) and if that wasn't possible then read books or something.
I guess it helps that I'm still breastfeeding DS and it seems to calm him down. But there are still other things you can do, go into bedroom, dim lights, cuddle and book or music.

feel your nap pain!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

If a toddler is up at six it's a very long day so two hours doesn't seem overly much to me ! Mine are older now but definitely watched that much especially when they started to drop the nap ..or when they woke up very early ...

Oh, god, I am trying everything! She's just a nap refuser. She does like books, but they seem to get her quite excited, so if I read for a while she'll perk up and get very responsive. It's nice, but means reading to sleep is not an option.

We have dim lights all through the house after 6pm, and have tried various music and cuddles. But often we can have turned the lights out, snuggled up in bed, and three hours later we're shattered and she's still merrily bouncing around.

My feeling is that, because she is awake so much, she must be getting plenty of stimulation. So, if snuggling up to watch something works (and, thank god, it does seem to), then I will do that because, health-wise, what she and I really need is sleep!

I would rather let them whine for a bit. It does make parenting harder but I think it’s important to let them be bored and think of something to do. 2+ hours a day is a lot. You should turn an hour of it back into ‘find something to do’ time.

Fair enough!

I wasn't trying to tell you what to do btw, just saying what I do (and would still do) to calm him down apart from breastfeeding

He was a terrible sleeper (night and naps) for more than a year so we are very grateful indeed for decent sleep now and enjoying it while it lasts

Cross post, I was replying to SarahandQuack

Oh, it's helpful! I am always on the lookout for suggestions. I had no input into the breastfeeding as it was DP's lookout, but I see the point. And I hope the decent sleep lasts a long time now!

@timeisnotaline - but, what I am trying to say (not very articulately) is that you don't always want to find 'something to do.

It is not good for a toddler always to be super-stimulated.

If mine has slept for 6-8 hours in the past 24, which is quite possible, she really will be better if she can either sleep or do something very relaxing. I could get in the car and drive, with Radio 3 and the heating on, and sometimes I do. But that is the only other thing I know of that has a chance of getting her to sleep.

She is in general a nice toddler, not a right pain, no obvious reason why she doesn't want to sleep, but she doesn't. She never did. When she was newborn she reliably slept outside the house, but after 3-4 months she didn't really nap. It makes me think that something gentle and relaxing is very valuable.

What about crafts and messy play? Imagination Tree is a good site. My daughter still loves Oobleck and it would keep her quiet. I also made her some rummaging boxes it sounds really pretentious but it’s called heuristic play. It’s how they like to play with non toys ie little trinkets, bits, things they are not normally allowed.
I try to keep TV for the witching hour when you’ve really had enough. So as not to spoil the treat!

Treasure box, that’s what it was called. My daughter enjoyed hers. Ideas on Pinterest

Yeah you're right of course sarah I didn't mean to sound negative. She can entertain herself with books for quite a while when she's in the mood. I mean she would do a little pretend/symbolic play at 14 months I guess; pretending to talk on the phone, or maybe feeding a teddy... But definitely not for long enough for me to do anything constructive (like wash).

Actually thinking about it, I think maybe for a while they get less independent not more... My 9 month old will roam around the floor banging stuff and clapping etc. quite happily while I tidy up. My 3 year old mainly follows me round the house saying 'what you doing Mummy?' or 'Mummy play' ad infinitum...