Wow! The compassion on this thread 🤔 the lack of consideration for or even understanding of mental illness has another mn hit!
"This sounds like anxiety to me!" Yep me too!
"Nope no anxiety but hates being on her own in places not familiar to her." To be quite honest it sounds like she DOES have anxiety and possibly agoraphobia.
I'm currently housebound by my agoraphobia, but people think that's the only way it manifests. It actually isn't necessarily 'never going anywhere' but only going to 'safe' places. Places that are familiar, easy to get to and unlikely to have anything that might trigger other anxieties.
I've also known people with agoraphobia who needed accompanying to certain places/at certain times as the way theirs manifested.
She needs to speak to her GP about her anxieties as they ARE impacting her life and she needs help.
NOT saying it's acceptable BUT lashing out angrily can be a symptom of anxiety too.
She's thought she's got herself organised so she can get there and back with the limitations she's placed on herself. She's thought she's got support to go somewhere new (which may be quite an achievement for her) and now at short notice her plans have gone awry.
Sadeyedlady - given your own difficulties I find it shocking you have no understanding or compassion for someone experiencing similar.
"Sounds like she's agoraphobic to some degree. The worst thing you can do is pander to it, so no you're not being selfish." As you can see I agree re the agoraphobia, but I don't see supporting someone with an ILLNESS as pandering. It actually sounds like op's friend IS trying to go to new places but probably hasn't got professional help which it sounds like she does need.
When I've been in better phases friends & family have gone places with me WHILE I worked to improve things. Sometimes it would be a case of they'd meet me somewhere familiar (but still anxiety inducing to go to) and then going on somewhere less familiar.
There's a middle ground between "pandering" and "abandoning"
It's not op's responsibility but as this is a friend I assume she cares about her and doesn't want to cause her distress. So the caring thing to do is say "this is affecting your life too much you need to get professional help. In the meantime I'll do what I CAN to help you. But unfortunately I can't do tomorrow and I'm sorry I forgot about the appointment but I need to go"
But I agree you don't want her ending up like me! So best to nip it in the bud ASAP by her getting help.
Like many mental illnesses it's a sneaky fucker and creeps up on you! I didn't decide "oh I won't leave the house for the next year" I had incidents happen that made me more and more anxious about leaving, there were fewer and fewer 'safe' places, I was avoiding going out on certain days to avoid triggers and...next thing I knew I hadn't left in 2 weeks!
It's a bit more complicated for me but part of the problem is I've had a lot of trouble with meds and not yet found any that help and the anxiety is quite extreme. Plus I have asthma and panic attacks can become asthma attacks for me, plus I have mobility problems so don't feel completely physically safe in eg icy conditions and have had a couple of nasty falls (both of which of course make me even more nervous).
The hairdressers I go to (when I'm able) is an "old lady" hairdressers so a calm atmosphere, no men, no loud music and a lovely hairdresser who has a very calming manner (some of her clients have Alzheimer's or have had strokes etc and this can be the only thing they do outside the house at this point. She's very good at calming and reassuring them. I'm sure it's no coincidence that her son has asd with some anxieties of his own, that's probably why she's so good at calming people).
Although I also like her because she's not scissor happy and knows how to deal with my awkward hair (redhead, but with a natural wave I hate but very fine)
"Not everything is a mental health condition. Being nervous about doing stuff isn't anxiety. Always expecting other people to facilitate you is usually just selfish and lazy, not mentally unwell behaviour." I'd LOVE to know your medical qualifications?
"Why doesn’t she go to a hairdressers close to where she lives and where she’s confident with the route to get there" she was motivated by a special offer and maybe she is (clumsily without the right support) TRYING not to completely give in to her fears by going to somewhere new.