To think DH drinks too much?

[bottleitup]

Just this. I'm prepared to be flamed for being unreasonable.

I feel like in recent years DH's drinking has increased and not sure whether it's "normal" - just know it bothers me.

We both work full time and have a toddler DS.

If there is beer in the house, he will finish it all drink it, so we seldom stock any beer at home.

If there is a bottle of wine in the house he will usually want to have some wine on any given evening when we're at home - and if we decide to open it, he will inevitably end up drinking most if not all of it within the same day/evening as I tend to have only one or two glasses. When I point out to him that he's had this amount to drink, he gets annoyed or defensive.

When we are out, he will have at least a couple of beers with a meal if it's a restaurant. This is whether it's lunch or dinner, and even if DS is with us.

It's the weekday evening drinking at home that bothers me. He is a bit of a lightweight in that he is noticeably 'looser' after he's had 2 or 3 beers.

In the last year or so there have been maybe 2-3 times when he's come home from a (rare) night out and been slurring/stumbling/sick. It's 2-3 times too many for me, to be honest.

So as not to drip feed - I grew up in a household where my mum disapproved of my dad drinking (he did a lot of business entertaining). I fear I'm becoming my mum?

Would appreciate some independent perspective on this.

I don't really see anything wrong in that really, apart from being sick after the (rare) night out, which is a bit silly to not know his limits.

How often is the weekday evening drinking at home, if you don't often stock alcohol in the house?

Sounds normal to me OP. Although I’m not a drinker myself but DH likes to indulge in a beer or two if they’re in the house and one or two with a meal. His DF and my DF both are functioning alcoholics and they both drink to get trashed on a regular basis. They also lie and hide how much they’re actually having and both suffer with dependency.. it’s pretty sad to watch tbh. But you are not being unreasonable to be concerned, alcohol is poison.

I don't think it's an outrageous amount and if you don't keep it in the house then he's not drinking during the week. Getting a bottle of wine at the weekend is fairly normal I would say and even if you were having 2 glasses that's about 3 glasses left in the bottle. Again, not a huge amount IMO. He does have to consider your views of course, but I'd also say that you have to consider his want to loosen up by having a couple of beers.

YABHugelyU

2-3 times a year?

It doesn't sound like much of a problem from how you describe it.

I wonder if you have a bit of a skewed view of alcohol though?

This:

When we are out, he will have at least a couple of beers with a meal if it's a restaurant. This is whether it's lunch or dinner, and even if DS is with us

... I thought was a bit weird - why shouldn't he have a drink if your DS is with you?

I think you need to relax a bit.

YABU and a hypocrite, since you drink at home too.

A bottle of wine is 3-4 glasses. If you are having 1-2 It's almost half.

Rest sounds fine to me too.

It sounds fine to me.

The comment about him drinking 'even if ds is with us' is really weird tbh. Why would he not have a couple of beers with food just because your son is there?

I don't think a couple of beers or a couple of glasses of wine over a few days is that bad tbh. And I would really resent someone judging me for that amount.

I only drink Friday and Saturday but I like a few.

If I'm off work for a week or two then I drink a bit more.

I really don't see the issue. He's having a couple of drinks in the evening after work or with a meal - why is that a problem?

The comment about him drinking 'even if ds is with us' is really weird tbh. Why would he not have a couple of beers with food just because your son is there?

After 2-3 drinks it sounds like he's pissed, OP says he's a lightweight. So for me, the problem with this situation would be that one of us had to drive, or be sober enough to look after DS - one of the parents at least has to stay sober enough to be responsible for DS and that's inevitably OP. It's a bit selfish.

And getting pissed solo at lunchtime isn't a great look really .

It doesn't even sound like it's every night? I think I would find your judgemental attitude quite tiresome to live with.

And if you've had 2 glasses from a bottle of wine, then you've had half. You can't complain that he's had the other half. I mean, I'd be annoyed, because I wouldn't want to share my wine.

Sounds like my partner, I barely drink at all because of it. I’m always thinking what ifs though as I’m a worrier. It drives me mad but I just give up expecting anything different. My personal view is that I cannot understand why someone wouldn’t want to be sober and 100% aware but I realise so many people just don’t share this opinion. My dad is a alcoholic and my best friend is also and I have been through some traumatising events with both so feel like despite my views not being shared I have every right to feel like I do.

Is the issue once he starts drinking he can't stop till the alcohol has all gone or because you've left the place that sells it?

When you have beer or wine in the house do you only have a small amount? What I mean is you say 'have a bottle if wine in the house', but if you had two does he want to drink that too?

It doesn’t sound crazy to me, although throwing up 2-3 times per year is a bit grim. He could probably cut back a bit (especially the beers with lunch maybe), but it seems a fairly normal amount to me.

And getting pissed solo at lunchtime isn't a great look really

Who says he’s pissed? When dh and I go out, one of us always drives do the other us drinking alone. I don’t see the issue with that.

Op, I think you’re probably overreacting. How many units approx do you think he sticks in an average week?

@WorraLiberty, it would be every night if we stocked at home. But I/we don't stock at home as a result. TBH he has the same thing with ice cream! Perhaps what bothers me is the apparent lack of self-control?

To the PP who said 1-2 glasses in a bottle means half etc - I tend to have quite small glass(es) so really it's more like 20/80(%).

@Pringle2628 I've really identified with what you said.

It sounds like IABU though. Thanks everyone for responding.

I understand why this would bother you op. My partner drank like this when I was pregnant and it really wasn’t fun to be around. It doesn’t sound like much but it’s bloody annoying being around someone who is always tipsy in the evenings.

It’s the fact that he can’t go out for a meal without having a few beers while you’re with your DS- that’s not on because it leaves you solely responsible for DS as he’s incapacitated himself.

*YANBU

@WorraLiberty, it would be every night if we stocked at home. But I/we don't stock at home as a result. TBH he has the same thing with ice cream! Perhaps what bothers me is the apparent lack of self-control?

You've got nothing to worry about then.

Him not buying it to drink at home every night is self-control.

@WorraLiberty - that is very true. Many thanks

Him not buying it to drink at home every night is self-control.

This is absolutely right.

I think that what has become normal, is in fact too much. I agree OP he’s not drinking responsibly.

After 2-3 drinks it sounds like he's pissed, OP says he's a lightweight. So for me, the problem with this situation would be that one of us had to drive, or be sober enough to look after DS - one of the parents at least has to stay sober enough to be responsible for DS and that's inevitably OP. It's a bit selfish

The OP said 'noticeably looser'. If he was pissed, I'm sure she would've said 'noticeably pissed'