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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

13 year old wrongly accused of shoplifting Weetabix

293 replies

nojellybabies · 22/01/2019 19:34

He went to Tesos to buy Weetabix and butter. This is what he said:

As he put the Weetabix in his bag a female employee came up to him and challenged him saying “what are you doing with that Weetabix?” She called the manager over who said “what’sgoing On?” My son (who hates having to explain himself to strangers and struggles with this sort of thing) said “did you think I was stealing it?” . She replied “yes, you have to use a basket” then moved away.

He paid at self service. As he walked out of the shop the manger called him back and there, in the lobby, in front of a crowd of bystanders took his bag and searched it then demanded the receipt for the Weetabix. Which my son produced. The manager said “sorry you can go”. Interested bystanders told him to go home and tell his family to complain.

He was seriously distraught. Several episodes of Father Ted later he is still feeling humiliated and as if everyone in town now thinks he is a criminal. Even the “my lovely horse” episode only helped a bit.:(

I’ve spoken to the general complaints line and asked the man there (who started apologising when I said the word “Weetabix”-I mean who the hell shoplifts Weetabix?) to get the shop to write to my son to apologise.

I haven’t marched down there because I don’t want to embarrass him further. I am trying to stress all the things he did right to him.

Something is surely wrong with the training here? AIBU?
And Weetabix?!? admittedly he bought some butter too but all the same...

OP posts:
JC4PMPLZ · 23/01/2019 09:05

Can I just say, if you are shopping in London, do not put stuff straight in your bag because you will be done for shoplifting - ya weirdoes.

Theunreasonableone · 23/01/2019 09:10

My mum is disabled and uses one of those walkers with wheels and a bag attached to it. Obviously she can't push a trolley or carry a shopping basket so she puts all the things she wants to buy in the bag of her wheeler and takes it to the checkout. Is she wrong for doing that? Would employees automatically think she is shoplifting? In the OP's case it is more than likely they have picked out her son because of his age - he's an easy target. I'm sorry this happened to him OP.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/01/2019 09:11

Re putting things on the pram. - eek!

I was doing a not very big shop for dd, with Gdd in her buggy. Put some of the things on the folded-back buggy hood, since too much/heavy for a basket.
Among other things, bought 2 cartons of cat food.
At checkout, could only find one carton of cat food, was sure I'd taken two, but put it down to I-must-be-going-mad.

Only once home did I find the other, which had fallen down between folds of the buggy hood.
Went cold to think of what might have happened - hand on shoulder as I left the shop.....

Did mean to go back and pay - it wasn't far - but it was cold and I was on the knackered side anyway, after a long day of childcare.
Still feel bad about it, though!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 23/01/2019 09:17

Can I just say, if you are shopping in London, do not put stuff straight in your bag because you will be done for shoplifting - ya weirdoes

Not til you leave the store without paying

FloofenHoofen · 23/01/2019 09:19

I've seen old people bag up their shopping before paying and nobody came marching over to them accusing them of theft.
I'm fairly certain they did it because your son is young and they presumed.
It was wrong and they shouldn't have done that, as technically he wouldn't of even stolen anything till he had walked out the shop without paying anyway.

They approached it wrong and I would go to the store personally.

BerylStreep · 23/01/2019 09:30

I'm in NI and if I'm doing a small shop I almost always put items straight into my woven bag for life as I go around the shop. Where I am it's completely normal, and I don't know anyone who has ever been stopped for it.

I hate those metal baskets, they dig into your legs with sharp corners and are uncomfortable to carry.

OP - I know you have hidden the thread, but your DS did nothing wrong. I do think though that sending a photo to Tesco is a bit OTT - I would just complain to their customer services.

JC4PMPLZ · 23/01/2019 09:31

"Not til you leave the store without paying"

Yes, but don't you run the risk of having to empty out your whole bag and match it with receipt before you are allowed to leave in case you didn't pay for a jar of balsamic pearls or whatever????

SistersResistingTheCisThing · 23/01/2019 09:32

If you're still reading (and no one can really hide their own thread even if it's booting off IME as it's like catnip Grin)

"I think I will go to the shop with a photograph of him and insist it is placed in the staff room with his name. He cannot use a trolley or basket because of the need to take exactly as much as he can carry and I don’t want him t9 be harassed like this again"

Please please do this and report back on the conversation! I can't believe people actually think things like this.

Shall I teach my DC, who is old enough to shop alone, some resilience and how to handle situations that may arise and how to gauge the volume of bags? Or should I make a trip to the shop to insist all staff members run to the staff room to look at his photo pinned up if they see someone exhibiting what the majority consider suspicious behaviour?

I would go with the resilience myself.

Can't he put the bags in a trolley and load the shopping next to it so he can compare the volumes? (It feels ridiculous to even be typing that!)

SuchAToDo · 23/01/2019 09:34

Op do you mean he put the box o weetabix in his bag after lifting it from the shelf...or put it in his bag after paying for it at the self service till?

If it's the first one then they have every right to stop someone they see lift an item from the shelf and put in their bag (because people use baskets or trolleys)

If it's the second one then you have every right to complain

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 23/01/2019 09:54

jar of balsamic pearls

Oooh they said nice what are they?

Little round calls of balsamic vinegar?

Where the hell are you shopping?

(I know ive got distracted...its a fault of mine, im working on it....ooohh shiny!!)

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 23/01/2019 09:56

Oh my god...so excited that my typing went to pot

OutPinked · 23/01/2019 09:58

When I was pushing baby/toddler DD in a pushchair and also had two other toddlers either side, I couldn’t carry my shopping any other way so had a reusable shopping bag on the handle which I would fill up in lieu of a basket. I always lived in fear of being accused of this. I guess it’s just logical to think someone putting something directly into a bag= shoplifting and stereotypes probably come into it with him being so young.

TheEmmaDilemma · 23/01/2019 10:02

I only pack into a bag as I go if I'm using a self scanner around the store.

If I intend to use the self scan at the end of the shop, the bag goes in a trolley or basket and then is packed into after scanning.

That's the norm around here (SE).

SuchAToDo · 23/01/2019 11:18

Shit In Ireland it's fairly common practice to put stuff in a carrier bag as you walk around the shop, take it all out again at the checkout and repack

I live in Ireland and in no shop/ supermarket in my town or other towns I've been have I ever seen anybody do thisHmm...and i doubt shops would allow it, (how would they know who was shopping and who was shoplifting?)

JC4PMPLZ · 23/01/2019 12:01

balsamic pearls available in Waitrose dont you know at really silly prices. Have not tried. I think they squirt vinegar into your gob from little agar jelly balls.....would love to slip in my bag and 'forget' to get out at self-service scanner.....

Inliverpool1 · 23/01/2019 12:04

How could you be stealing before you’ve left the shop, surely that’s the line in the sand

Consolidatedyourloins · 23/01/2019 12:10

Teach him to use a basket.

He can fill his bag at the till, anything that won't fit in his bag, doesn't get bought.

It's not rocket science OP.

UpsyDaaaisy · 23/01/2019 12:16

YANBU but I can see why it would raise suspicion, when I'm out shopping with my son I have to put stuff in the bottom of the pram because I can't hold a basket and push at the same time, I do feel a bit worried doing it like that though

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 23/01/2019 12:19

I live in London and if I don't have a basket put things into an empty reusable shopping bag I carry. I then empty the bag to the till, scan, pay, get a receipt and refill it.

I always make sure I get a receipt. I have told all young looking members of my family particularly the boys to always get a receipt.

Oddly the only times a shop assistant thought I was stealing was when I was using a basket, wearing my newborn in a sling and she decided to bury herself in me so her head was sideways and half hidden. On the other hand the shop security had seen it was a baby on entering the stores so knew I wasn't going anywhere fast.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/01/2019 13:03

Pmsl at only being able to buy as much as he can carry and therefore having to use the rucksack. You are setting him up to get in trouble OP!

@Inliverpool1 the offence of shoplifting is "intent to deprive" ie yes, you can be apprehended, charge and convicted if you have not left the shop. most shops don't stop people beforehand as it it difficult to prove.

It sounds to me that the shop assistant told your son that putting it in his rucksack looked suspicious and suggested that he used a basket, and he disregarded it.

WidowTwonky · 23/01/2019 13:20

Perfectly normal to put stuff straight into your bag here too. IN ENGLAND 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

Inliverpool1 · 23/01/2019 13:23

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis - well who knew !
I always used to fill the hood up of the prams 😳

Makemeaname · 23/01/2019 13:30

Wow. Ignoring the argument about putting stuff straight in a bag. A 13 year old can't carry a box of cereal and a thing of butter to the till in his hands (unless he has none in which case OP unreasonable not to mention)? And I'm not sure why OP emphasised that he has to walk a whole quarter mile home! That's a 5 minute walk, 10 maybe to allow for the uphill. Not the end of the world if something doesn't fit perfectly in your bag.

notdaddycool · 23/01/2019 13:40

Hopefully your son will learn to use a basket in future. I’m with the manager.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/01/2019 13:40

@Inliverpool1 me too tbh but was always aware of keeping things visible.

It's not normal or usual social convention to put things into a rucksack before you buy them, I'm sorry it just isn't.