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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want mil to make another doll

100 replies

Itssosunnyout · 21/01/2019 23:31

My dd (4 months) has been gifted my dhs stuffed toys from when he was a baby in addition to 7 other knitted dolls by my mil. In a way its nice about DHs toys but at the same time I find it so odd.

She now says she be making another doll with my daughter's skin tone. My dd is dual heritage.

I feel harsh as mil has put in time and effort but I feel she is taking away a first from me. All of DHs toys are ones she made herself when he was a baby.

I've been looking for an ethnic doll that I can give my daughter and want to say to mil that she has made enough. She's not really one to listen.
She knows that I've been learning to craft and sew to make my DD something but she just keeps arriving with yet more knitted toys.

I find it so annoying when she pulls out all of DH toys trying to get my DD to favour them.

Aibu??

OP posts:

Whatweretheythinking · 22/01/2019 09:44

She loves her GD I don't think your been precious she's you precious first born (as she should be), you will look back and laugh at this stage but it's perfectly fine to be annoyed with it.

I'm a crafter I make things for people I love it takes longer than you think, if you want a longer gap between things buy a complicated knitting pattern a few sizes up and some wool DK, 3ply or 4ply or buy loads of mini balls 25g. There are some lovely knitting patterns now and some really fun wool. Ask for cardigans, jumpers, all in ones, dresses, patterned hats with matching scarfs and mittens.

Angelicwings · 22/01/2019 09:53

If your MIL is good at knitting, could you redirect her away from making dolls etc, to making something beautiful and useful, like a pram or cot blanket (say you'll contribute the wool - so you can choose the colours ) or a nice cardigan (a hooded one would be lovely in this weather), or if she's good at sewing then maybe a quilt for him to roll around on on the floor, or for the bed?

Knitting is a great skill and I think it would be lovely for your DC to have hand-knitted/made items from their DGM. I would totally harness her skills and willingness to make things!!!

TougheningUp · 22/01/2019 09:57

Be wary of home made dolls.

When one of my children was tiny there was a story on the news about a baby who had died because it was given a home made teddy with glass eyes. The eyes were fixed on with a wire, one had come out, the baby had swallowed it, and the wire perforated his gut and he died.

My mother in law said she was going to make my child a teddy just like the one she'd made for her son. That had glass eyes with wires on. I told her that would be lovely but to not use the glass eyes because of the dangers associated with them. She went ballistic, insisted they were perfectly safe, and said she was going to make one anyway.

I kept telling her no and in the end she didn't make one. Instead she knitted lots of little cardigans--but the wrists were so tight that they wouldn't fit. So all those got sent to the charity shop.

Just check that the toys your child has been given are safe. No ribbons, no glass eyes, nothing that could come off and cause injury.

NutElla5x · 22/01/2019 10:14

First world problems

CandleConcerto · 22/01/2019 10:18

A bit U but also completely understandable. Although I do feel I should prepare you for the fact that your daughter’s favourite doll will be a one-eyed Beefeater that she stole from a charity shop.

MightyMoose · 22/01/2019 10:20

Try not to make it about you. Your daughter isn't a possession to be fought over. She's a tiny human who is being showered with love. My MIL send a new hot water bottle every birthday for each kid. I think I have over 25. She's old. It's her way of loving them. When she goes I'll keep one for each kid and charity shop the rest. There's so much hate and struggle in this world. Surely a granny making dolls for her grandchild can be left to crack on.

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 10:21

@NutElla5x stupid response

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2019 10:26

Am I the only one that feels a bit Euww about 20/30 year-old stuffed toys? (Apart from a couple of treasured ones)

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 10:27

we have 45+ year old stuffed toys in our house!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/01/2019 10:31

I know exactly the feeling you describe. I remember getting annoyed when my MIL took my first DD on a certain ride before I'd had a chance

I remember thinking 'she's not YOUR baby!

I doubt your MIL thought she was such precious behaviour.

mondaysaturday · 22/01/2019 10:37

YANBU. If it's a special first that really has a lot of importance to you (and frankly nobody else has the right to judge this or say "it's just a doll", we all have different ideas and traditions that are special and meaningful to us), and if she knows this, then she's stamping all over your boundaries. It's OK to stick to your guns.

Original poster

Itssosunnyout · 22/01/2019 10:41

Thanks for all of your replies.

As I've said earlier MIL does make clothes blankets pram knitted pod things and sleepsuits. She doesn't measure her so a lot have went to waste but I won't throw them away as we hope to have another baby in a few years. Plus is feel bad giving them away.
With clothes the niggle I have is that she doesn't ask me about styles and a lot of the clothes aren't what is put on DD. She won't allow me to buy the wool or choose a pattern. I'd like better quality wool that looks and feels better Especially when so much effort has went in. There are so many gorgeous modern patterns on etsy.

I did say to MIL that my project was to make a doll that reflects my daughter and I've been spending ages (when she doesn't sleep in my arms) making it. My DD hardly has any hair and her eye colour isn't settled yet so its very much a work in progress.

I know that DD will choose whatever she wants. However this is a big gift from mother to daughter. Mil has made a gorgeous knitted doll so I feel that this could be one thing she doesn't make.

The knitted toys that MIL has made are a mixture of animals and dolls. I don't want my DD growing up with just dolls and fairies. The dolls house would be neutral so she can use her imagination

OP posts:

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 10:46

you're extrapolating a lot - what makes you think that because your MIL makes her animals and dolls that that's all she'll have and that it's a bad thing. You're making it sound like she'll grow up locked in the house with nothing to look at or play with apart from these toys!

You can't control what her grandmother gives her, and you really shouldn't. Don't interfere in their burgeoning relationship and make it a competition. You are her mother. You don't get much more significant than that!

toddlepod · 22/01/2019 10:46

Maybe suggest that the toys she makes are so lovely that other children would love them? Is there a Stitch and bitch or knitting/crochet/sewing circle that she could join?

I am in a S & B group and we make bonnets, bootees, blankets and little toys for preemies. Maybe something like that would give her a way to make things and take pleasure knowing they're going to help others?

Yolande7 · 22/01/2019 10:53

Maybe keep your MIL busy with a project that you actually want. Ask her to sew a complicated dress or make your family as dolls or patchwork quilt.

Angelicwings · 22/01/2019 11:05

CandleConcerto Tue 22-Jan-19 10:18:40 "A bit U but also completely understandable. Although I do feel I should prepare you for the fact that your daughter’s favourite doll will be a one-eyed Beefeater that she stole from a charity shop."

That is SPOT ON! There is absolutely no way of knowing what will take a child's fancy in a beloved favourite soft toy. You just hope it's not something too ugly but if it is, you just have to suck it up!!

drspouse · 22/01/2019 11:16

If you don't like the toys/clothes (if she is just knitting what she knitted for your DH I can guess the style and the wool) then I'd be giving them to charity TBH. Maybe give her some wool you like?

But you really have no way of knowing if your DD will prefer your or her doll. It's not a big ceremony like graduating from university. It really isn't.

anniehm · 22/01/2019 11:24

I think it's a lovely thought and is different to you buying toys. Please take a bit of time to consider how excited she is at the arrival of a grandchild rather than it being about rivalry over a toy of all things. Handmade toys are so different to shop bought, it doesn't stop you buying one

anniehm · 22/01/2019 11:27

Oh and can I suggest that you direct her knitting efforts elsewhere as a diversionary tactic - cardigans in 6-12 month size for the summer for example, hand knits trump anything from the shop

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 11:33

drspouse I don't think the OP should give away the toys her MIL has made for her DD before the DD is even old enough to express a preference - they've not been made for the OP!

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 11:35

OP - I also think it's worth knowing this - even if your MIL only made a single toy for your DD, your DD could still easily prefer that toy to the one you're making.

Ariela · 22/01/2019 11:36

Definitely re-direct her efforts to hats, summer cardigans, mittens (that always get lost) etc.
Also keep an eye on the local FB pages for your local hospital with neonatal intensive care unit, they often want teeny tiny hats etc knitted for prem babies, steer her in that direction too.

Tinkerbell89 · 22/01/2019 11:44

Just explain again to her how you feel and that DD doesn't need so many things. If she continues raise it again and don't accept them or say they'd be great for going to charity for kids who need them or put then in a box in the loft. Sounds like she's excited but also needs to listen to you and respect your wishes as the mum.

MrsSpenserGregson · 22/01/2019 13:25

Am I the only one who wants to see a photo of the knitted dolls?!

Omzlas · 22/01/2019 16:15

You could learn to crochet and make tonnes of awesome stuff too. Just an idea.

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