To not want mil to make another doll

[Itssosunnyout]

My dd (4 months) has been gifted my dhs stuffed toys from when he was a baby in addition to 7 other knitted dolls by my mil. In a way its nice about DHs toys but at the same time I find it so odd.

She now says she be making another doll with my daughter's skin tone. My dd is dual heritage.

I feel harsh as mil has put in time and effort but I feel she is taking away a first from me. All of DHs toys are ones she made herself when he was a baby.

I've been looking for an ethnic doll that I can give my daughter and want to say to mil that she has made enough. She's not really one to listen.
She knows that I've been learning to craft and sew to make my DD something but she just keeps arriving with yet more knitted toys.

I find it so annoying when she pulls out all of DH toys trying to get my DD to favour them.

Aibu??

Ask her to make the knitted doll for you instead of for the baby. Based on what you've posted, I think she'd do it. After all, you can understand the emotional need driving her crafting but your baby cannot. Maybe you can help give her closure? I hope she had a happy childhood despite the lack of handmade toys. x

I remember that feeling too . I got really put out when MIL would buy everything before me. Every time she turned up to the house it would be first teddy, first doll etc. The worst was when I was planning to buy a dolls house for Xmas when she was 4 and we came back from a holiday to find a big dolls house . For no reason , not birthday or anything . I was annoyed like that. Now MIL has passed away and I miss her being so interested in DD and wanting to hear news about her. It’s so much better than a grandparent that isn’t interested . I understand feeling ‘ precious ‘ though . That was me.

I think she sounds sweet knitting dolls

You can't 'ask her to stop'

Tell her that you would like her to appreciate her toys and not be overwhelmed, so just a very small number of stuffed toys in the baby years. And you'll be storing some of them away for her for never when she's older. Make sure you put out on display one or two of MILs, a couple of your husbands and a couple of special chosen or made ones just for you. She will soon get fed up of making things only for them to go disappearing into the abyss loft.

Just from you, I mean

Lalliella
There is a lot more to it in the sense that DD is a rainbow baby so I tend to get a bit emotional about things to do with DD.
But I understand that all grandparents faced that loss too.

Pinkhorses
The dolls house will also come even though its something I've said I will be buying DD. I will be suggesting that stays at GP house. Mil does project a lot of what she didn't have as a child. But then she tells me how she did all these firsts for DH as they were so important to her.

I think 7 folks at 4 months old is enough! I would tell her very kindly that your Dd has enough for now and you’re a bit worried about where they’re all going to go so if she wants to make anymore can get please stay at her house.

I agree with thanking her for the dolls but not wanting to overwhelm your dd with too many of them for you think she will probably appreciate them much more if there are fewer. Maybe ask if your mil could knit a cardigan instead?

Both my nan and my mil were knitters. My mil used to make quantities of knitted dolls because she liked making them. I had to decline after a while!

Firsts are overrated btw. I have a much loved and much waited for child, who was finally conceived through ivf. I’m sorry you lost your first child. That must have been very difficult for you. Time will help you to relax and enjoy the moment. It sounds as though you want to intensely wanting to capture each experience. I get that. But you’re missing out in a way.

Mummyoflittledragon

She also knitted clothes, sleeping bags, blankets. I've asked her to stop knitting those though unless DD needs them as she's not even been able to wear some as she's grown so quick.

I love knitted things and have offered to but the wool and patterns but MIL declines and uses the same patterns used for DH

Ds’ fave toy is a stuffed donkey that my mums neighbours daughter (so close link...) gave us. He adores it. It’s loveky and soft (a jellycat one I think). The comforters etc we (dh and I, dparents the in laws) bought are nothing in comparison to “oatey” the donkey.

Ffs. Poor MILs can do nothing right in this place. 🙄

If she likes knitting can she make jumpers and cardigans? She could do doll designs on them or make little dolls attached into the pockets.

You’re being overly precious and a bit mean when someone is being kind. It’s a knitted doll, for goodness sake. Many, many mothers would love to have someone who cared and who wanted to be generous and helpful. Rearing a baby is rarely best done in isolation.

With your update I think see the issue a little more. It sounds as though she is trying to recreate the time she had as a mother despite being the grandmother this time. Otherwise why else would she refuse to do things you also like? Boundaries are needed, yes.

I would hate this too OP but I'm not sure how you would stop it without hurting feelings. Neither of my DCs played with soft toys so any that were bought or made for them were just stressful, unnecessary clutter in my small house that I felt obliged to keep.

With the old ones I would worry about whether they would conform to current safety regulations and if they can't be washed I would worry about dust and dirt.

I think it's nice of her to do this because she won't be doing it forever, our kids are not little for long after all. Nothing to stop you buying something special for your little daughter.

YABU in terms of feeling put out that MIL is making things for the baby but YANBU in terms of the sheer volume of stuff she's giving you! You will have to start putting these stuffed toys and dolls in storage if she keeps producing more. Babies don't really interact with stuffed toys much anyway until they are old enough to use imagination in play. When they are very little they like toys that make noises and have different textures etc

You'll still get to give her a special doll from you, regardless of anything your MIL gives. We got a constant stream of teddies, blankets etc from my MIL. Most just got put away, but she enjoyed the process which is kind of the point. And you certainly can't predict what the favourite toy will be. I spent ages picking DS's first teddy, but he never caught on to it. Instead he is permanently attached to a really naff monkey he spotted in a tourist attraction gift shop.

You can still buy her the first doll. Your MIL isn't buyinh one, she's making her one. Don't worry, you will still get to be the first to take her down a smelly row of killer baby dolls and have her spend 40 minutes picking one out just for you to get it home, have her play with it for three minutes, drop it on the ground and never touch it again but play with the plastic box it came in for the next several hours.

First doll. What a ridiculous milestone. Honestly.

Why not gently discourage the knitted toys by saying something like "oh MIL you have made so many of these lovely knitted toys, I do envy your knitting skills, I wonder might you be able to knit a pram blanket? That would be really useful"

Think of a few useful things for her to knit, blankets, shawls, cosy toes, jackets, cardigans, hats, mittens, romper, bootees etc and encourage her to try different things. This is kinder than asking her not to make the toys and you get useful stuff too. You might be glad of a knitter in the family in a few years when DC needs a cardigan for dance club or whatever!

I think a knitted doll is different to a ‘first doll’ such as Baby Annabelle or Tiny Tears.

It’s actually quite a nice gesture she wants to do one in the skin tone.

Could you get your mil to knit something else, maybe a jacket or a blanket. Somrthing you'd like and use.

I'm glad you can see you are being precious.

My in laws barely acknowledge the existence of their only grandchild.