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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want mil to make another doll

100 replies

Itssosunnyout · 21/01/2019 23:31

My dd (4 months) has been gifted my dhs stuffed toys from when he was a baby in addition to 7 other knitted dolls by my mil. In a way its nice about DHs toys but at the same time I find it so odd.

She now says she be making another doll with my daughter's skin tone. My dd is dual heritage.

I feel harsh as mil has put in time and effort but I feel she is taking away a first from me. All of DHs toys are ones she made herself when he was a baby.

I've been looking for an ethnic doll that I can give my daughter and want to say to mil that she has made enough. She's not really one to listen.
She knows that I've been learning to craft and sew to make my DD something but she just keeps arriving with yet more knitted toys.

I find it so annoying when she pulls out all of DH toys trying to get my DD to favour them.

Aibu??

OP posts:
slappinthebass · 22/01/2019 08:47

My mum and MIL are both knitters and sewers and I feel so lucky! Yes, sometimes the children have received things in abundance or not to my taste but so what. They can be put away and bought out for their visits. I absolutely love vintage children's clothes and toys so I've requested things from vintage knitting patterns many times, maybe try and embrace it. Buy some nice wool and see if you can encourage her to use it, if not, it's not the end of the world, just save them for her visits.

I've never really understood the desire to be the first to buy a doll/dolls house/bike etc. If the grandparents want to buy an expensive item then they can go ahead imo! Maybe use it to your advantage and ask if they'd like to buy her her first dolls pram?

Holidayshopping · 22/01/2019 08:50

You must be running out of space with all those knitted toys!

rightreckoner · 22/01/2019 08:51

What could be lovelier than a grandma making a doll to look like a loved grandchild. My mum has made some for my dcs and dns - all coordinated to ethnicity, eye colour, favourite colour in the clothing etc. My grandma did the same for us. I still have mine and love the love that went into it.

Well done for recognising you are a bit over sensitive on this. Your child is loved by many people and that’s always good.

rightreckoner · 22/01/2019 08:52

Also the first thing is not a thing. Your DD will end up loving most the hideous thing that came home with you by accident from toddler group. You can’t engineer these things.

RiverTam · 22/01/2019 08:56

I understand your emotions but I think your DD is lucky to have these wonderful handmade gifts full of love from her granny. And what a lovely thing to make her a doll that exactly reflects who she (your DD) is. I would hope she'll treasure these for a long time.

DD's absolute number one cuddly that is always with her at night (she's now 9) came from her grandad. Given that these days he's not much in her life it's a nice connection and memory of him for her.

Pfingstrose · 22/01/2019 09:04

My best friend's daughter was bought lots of beautiful expensive dolls. As a toddler she fell in love with a worn out old baby doll in a charity shop and has carried it round ever since.

There is no accounting for the taste of young children and no telling what they'll attach themselves too.

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2019 09:10

You've had plenty of time to buy her a doll, stop talking about it and do it. Because as it stands right now, she has no doll.

MumW · 22/01/2019 09:17

DD1's special toy is a freebie that came with washing powder or something or other.
DD2's was a soft toy chosen and given to her by my god daughter.

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2019 09:19

My eldest Granddaughter hated dolls, it's all ponies/unicorn/cat teddies that she wants.

Some people treasure childhood stuff, to others they are pointless clutter.

That's the danger in getting over invested in stuff. Your setting yourself up for a lot of hurt.

I remember, now dead relatives for the time spent/days out etc, real happy memories. I couldn't tell you what they ever bought me. I can remember the Sindy doll clothes my Nan made, but I prefer the holiday/roast dinner memories.

drspouse · 22/01/2019 09:23

YAB a bit U TBH.
Your DD will like whichever doll she, personally, prefers, not the one you make or the one your MIL makes!

However my DD's (also mixed ethnicity) favourite for quite some time was this one from Lanka Kade which I bought her:

www.lankakade.co.uk/girl-doll-brown-skin-black-hair/p564

and her two current favourites are a plastic baby doll with brown skin that I specifically asked my DM to get her as a birthday present, and one that I made.

Orchiddingme · 22/01/2019 09:23

I was also going to say one of my dd's never played with dolls or stuffed toys for that matter. Your dd will grow up with her own likes/dislikes. Try to see it as her channeling her love and emotion into these knitted items. As long as she doesn't take offence if you don't have them on display or she isn't wearing one of the cardigans, then I think this is ok.

MaegorT · 22/01/2019 09:23

There's no guessing which toy a child will favour. Your MIL can take a punt at it but you're both in the running. Don't worry!

drspouse · 22/01/2019 09:23

(Note the Lanka Kade was a 2nd birthday present and it was just right for that age. I don't think she'd have become nearly as attached to it if she'd got it at a much younger age).

BertrandRussell · 22/01/2019 09:24

My mother made excellent bears for all her grandchildren. Some, like my dd’s, are still treasured decades later. Some, like my ds’s are still sitting on his bedroom shelf untouched for 18 years having been replaced by a vile purple dinosaur (older readers will know who I mean!)as soon as he had enough control over his hands to choose what to cuddle. Don’t sweat the small stuff, OP!

OneShotFinch · 22/01/2019 09:28

I can see why you are frustrated, but don't get hung up on the "special firsts"

All this talk of buying her first doll and dollhouse. She might not even like dolls yet? She might grow up preferring trainsets, or unicorns or whatever!

My son was given many special soft toys from us, grandparents, his siblings etc... but in the end his most beloved one became a cheap little teddy I just bought to look nice in his nursery!

You just don't know what will be special to her yet. But don't forget, that no matter what MIL makes for her, YOU will always be the most special person to her!

diddl · 22/01/2019 09:28

I was going to suggest a blanket instead, but I see that she has done some already!!

AnyOldPrion · 22/01/2019 09:29

I HATED knitted toys as a child. I wanted REAL toys dammit. Too young to appreciate the work and love that went into them.

Wish I had one of my grandmothers knitted dolls now!

Good luck OP. Try not to stress the small stuff and enjoy your time with your daughter.

CherryPavlova · 22/01/2019 09:32

Depending where you live you might direct your MIL to knitting for local hospital neonatal unit. Some want blankets. Some want boots and mittens.

CherryPavlova · 22/01/2019 09:33

Or get her knitting you some very nice jumpers!

vjg13 · 22/01/2019 09:33

My dogs love knitted toys so if you need to off load any try your local rescues!

Shodan · 22/01/2019 09:35

Could you perhaps suggest she knits for neonatal babies? Lots of hospitals welcome blankets, hats etc to keep the babies warm.

I do get what you mean about the 'firsts' though. My XMIL was very eager to give ds2 his 'firsts' and I found it so annoying at the time, but 11 years on I honestly can't really remember who gave him what (apart from his first teddy bear, who was ignored in favour of a cuddly elephant given by SIL. This was made much of by MIL, but then elephant got lost and the bear XH and I bought has been the most loved thing).

PPs are right though- children latch onto whatever they fancy, even if it's a plastic dinosaur/manky Mcdonalds toy/ bendy hair roller (thanks, ds1 Grin)

BrightStarrySky · 22/01/2019 09:36

This will probably be an annoyance for many years to come, but it’s also one to take on the chin. You MIL is being kind and is this is coming from a good place.

I have a similar frustration with gifts for my two dds, when it comes to their birthdays or Christmas a few family members will each given them bags of presents - so bags of presents just from one person! One small gift from each person would be so much better because they get overwhelmed with all the things. It’s way too much and I feel they are getting spoilt with the sheer quantities.

But - I wouldn’t ever complain because I appreciate this is all coming from good intentions. Western kids are very fortunate!

CheesyWeez · 22/01/2019 09:41

Go out today and buy her the doll you want her to have OP!

And the dolls house, actually, as this is important to you. It's early as she's small but that way MiL can't turn up with one and caused a lot of awkwardness.

I had a similar problem on holiday with my MiL as we came back to the holiday house for my DD's birthday tea - my MiL had laid the table and put my candles in an apple cake she'd made (I don't like apple cake) I was SO annoyed. We had our "proper birthday" cake in the fridge. We politely ate the apple cake (DH loves it and MiL's intentions were generous) but seriously did she think I wouldn't enjoy providing a cake for my own DD's birthday? That I would have forgotten or failed at this task? We had the nice cake the next day at our own tea party.

Enjoy your baby and don't let her babyhood pass by while worrying about what the family do/think. Wink

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/01/2019 09:42

I know I;m mean but if I were your DH I'd be stealing the toys (his toys back) and taking them to bed with me :)

StoppinBy · 22/01/2019 09:43

Just explain what you want to do and ask her to help teach you... win/win for both of you?