To only invite one to the party?

[ifiwerearichman]

So basically I have 2 little ones, age 2 and nearly 5.
They have 2 cousins who are 5 and nearly 8.
We’ve always invited cousins to our children’s birthday parties and our children have always been invited to their birthday parties.
This is until last year when eldest cousin had a cupcake decorating party for her 7th birthday and we just didn’t get an invite. Apparently she only invited 4 school friends and her 5 year old sister, fine. I’m assuming that mine were 2 young or numbers were limited, not a problem.
So for my daughters 5th birthday I’ve found a soft play that you can hire privately for a 2 hour session. I wanted to invite around 20 kids. The only problem is that it’s for under 7s only and cousin will be 8.
Husband is saying I should lie and get her in for a 6 year old, I’m saying that circumstances change, we weren’t invited to her party last year due to ages and a limit on numbers, so they should understand that I am only inviting one cousin and not the other (they are sisters)
They aren’t going to be invited to each other’s parties forever as they are different ages and often numbers are very limited.
Am I being a cow?
I think it makes it worse that I’m inviting one not the other.
It’s going to cause world war 3, but I genuinely think it’s just one of those things that change as kids get older.

Your niece wouldn;t want her baby cousins at her "big girl party" and that's PERFECTLY OK. It's different once they get older. BUT you would be petty in the extreme not to ask them both to your child's party. The older one probably won't even want to go.

I wouldn't invite either, but I'd text along the lines of
'Due to dd's venue choice and limits on numbers, we're unable to invite cousins to her party, which she is having with friends.
We'd still love to get together with you though, how does (time and place) sound? '

My 2 got nothing when it was older cousins party. They didn’t even mention she was having a party until I saw it on Facebook.

It wasn’t a party, it was a few school friends. Totally different to a soft play centre party. You sound like you are just doing tit for tat tbh, don’t invite either. It would be cruel to invite one and not the other because you don’t want to pay £14 and you want to make some point. No they won’t want to always do things together but an 8 year old will want to join in, when she’s 13 she won’t.

You sound bitter and twisted. Your neice invited 4 friends and her sister was there. It is reasonably common for a younger sibling to be at their older siblings party. To invite one and not the other is mean, to not invite either because you are peeved is just spiteful

But how were your dc upset when you didn't know anything about the party except what you saw on Facebook? Couldn't you just have not mentioned it to them? I imagine they didn't talk about it in front of your family just so your little ones didn't get upset.

Oh my days! You sound so much hard work!
I think you are the one with the problem, not your in-laws. What a drama llama!

Yeah, you do seem aggrieved and are coming across very strongly tit-for-tat. I think as a pp suggested just invite the little one, say sorry it's under-7s only for play but older one is still welcome to come and accompany grandma if she wants (she probably won't want to) but at least you made the offer. If she does want to, well, is it worth for the sake of 14 quid getting into a whole back and forth of trying to out-spite each other dramas?

Just try and put yourself in Sophie's shoes.
She wanted a cake decorating party with her best friends from school.
She had to invite her younger sister.
There's no way she'd have wanted two even younger children there! Why are you so bitter about it? It was her birthday!
The soft play is an entirely different issue. Either invite all family (in which case she comes as an guest with the other adults) or no family and only school friends.
To be honest an 8 year old probably won't even want to join in soft play with a load of younger children.

My daughter was upset as the girls took cakes they had made round to mother in laws house to show her when my dd was there and talked about the party and had their party bags with them. Dd was more upset about the party bag to be honest.
And yes, 7 is a strange cut off age, but as you can see by the screen shot it is definitely 7 years old.
As she’ll be 8 and 4 months by then I’m not entirely sure I’ll be able to sneak her in as a 6 year old.

You say you aren't bitter but everything you write shows that you are. Your niece is still 7. I'm sure the soft play will let her in.
God my dad didn't get on great with his sister when I was growing up and it sucked that me and my cousins often got dragged in to it because me and my cousins loved (and still do) hanging out!!

You are the ONLY one making any issue. Your girls weren't invited to a cupcake decorating birthday event with FOUR people. You're having a big party and not inviting them because of that. That is immature.

I'd say none rather than one of them?

Meh. It's a kids' party. Everyone involved is overthinking it. Sometimes we invite cousins, sometimes we don't, depending what the activity is and how many school friends my children want to include. There really is not need to get offended if your children are not invited to every party.

Stop tying yourself up in knots about it. I think it'll be simpler not to invite either of them. Don't type out and send an explanation, it's painful. Just don't invite them. Maybe invite them and aunties and grannies round for cake/open house the day after or something. Or not.

I’m not inviting her as she’s 16 months too old to be there.
The cake decorating info was purely to show that they don’t feel it’s an issue not to invite cousins to parties, but my husband thinks it is.
If she was under 7 then I’d just bloody invite her and not have the drama.
But I don’t want the stress of sneaking in a child that is 16 months too old to be there, or looking for a new venue just so we can accommodate her.
My daughter loves the soft play there and I don’t feel I should have to change venue.

I think 4 school friends is a big difference to a party of 20. And the 5 year old who was at the party was only there as she’s the child’s sibling. It’s not like your 5yo was the only 5yo left out.

If you don’t want to invite them that’s fine, but it’s your DDs party and she should have a say. As should your DH. And it does sound very much tit for tat. Most soft play places aren’t going to give a monkeys about 1 slightly older child.

The screenshot shows "suitable to the age of 7" not no over 7s allowed. You're being spiteful & trying to get everyone on here to back you so you feel justified.

You are being very unreasonable / unkind & you know it, so does your husband hence why he's tried to talk you out of it.

Don't invite either cousin then? It's like you want to snub one.

fine. I’m assuming that mine were 2 young or numbers were limited, not a problem

Why keep lying it wasn't a problem, you're anonymous on here and the venom you're spewing makes it very clear it was a major problem for you and you want revenge. Very odd.

Personally I'd be the bigger person, I'd say she can't play but more than welcome to come and watch, have some food etc.

If you really dislike them as much as you're sounding, then making them feel shit for not inviting yours in the way to go, and the way to do that is to invite them both.

I could sympathise with you up to a point op but you’re like a dog with chewing gum, for the love of Pete do what the hell you want and let it go.

There’s a BIG difference between inviting 4 friends and not including cousins, to inviting 20 friends and excluding ONE cousin. You’re punishing ALL the children because you don’t like your SIL.

Trust me, I get it. I have a SIL who thinks the world revolves around her. My brother is a changed man and my nieces and nephews are not the easiest of children because of it. I know it’s hard, but just invite them. SP aren’t going to know, or care, that one is 8, not 7.

Be the bigger person ☕️💐

Btw even siblings don't always go to each other's parties here. It's not just our family. It's fairly common when the birthday treat is something for 4 or 5 children only and having a younger brother in the mix would change the dynamic. Other years they've desperate for their sibling to be part of it. Swings and roundabouts.

Ah I get it. You want the little one to come because she didn’t snub your kids. I see now.

Right I’ll just not invite either.
Don’t even know why I’m giving it the head space.
Eldest is too old, they set a precedent last year of not inviting cousins, end of story!

I don't think that will go down well. The left out cousin did nothing wrong and she 'll be upset. Either invite both and lie about her age if asked, or neither.

For goodness sake invite both children they are family it's surely not fit for tat.
This is why families fall out. Stop and think how the child which is left out will feel. Forget what they did.

I honestly don't think you are being unreasonable. My kids have cousins similar in age and everyone of their birthday parties growing up was always with my SIL's family, and never included our kids. When my kids birthdays rolled around they always invited their cousins. I was happy to do that, but eventually after a few years they realised that they were never on the receiving end of invitations and were quite hurt by it. The kids are older now and parties no longer a thing, but I think the lack of reciprocity did drive a wedge between them.