How to confront MIL

[piraterach]

I need advice on how to talk to MIL about this.

She currently looks after my LG a few afternoons a week. This was her choosing (she didn't want to do full days or mornings).

She doesn't work.

She seems to be coming up with any excuse not to have LO. Every week it's another excuse and these excuses turn up in the form of a text 30 minutes before pick up time. They are always poor excuses too (trying to get a drs appointment, forgot it was today, book a non emergency dentist appointment)

Me and my husband both work full time so can't just drop everything to go pick baby up (luckily CM has been very flexible).

How do I ask MIL to stop this? I would like her to continue with childcare as it saves us a lot of money and gives them a good relationship but I need her to be more consistent

It does sound as if MiL doesn't want to do so many (or, maybe, any) afternoons. However she should have given you more than half an hour's notice. Hope you have a calm amicable discussion and MiL continues to enjoy being with her GD when possible.

gotta be a wind up?

That would be my guess...

The OP said ages ago she was going to go with full-time childminder.

a) The MiL offered
b) The OP has acknowledged the misuse of the word 'confront'
c) If you accept an offer, you're not 'entitled'
d) The OP realises she has to look for alternative childcare
e) What stopped the MiL being honest instead of mucking them about?

a) The MiL offered
b) The OP has acknowledged the misuse of the word 'confront'
c) If you accept an offer, you're not 'entitled'
d) The OP realises she has to look for alternative childcare
e) What stopped the MiL being honest instead of mucking them about?

This!!!!! All of this!!!!!!

NewDOOFUSfor2019 I am very impressed with your intuition. She risked both you and your partner's livelihoods.

She shouldn't be letting you down at short notice, and YANBU to need consistency. But I agree she is trying to let you know that this arrangement doesn't work for her anymore and you need to look for alternatives.

My mum helps us a lot with childcare. She's fantastic. My MIL used to look after DS for 1 day a week. One day I went to pick him up and she told me that she'd left him in a shitty nappy for over 2 hours because he "wouldn't let her change it". He was a baby ffs. Sometimes family care works really well and can be a godsend, and other times it doesn't.

yoyo I could see the way it was going after the first 3 weeks, I knew at that point that something had to be done. If I hadn't agreed nights I'm not sure what we would have done, I was pretty annoyed to be put in that position when I didn't even want the childcare in the first place!

Her son should speak to his own mother not you.

Itcan be done factually - as you set out in the OP. Being late for things makes it difficult to plan when you’re both at work. It isn’t like she’s babysitting at the weekend, it’s childcare.

Ask her if she is finding it difficult. Tell you you’ll plan to use paid childcare and she can babysit at other times?

Hope you get it sorted. My DM (not flaky) used to do one day a week (at her request) but she didn't really get for a while that you need to do every week if it's to allow someone to work and not just the ones you feel like, every other week etc.

I have looked after my grandson one day a week for the last year. I have never once cancelled. I still work but always turn down days when I have him. It is a big highlight of the week