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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how long your baby should sleep with you?

177 replies

penelopepig · 21/01/2019 08:46

Posting here for traffic really, bit confused.

I'm getting so much conflicting advice on how long a newborn should sleep in your room for and wondered what everyone's thoughts are and why?

I seem to be getting 6 months as a guideline from a lot of people but if you have a partner getting ready in the mornings etc in the same room- how in the hell are you supposed to establish any semblance of a routine?

OP posts:

meepmoop · 21/01/2019 08:48

We did 6months as per the guidelines, DS worked shifts and it didn't seem to affect DS as he just slept through him getting ready

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/01/2019 08:51

Can't your partner grab his stuff (or - better - set it out the night before) and then get dressed in the bathroom or the living room? I can understand that there are good reasons why a lot of people don't stick to the six months guidelines (we didn't, quite, because five month old DS outgrew his Next To Me and his full-size cot didn't fit in our room), but this one seems quite easily solved?

ememem84 · 21/01/2019 08:57

Ds was 3 months. Health visitor raised an eyebrow and gave me a stern lecture about it.

I invited her round to see if she could come up with a solution. At the time we were in a 2 bed apartment. Ds has outgrown his Moses basket and his cot wouldn’t fit in our room without us ripping out the fitted wardrobes, or getting a single bed. We have a king bed but even if we’d downgraded to a double it wouldn’t have fitted.

Hv suggested I slept on the floor in ds’ room for the next 3 months. I ignored that.

Dc2 is on the way now and we’ll do the same. In with us until he/she has outgrown the basket then in own room. Or earlier if he/she is a snorer....Ds was and still is a snorer (he’s 15 months...)

We’ve moved house now to a 3 bed house so have more room to live but bedrooms are only slightly bigger. And no chance for a cot to fit in our room with our bed as well.

Whyislarryhappy · 21/01/2019 08:59

Each to their own. And depends on living situation. When my Ds was born we were in 1 bed, he stayed in our bedroom until we moved when he was 2 and a half. Although he was in his own bed just after he turned 1. When we moved, ds had his own room, dd was in with us until 10m when we moved to larger property. New property fine, apart from mouse problem. Getting in from 2nd bedroom, mice have been trapped and holes been sealed, but currently 2 DC in bedroom with Us. Luckily bedroom us big enough for king size and bunkbed. They will remain in our room until we know for certain mice cannot get in via that room

SoyDora · 21/01/2019 09:04

The guidance is 6 months and is what we have always done. We all get up at the same time (have older DC to get ready for school/pre school etc) so it doesn’t really matter that DH will be getting ready for work as we’ll all be up/awake anyway.
You have to weigh up the risks and make your own decision.

Wooosh · 21/01/2019 09:04

The guidelines are definitely 6 months, but I suppose people do all sorts to suit their circumstances.
If it is just about your partner getting ready, can't they just grad clothes and get dressed elsewhere?! Seems a shame to move your DC out just for that reason....

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 21/01/2019 09:09

Guideline is 6 months but I moved DD when she slept through the night. She was fine and we were waking her up when going to bed.

Original poster

penelopepig · 21/01/2019 09:20

I probably should have been more clear, DH getting ready isn't the only problem, just an example of one off the top of my head.

I have a few friends who put their babies in the nursery from pretty much day one and some who are still cosleeping with toddlers, it's the only parenting decision so far where I've come completely unstuck just not knowing what is best

OP posts:

Femaleassassin · 21/01/2019 09:23

Use your instincts - keep the baby with you. Theyre only small for so short a time. They'll be teenagers before you know it!

Yearofthemum · 21/01/2019 09:25

We mostly did 9-12 months but last DS was 3 years. He was a very easy baby though.

MynameisJune · 21/01/2019 09:26

We followed the guidelines and will do again with DC2 due later this year. I’m pretty laid back about a lot of stuff but SIDS was a huge worry to me so it was better for my mental health to have her close. There is established research as to why they should be with you, it isn’t just for the fun of it.

NerrSnerr · 21/01/2019 09:28

There is a lot of information on the Lullaby Trust website about room sharing. I'd have a read through that to help make the decision.

I kept my babies in my room for 6 months (possibly a bit longer, I can't remember). I knew a baby who died from SIDS when I was a teen so it's something I was very anxious about and I found the Lullaby trust webpage very useful.

JamThenClottedCream · 21/01/2019 09:31

We put DD in her own room for the first time last night. She's 8.5 months. We kept her in with us for so long (to some standards) because she didn't sleep brilliantly and we were still up with her 2-3 times a night so it's just felt easier.

Last night she slept 7.45pm-6.10am!!! I'm hoping it's not a fluke 🤞🏻

Jackshouse · 21/01/2019 09:38

The guidelines are 6 months to reduce the number of babies dying from SIDS. I believe SIDS rates peak at 4 months and significantly reduce at 6 months but please double check if you are basing a decision on this.

You need to decide what is more important, reducing the risk of SIDS or a routine that will keep changing anyway.

Stinkytoe · 21/01/2019 09:45

Guidelines are a minimum of 6 months. I kept my twins in with me until they turned one and really wanted their own cots (and I couldn’t fit 2 in our room)

Up until 6 months they were with us at all times so when the girls went to bed at night we would either go to bed too or cuddle them downstairs until we were ready to sleep.

After 6 months we started putting them to bed and then would go up to sleep later.

They’ve always woken earlier than DH needed to for work so that was never an issue.

babyworry2018 · 21/01/2019 09:48

It's six months for all sleeps in same room: there's no ambiguity about the guidelines but some people do choose to ignore them.

My husband sometimes is up at 6, sometimes 8, sometimes he wakes to me feeding the baby, sometimes the baby and I are asleep and he sneaks out. He's got a watch with a vibrating alarm clock and will leave his clothes in the bathroom the night before. At three months, we still have a fairly loose bedtime and awake time, but generally she's gone down for a ninety minute nap downstairs while we eat dinner/watch tv, then we move her up for a final nappy change/feed in the room and read for a bit then sleep ourselves.

Putting then in their own room early is honestly about the only parenting choice I judge as it's so clearly for their own safety and the only reason not to do it is a fairly minor amount of inconvenience for the parents. But when the baby arrives I'd be surprised if you want them in another room. I currently think it will be easier having her in with us till she's about a year: even now sometimes she stirs and I can soothe her just by putting a hand out (side-sleeper cot), if I had to get up and go to another room she'd be fully awake and unhappy.

hammeringinmyhead · 21/01/2019 09:50

Our DS is 3 months and goes to bed when we do (11ish) and wakes up for the day at about 9.30. DH sneaks out with his stuff at about 8.30.

He'll be in with us as long as he fits in his Tutti Bambini crib I think. Mainly as the nursery is on the third floor and we are on the second.

AfterSchoolWorry · 21/01/2019 09:51

6 months. The baby should be near enough to follow your breathing

The adults exhale is what triggers the baby to keep breathing btw.

Highpeak · 21/01/2019 09:51

5.5 months for us, main reason was that coincided with Christmas period so having a few bad nights wouldn't affect us so much. We were also finding we were waking her up when we went to bed

hammeringinmyhead · 21/01/2019 09:52

He is an average sized baby I should say, so it should fit him for another few months!

SoyDora · 21/01/2019 09:53

As babyworry2018 says, the advice isn’t ambiguous at all. The advice is that all sleeps should be in the same room as you for 6 months. Some people choose to follow it, some don’t.

PatricksRum · 21/01/2019 09:53

Depends on your approach.
I'm attachment parenting so probsbly till dc is 50

cochineal7 · 21/01/2019 09:54

I also stuck to to 6 month guideline - and with DC1 even a bit longer (as we moved and had no alternative at the time). Both were EBF and found it so much more convenient to just be there for the night feed.

UrsulaPandress · 21/01/2019 09:59

DD (19) was in with me last night.

ReaganSomerset · 21/01/2019 10:00

The guidelines say six months. That's what we did, and no it wasn't fun (we kept her downstairs with us until we went up to bed every evening, which meant spending every evening in silence and darkness!) and yes DD did sleep better in her own room once we finally moved her.

But, had she died from SIDS in her own room after I had gone against the guidance I could not have lived with the guilt. It's very unlikely, yes, and won't happen to the vast majority but it does happen and that's why the guidance exists. As a parent you have to decide if, on balance, it's a risk you're willing to make. No one can decide that for you.

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