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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to shop and leaving baby.

97 replies

ManaPana · 21/01/2019 08:23

Just had a discussion with DH.

He's got the car, DS has a fever, I was having a bit of a moan as he was meant to do shopping yesterday. I looked in the fridge and he didn't go. Not a big deal, he usually does it and his dad came round unannounced, plus Sunday shopping. It slipped his mind.

I said I need some food. DS has a temperature. I'm exhausted. I'll get a pizza takeaway.

He said why don't I just leave DS home for 5 mins whilst I nip to the shop (realistically this would probably take 10 mins).

I'm shocked he would leave a 13 week old baby at home on his own. If he woke up and nobody was there he could be left screaming for 10 or more minutes. What if there was a fire? (Unlikely but could happen), our house was burgled, or he had a car accident? Again all unlikely but possible!

AIBU to be really nervous about his way of thinking? To think it's bad he even suggested this?

OP posts:
PinaColada1 · 21/01/2019 08:56

It is a big deal. He hasn’t got the how to keep baby safe message yet. Even screaming for 10 minutes with a high temperature without you there... well it’s just not worth a pint of milk.

LL83 · 21/01/2019 08:57

Your choice about being in room for all naps. I worry it's a lot of pressure though and a break is important too. I would check my babies when they are napping but I would take the opportunity for a break or get stuff done too (especially with 2nd child as I could spend time with the 1st).

Not criticising your decision, just remember to look after yourself too.

PinaColada1 · 21/01/2019 08:59

My Ex was like this. I found showing him leaflets, online messages and taking him to HV appointments and raising the issues he’s thought were okay were one of the few ways I could get him to listen.

Aaarghh so frustrating. He was walking around with our baby with his shoe laces undone!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 21/01/2019 09:04

My additional worry would be what if something happened to you whilst you were out? Who would know there's a baby at home alone.

Utter insanity for him to even consider it!

MynameisJune · 21/01/2019 09:09

No I wouldn’t leave a baby at home alone, how crazy to suggest. If he just has a cold then I’d wrap him up warm and just nip to the shop with him.

Wooosh · 21/01/2019 09:11

That is a crazy suggestion! I would be having another conversation with him to check he understands what a ridiculous idea that was and confirm he would never do that.
Agree, naps in the same room as you, obvs if you need to pop to the bathroom then a couple of mins is OK. For showers - bouncy chair in the bathroom with you or wait till DP gets home.

Femaleassassin · 21/01/2019 09:13

I've done it.

MynameisJune · 21/01/2019 09:18

Meant to add about all naps in same room as well. We did with DC1 and will with DC2. Not difficult really she slept in the carrycot of the pram for the first 3/4 months and I just moved it around depending on what I was doing. If it was 5 mins in the kitchen to make some lunch or get a drink I’d leave her. Same if I was pottering in/out doing housework. If I went upstairs for longer she’d come with me and sleep in her cot.

trulybadlydeeply · 21/01/2019 09:18

If he just has a fever, no vomiting or anything, there is absolutely no reason why you can't wrap him up well, pop him in his pram, and go and get a few bits. Your DH is being ridiculous.

CosmicComet · 21/01/2019 09:18

How very worrying that he thinks it’s ok to leave a small baby unsupervised. And how awful for you because you basically can’t trust him to be left in charge of the baby now.

Those who said “how are you meant to cook, clean, shower, use the loo, etc” have obviously never had kids. You take the kid in the bathroom or kitchen with you in a bouncy chair, or a high chair when they’re older. I’ve been known to breastfeed a screaming baby while I’m on the loo because I was desperate to go and he was hysterical.

Femaleassassin · 21/01/2019 09:20

Cosmic - I bf all my kids and frequently left them in other rooms Hmm

Lovemusic33 · 21/01/2019 09:21

If he just has a fever it’s fine to take him with you, wrap him up and take him, it might even bring his fever down.

I would never leave a baby home alone even if the show was next door.

RiverTam · 21/01/2019 09:21

never mind about the napping - that's pretty worrying that he thinks it fine to leave a tiny baby alone in the house for any period of time. You need to sort this out before you get to the point of leaving the baby with his dad.

Is he normally an airhead about things?

HoppingPavlova · 21/01/2019 09:22

AIBU to be really nervous about his way of thinking? To think it's bad he even suggested this?

YADNBU. Leaving a 13 week old baby like this is a form of child endangerment.

Original poster
ManaPana · 21/01/2019 09:23

Thought I was going mad for a second. So IANBU. What a shame he thinks this way :(

@trulybadlydeeply I could, but to be honest it's just easier not to. He's so cranky and has colic on top of that. If he's awake and not feeding he's whining and stressed. I could go out with him but am choosing not too because I would rather keep him snuggled up on the sofa (I'm also exhausted but have been for the past 3 months Grin )

OP posts:
UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 21/01/2019 09:23

You can wrap him up well and bring him with you, he'll be okay. Definitely don't leave him!

Stinkytoe · 21/01/2019 09:24

OP is right re sleep guidelines, baby should be in the same room as you at all times, hence leaving the house is obviously a huge no no.

Original poster
ManaPana · 21/01/2019 09:25

The point isn't about whether I should take him with me. I know I can take him out, I'm choosing not to. The issue is that DH thinks my best option is to just leave him! Sad

OP posts:
CosmicComet · 21/01/2019 09:25

Cosmic - I bf all my kids and frequently left them in other rooms

Mine (most people’s?) babies would cry if they were left alone.

Femaleassassin · 21/01/2019 09:25

Its probably more dangerous driving down the motorway with your baby in the car than leaving a sleeping baby for 10 mins.

Seline · 21/01/2019 09:28

Those who said “how are you meant to cook, clean, shower, use the loo, etc” have obviously never had kids.

I've got 3 kids.

MynameisJune · 21/01/2019 09:28

But driving down the motorway is probably necessary for your day. Leaving a baby isn’t.

Original poster
ManaPana · 21/01/2019 09:29

@Femaleassassin doesn't change the fact that guidelines say baby is to nap in the same room as you to decrease SIDS risk. The fact that driving down a motorway is more dangerous doesn't really change anything. It's just a random fact. If you chose to leave your baby in another room whilst you got on with things then that was your choice and nobody else's, but surely you can understand why new mums stick to guidelines given to them by healthcare professionals in order to decrease the risk of their new baby dying suddenly?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2019 09:29

I thought you were gonna say he was 5 or so and I'd still have said yabu and order in.

I'd CALMLY sit down with DH and say you're really concerned about what he said, and what does he think would happen if x, yand z occurred. What does he think social services would do if they found a s reaming newborn home alone? What if he had a seizure because his temp suddenly went up and you didn't know, came home and thought he was asleep?
Hopefully it sad a moment of stupid not evidence that he's a neglectful dickhead

RiverTam · 21/01/2019 09:30

Mana ignore or the derailers, where your baby naps is not relevant to your DH endangering your baby.

Until you get this resolved I would not leave the baby alone with him for any length of time.

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