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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a wierd choice.

96 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 20/01/2019 23:52

I've decided to start dating, I have a child though so it's difficult for me to get out and meet people so a friend suggested a certain dating app. I've never been a fan of them but thought I would give it a try.
Talking to a guy, same age as me. We are 28 and he asks to go for a drink the weekend just passed but I was working so we agreed to next weekend. He said if I am free during the week we could meet too but not too late and no alcohol as he has to work and drive the next morning, no problem with me. So
He chose tomorrow evening, I am free so agreed. The only thing is, is that he wants to go for a drive. I asked where and he said one of 3 places, two I have never been and one I went to years ago, one is near water and there are 3 bridges all lit up. He said we can "drive there and sit and chat"
Now I don't know if it's just because I watch too much crime documentaries/series/films but to me this suggestion is a little wierd for a first date. I feel like it would be dangerous to go. I don't know him, so gettin into a car with someone I don't know would, in my mind, be a dangerous move. My friend on the other hand thinks it's fine And that I should go. What do you think? AIBU to think it's dangerous or is my friend BU to think this is normal?
The guy seems alright, hasn't tried to hint towards sex or anything like that which is good for me as I'm not a fan of ONS, I made this clear to him too and he also agreed that that isn't what he is looking for.... I don't know, I've not dated in over 7 years so I need help

OP posts:

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 21/01/2019 04:19

He sounds creepy. He hasn't met you and wants to take you for a drive?

I would be put off meeting him at all.

BasiliskStare · 21/01/2019 04:30

"If he wants to explain the circuitry of every train signal between Horsham and East Croydon, you can’t leave." from @Sashkin - I should not laugh but I did.

To be more serious ,
The very very great likelihood is he is not dangerous. However as so many (all) previous people have said just a drive is odd and really - is that a date . Maybe he ain't a catch. A coffee somewhere for a short while in a public place will give you a chance to know whether he is quirky or just weird. I realise I am only saying what others have , but seriously , either cancel completely / rearrange when you can have coffee etc - or even a glass of wine in a place where you are not alone & can get home easily. & again as other people have said - if he thinks his is an appropriate suggestion , well - that says a lot about him.

Hope all OK and you get it sorted out

NutElla5x · 21/01/2019 04:50

At best he's a cheapskate,at worst a serial killer. Trust your instincts and insist he meets you at the pub (he doesn't have to drink) or call it off. And get more sensible and/or caring friends while you're at it too!

Rockmysocks · 21/01/2019 05:44

Not safe. Just no. At best, you're stuck with him on his terms. Ready to go home and he's not? He's got the keys. And he gets to know where you live when he picks you up and drops you home.
That's best, remember.

At worst? Don't need to spell it out!

chordFire · 21/01/2019 06:04

The fact that he's offered to pick you up from a place that reveals your personal info (where you work) is a massive red flag to me too. The most I tell men I don't know is the region of the city I live in, never the actual town. I hope you've binned him.

cricketmum84 · 21/01/2019 06:08

No this doesn't sound right at all. Not for a second saying he is a serial killer but you always meet strangers in a public place.

My DSis does OLD and if she told me she was doing this I would seriously kick off with her!!

cricketmum84 · 21/01/2019 06:11

Ah just RTFT. So glad you're not going!

Miane · 21/01/2019 06:16

This suggestion shows he has bad judgment. Don’t date him at all

^^This. He appears to be completely lacking in empathy or awareness.

OrchidInTheSun · 21/01/2019 06:17

Don't meet him at all. He either has no idea of appropriate boundaries or he does, but is trying to push them. Either way, not suitable dating material

Workfear · 21/01/2019 06:18

Just remind your friend about the poor girl recently from Britain who was back packing in New Zealand, went on a date with a guy from the tinder app and is now never coming home.

Yes he is unlikely to be a murderer, but I guess she thought the same thing. You don't know for sure.

HundoP · 21/01/2019 06:29

No. No no no no no!

Trust your instincts.

Swipe left/block.

And then make like Ariana - Thank u next!

pictish · 21/01/2019 06:38

No and I’d say so to the guy so he can refrain from this date suggestion in future. Tell him you’d never get into a car with a complete stranger and that you prefer first dates to be somewhere neutral and public. It’s a safety thing and he should understand that. If he’s a decent guy he’ll take it on board.

Slamadramafamalam · 21/01/2019 07:23

Don't go because at the very least, this bloke has not taken your need to feel safe into consideration, or his for that matter. In my experience of OLD the men who want to 'go for a walk' or do anything away from other people/in public are definitely going to try and grope, touch, kiss, intimidate us. The good ones always are happy in a coffee shop with a bit of cake and chat.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 21/01/2019 07:36

Glad you're not going, his reaction to the decline will tell you what you need to know about whether he's worth meeting in public (keep your drink covered though if you do go just in case!!)

MarthasGinYard · 21/01/2019 08:06

Sashkin

Arkos · 21/01/2019 08:11

I did some daft things when I was younger including getting in a guys car for a first date... but it was a fairly small town and I knew people he knew etc.
But...i was a lot younger and didn't have any dependents. Always a public place.

Handprints2018 · 21/01/2019 08:23

My first though would be married and after a shag. Or Testing the waters for a quick shag.

Glad you aren't going. Its odd and inappropriate imo. That and picking you up from work screams desperate for a shag to me. And sadly, not trying it on before means nothing. In the world of OLD i found many men who seemed not after just a shag but then became desperate (and intrusive) Dan's on the first date.

CandleConcerto · 21/01/2019 08:35

Oh yeah of course! He’s married!

No alcohol on breath. Not too late (so he can claim he’s working late) and no one around to see the two of you together.

PandaMa · 21/01/2019 08:36

Another one saying you ANBU. Always meet in a public place and don't listen to your friend! When I was dating I met a guy in a club and exchanged numbers. The next day he asked me on a date, but the date was actually watch dvds at his house. Said I wasn't comfortable with that as we'd only known each other 5 minutes so he suggested a walk before going back to his to 'watch dvds'. I doubt he ever wanted to watch a dvd

FruitCider · 21/01/2019 10:11

OP I think your judgement is spot on. Meet in a public place, make your own way there and own way back. Also tell someone where you are going and what you are wearing. These are basic safety rules of internet dating. Your friend is very gullible 😳

Jens303 · 21/01/2019 10:17

listen to your instinct, to be safe I would suggest a public place, maybe a coffee somewhere then move on to the more romantic setting if you feel comfortable

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