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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a wierd choice.

96 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 20/01/2019 23:52

I've decided to start dating, I have a child though so it's difficult for me to get out and meet people so a friend suggested a certain dating app. I've never been a fan of them but thought I would give it a try.
Talking to a guy, same age as me. We are 28 and he asks to go for a drink the weekend just passed but I was working so we agreed to next weekend. He said if I am free during the week we could meet too but not too late and no alcohol as he has to work and drive the next morning, no problem with me. So
He chose tomorrow evening, I am free so agreed. The only thing is, is that he wants to go for a drive. I asked where and he said one of 3 places, two I have never been and one I went to years ago, one is near water and there are 3 bridges all lit up. He said we can "drive there and sit and chat"
Now I don't know if it's just because I watch too much crime documentaries/series/films but to me this suggestion is a little wierd for a first date. I feel like it would be dangerous to go. I don't know him, so gettin into a car with someone I don't know would, in my mind, be a dangerous move. My friend on the other hand thinks it's fine And that I should go. What do you think? AIBU to think it's dangerous or is my friend BU to think this is normal?
The guy seems alright, hasn't tried to hint towards sex or anything like that which is good for me as I'm not a fan of ONS, I made this clear to him too and he also agreed that that isn't what he is looking for.... I don't know, I've not dated in over 7 years so I need help

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2019 00:23

Do not go.

Public place that you know.
Make your own way to and from it.
Check in with (a sensible so not that one) friend when yo go to the loo etc.

Not sure he's necessarily a murdering psycho but let's not take the chance eh?? At the very least he's an idiog

Applesandpears23 · 21/01/2019 00:25

This suggestion shows he has bad judgment. Don’t date him at all.

Haworthia · 21/01/2019 00:25

It actually bothers me that he hasn’t given a moment’s thought to you, a woman, feeling a bit vulnerable at the idea of going for “a drive” with a man she’s only just met. He should know that you wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Is he that blind to social conventions?

MrsTommyBanks · 21/01/2019 00:26

My friends son met a guy on a dating app and went to his house.
He murdered him and his body was found dumped the next day.

MEET UPS SHOULD ALWAYS IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

StoneofDestiny · 21/01/2019 00:27

I'd pass on him completely. A ridiculous suggestion for a first date and the fact he doesn't see that would be a red flag.

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 21/01/2019 00:28

Oh heck no - you need to trust your instincts on this one! It sounds to me like he’s trying to save money but you can go out and nurse the same drink all night. Definitely needs to be somewhere public and you must have someone who knows where you are and can check in with. And that he is aware you have these safety plans in place - if he is dodgy then he will move on and pick on someone less savvy (unfortunately) and if he’s genuine he will see that this is sensible behaviour

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 21/01/2019 00:30

How could he not think this is inappropriate?

So at best he's a clueless idiot and at worst planning to assault/kill you.

Sashkin · 21/01/2019 00:32

You know literally nothing about this guy except what he’s told you (which could be a complete pack of lies, even down to the age and photos). You’d be mad to get in his car and drive off somewhere quiet with him to “look at a bridge”. BEST case scenario he just tries to rape you, I can think of far worse things he could do. And his mates, who could easily be waiting in another car by this quiet bridge.

Even if he is harmless but boring, you are trapped in a car with him until he decides he wants to take you home. If he wants to paw at you, you can’t leave. If he is an active BNP member, you can’t leave. If he wants to explain the circuitry of every train signal between Horsham and East Croydon, you can’t leave.

Pick a fucking coffee shop.

watt36 · 21/01/2019 00:32

I agree actually that it's weird he would think this is ok. I probably wouldn't meet up with someone who even suggested this.

Apileofballyhoo · 21/01/2019 00:37

I don't think you should meet him at all ever. Ever.

JamAtkins · 21/01/2019 00:38

Either he’s a rapist/murderer or he just doesn’t get how inappropriate it is to expect you to put yourself in such a vulnerable position with a stranger. This is a no win situation.

“Killer or arsehole? Find out after the break”

brizzledrizzle · 21/01/2019 00:38

I would seriously consider why you are even planning to meet him, it's a red flag to me.

HeddaGarbled · 21/01/2019 00:38

Never get in a car with a man you don’t know. A man who would suggest this for a first meeting is either dodgy as fuck or incredibly stupid and thoughtless.

You could go for a coffee, go to a pub and not drink alcohol, go to a restaurant and not drink alcohol and not stay out late.

The location of the drive is not the issue. Him suggesting a drive rather than a normal date is very concerning and the fact that you are quibbling about the location of the drive rather than the idea of the drive itself, suggests your self-protection senses need ramping up dramatically.

Mumblers · 21/01/2019 00:40

I'm a dating app pro (unfortunately lol. I think it must be my 3 heads that puts most men off?)

The nice men always say "...anywhere YOU feel comfortable". I did have 1 date offer to pick me up for our 1st date. I just said "I'm not getting into your car, I don't know you!"

Texting for however many/days weeks doesn't we 'know' the person.

Don't worry about coming across as rude either when you tell him 'No'. As I have always taught my daughters: you don't owe strangers your politeness if you're worried about your safety.

TornFromTheInside · 21/01/2019 00:47

I can see his idea, but it's not the best idea.
As others have said, it's pretty common knowledge that meeting in a safe comfortable place is a good idea, and it sets you at ease (which should make for a better atmosphere anyway).

It's a little boring, but it's easy enough to find a nice pub that's convenient for you both, and to drink soft drinks, a cup of coffee and if it's going well, maybe a bite to eat too. You're just sounding each other out really aren't you?

Plenty of time for sitting in cars and discussing the universe and everything (if that's your thing) when you're more at ease with each other.

Keep it simple, and uncomplicated.

greenlynx · 21/01/2019 00:48

No, no and no! And I wouldn’t date him at all, it’s very weird choice of place for a date.

jessstan2 · 21/01/2019 00:51

First couple of dates, meet in a public place, don't go for a long drive in his car. Please.

He's probably fine but you don't know him yet. You could find yourself not enjoying his company, wanting to go home but miles from anywhere.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/01/2019 00:53

OP - did you really need to ask? Please stay safe.

FridgeFullOfChocolate · 21/01/2019 00:58

This is a weird thing to suggest as a first date, I would not feel comfortable at all. A dark winters night in a strangers car being driven God knows where, shudder!

That said I did once go on a first date where we went for lunch and then he drove me around the landmarks in his home city (Sydney). I was in my 20s, travelling and far too trusting! When I think back with my older head on I think what an idiot, I'd only met him in a bar a few nights before and really didn't know him. The guy was lovely though and it was a fab first date, I still can't help but think I was stupid though.

Onandonandons · 21/01/2019 01:00

Yanbu. Steer clear.

Dvg · 21/01/2019 01:00

Who goes for a drive and sits in the car talking for a first date? O_o that's normally something that could just happen naturally.. not arranged, how do either of you know that conversation will be flowing and that either of you would enjoy sitting in a car just talking.

To be honest I would move on because I'm getting creep vibes and wouldn't want to risk it.

mobyduck · 21/01/2019 01:03

Don't.

Sashkin · 21/01/2019 01:06

OP if you do go this will pan out like an episode of Seinfeld. You’ll get in and close the door, he’ll lean on the windowsill and accidentally press the door lock, activating the central locking and locking you in, you’ll freak out and try to escape out the back, into the huge but fragile cream cake he carefully placed on the back seat earlier for you both to enjoy overlooking the bridge....

I am wasted as a doctor, I really am GrinGrinGrin

CheshireChat · 21/01/2019 01:14

Is it possible he's skint and didn't want to admit it?

Regardless, he's an idiot.

CSIblonde · 21/01/2019 01:17

He's either too tight to spend money on a date or it's dodgy tactics to get you somewhere isolated. Always meet in public place and tell friends about the venue: & text them when you arrive & leave.

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