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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a wierd choice.

96 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 20/01/2019 23:52

I've decided to start dating, I have a child though so it's difficult for me to get out and meet people so a friend suggested a certain dating app. I've never been a fan of them but thought I would give it a try.
Talking to a guy, same age as me. We are 28 and he asks to go for a drink the weekend just passed but I was working so we agreed to next weekend. He said if I am free during the week we could meet too but not too late and no alcohol as he has to work and drive the next morning, no problem with me. So
He chose tomorrow evening, I am free so agreed. The only thing is, is that he wants to go for a drive. I asked where and he said one of 3 places, two I have never been and one I went to years ago, one is near water and there are 3 bridges all lit up. He said we can "drive there and sit and chat"
Now I don't know if it's just because I watch too much crime documentaries/series/films but to me this suggestion is a little wierd for a first date. I feel like it would be dangerous to go. I don't know him, so gettin into a car with someone I don't know would, in my mind, be a dangerous move. My friend on the other hand thinks it's fine And that I should go. What do you think? AIBU to think it's dangerous or is my friend BU to think this is normal?
The guy seems alright, hasn't tried to hint towards sex or anything like that which is good for me as I'm not a fan of ONS, I made this clear to him too and he also agreed that that isn't what he is looking for.... I don't know, I've not dated in over 7 years so I need help

OP posts:
Jozen · 21/01/2019 01:29

SashkinGrinGrin

Another chiming in with a big no.
Very odd choice for first date on a dark, wintery evening (assuming you are in the UK).
Choose a public place and make your own way there and back.

ninalovesdragons · 21/01/2019 01:33

Please don't. Big red flag to me. Stay safe and date someone else, this is odd.

Maybe not serial killer odd but definitely not a good sign

HauntedPencil · 21/01/2019 01:35

Yeah that's really odd. At best he might be a total cheapo, what's wrong with going for a coffee?

Don't do it!

NewYearNewName111 · 21/01/2019 01:40

As a bloke I'd never suggest this! Not least because it immediately raises eyebrows/creates unease.

SusieQ5604 · 21/01/2019 01:41

No!!!!

Comenext · 21/01/2019 01:43

No, definitely not.
Stay safe.

zzzzz · 21/01/2019 01:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratcett · 21/01/2019 01:50

There's plenty of non-dodgy free places. He chose a dodgy free place. Not a man who gets it.

Sickofthispain14 · 21/01/2019 01:58

Big fat no from me too

Knittedgnome · 21/01/2019 01:58

Um. No. And tell him why. Nicely in case he is just a silly git. But don't go out with him at all.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/01/2019 01:59

No. If he's too skint to buy himself a coffee, then you can meet him in a very public area of a nearby park in the daytime.

He's either foolishly naive to think a woman should be that trusting of a virtual stranger, or he's a serial killer. OK, that last one is OTT, I know. But it doesn't sound to me as if he has much common sense.

CommanderDaisy · 21/01/2019 02:09

Nope, nope and no fucking way.
Public place, well lit , where you can either have a coffee or a drink with at least two exits.
That way you can tell a friend where you are going.
If he suggests he picks you up, say no - you don't want him knowing where you live at this stage.
He's offering three unconfirmed locations which is dodgy because you won't know where you will be going and therefore won't be able to tell a friend. What's the phone reception like in these areas? Would you be able to make an emergency call?

Dreadful idea.
PS your friend is an idiot.

captainjackandjill · 21/01/2019 02:26

Dear OP,

Definite no from me too. When considering dates think about what advice you would give to your child and apply that to yourself. You need to look after yourself too!

Be safe!

dontfluffthefluffer · 21/01/2019 03:13

Definite hard no from here. Somewhere with 3 bridges all lit up I know of is a) really quiet in the surrounding areas with few people around in the evening and b) littered with dogging sites (I found out in a most awkward way!)

If your child ever came and asked the same question to you, what would your answer be?

Please be safe, even a walk around the city/town centre would be preferable.

Original poster
SofaKingFedUp · 21/01/2019 03:17

Probably should've said my intentions were not to get in his car. I know I didn't say the words "I'm not going"bin the post, but the point of my post was to show my friend that i'm not the only person who thinks this is a dangerous situation.
I hadn't replied to the let's go for a drive text, but he had also asked to pick me up after work Saturday night, which I said nicely, no thank you as I didn't want to tell him where I worked. I also do not usually accept a lift home from dates as I don't want them to know where I live, but tbh I don't think I've been offered a lift home from a date anyway as far as I can remember.

It's good to know I'm not the only person who instantly thinks "rapist" or "murderer" in a situation like this, but I was a little surprised that my friend thought that it was fine to accept his date offer. She told me I was too paranoid and had to stop thinking everyone is a bad person, or else I'm not going to meet anyone Hmm I'll reply to him in the morning and tell himits.jot happening. I wonder what his reaction will be.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 21/01/2019 03:22

You're scaring me OP.

I have the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.
I like a good crime drama myself but only on TV! It's horrid to imagine it actually happens in real life. But it does.
sorry, I have either into your mother or you have turned into my child
Shock Shock

Knittedgnome · 21/01/2019 03:22

Your friend should read this thread! I've put myself in some daft positions with men in the past but even I wouldn't have been that stupid!!

Original poster
SofaKingFedUp · 21/01/2019 03:24

Also someone asked why I was even planning to meet him, I was planning to until he suggested this sort of date. That's when the discussion started with a friend. Also i put that last part of the post "he seems nice, hasn't suggested sex etc" because this, according to my friend, was another reason why she thought I was being over paranoid.
She just made me feel a little psycho, but I'm glad I can show her this thread and maybe she can then see that she's maybe a bit too trusting.

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 21/01/2019 03:26

Also someone asked why I was even planning to meet him, I was planning to until he suggested this sort of date

I'm relieved that you have decided not to go.

SugarfreeMe · 21/01/2019 03:37

I'm so glad you aren't going to go!
You don't know him or his intentions towards you, however his date suggestions suggest he's definitely not someone you'd want to meet up with !
Let us know how he responds when you turn him down, also block him after to stop him bothering you.

The first couple of dates should always be in public, in my opinion somewhere that you can talk & till you are sure about your date don't let them know where you live - especially as you have a child to protect.

Good luck finding a good man!

kateandme · 21/01/2019 03:44

no no no

Monty27 · 21/01/2019 03:48

@Knittedgnome me too!
I'd left home and was lonely, there's a lot of regrets, came out of it physically unscathed. But oh yes, a few tricky moments.
You have to be very astute OP.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/01/2019 04:10

Chances are it would be absolutely fine - but hell no to taking the risk. Why would you?

Grace Millane.

TheCounter · 21/01/2019 04:15

Think it's already been highlighted but afaik there's not a dating app that doesn't have guidelines that suggest meeting anyone for a first date should be in a public place where there are other people present.
Don't think a drive in a car would constitute such.
Your friends an idiot.

PregnantSea · 21/01/2019 04:15

Don't do it. Trust your instincts.

Realistically he's probably not a serial killer, but you are absolutely right to feel uncomfortable about getting into a car with someone you've never met. He should know better than to ask, too.

Just meet in a bar or a cafe or something. I used to do online dating before I got married and I always just met for a beer or a coffee in a public place for a first date.