To wonder how single parents do it!!??

[Overwhelmed12]

NC for this...I have just gone back to work full time I have 2 DC’s, my DH works away for 4 weeks at a time. He is currently halfway through. So the past two weeks I have been working all day, collecting the DC, coming home, lighting the fire, making dinner, all the usual and I am also studying in the evenings😭 I have been non stop for the whole 14 days (it was non stop before work too obvs but now it’s different I suppose) I keep thinking “ I can’t wait for DH to come home so he can make dinners, help get the DC ready for school etc!! and then it got me thinking this is what I would be doing ON MY OWN ALL THE TIME if he wasn’t around!! So I just want to say to the single parents...I bloody salute you!! It is so tough at times!!so not a AIBU I suppose...

They don't have a choice really. Organisation is key.
Meal prep one or two evenings for the rest of the week. Massively reduces evening rush.

You're right, it's very difficult. The only time I get to myself is my lunch hour at work. I love it though, wouldn't change a thing (except sleep regression - that can take a hike).

I think this esp while ds isn't sleeping and I want to die for on exhaustion!

@hidinginthenightgarden I know they don’t have a choice, I don’t have a choice either I suppose but I think they are wonderful to be honest!! I’m wrecked already 2 weeks in !

@Divgirl2 👍👍 that lunch break 🙌 and the sleep regression will soon pass!! As my mum would say “this too shall pass”!! ❤️

Thank you, OP. Working full time, working at home in evenings (teacher), running around every evening fitting in cubs, brownies, rainbows, swimming etc. Not to mention the medical issues we all have....exhausting. But I feel proud of the kids they are becoming and honestly know it's down to me and not the bell end that now never rings them and sees them for a few hours a week.

I hate we are all in the position. But we have to make the best of what life throws at us. I dream of coming out the other side and finding a rich man but make myself remember that I will miss this time in years to come.

Not having a choice helps loads my lovely. You'll find ways to be organised to make things easier- batch cooking etc is your friend! The good thing is you can be relieved that your situation is temporary. Chin up and give yourself a break- things sound tough right now

@user1471530109 🙌 you are amazing!! Fellow teacher here!! 🤗

There isn't any other option. Ex worked away on a three month rotation. When we separated I wasn't expecting it to be much different. Well it is. I've no one to bounce ideas off or be there for emotional support and financially my situation has completely changed.

But I appreciate your thoughts. Whatever life throws at you. You just get in with it.

I'm on my knees to be honest

Batch cooking is great, but I've also found that dropping my standards has helped enormously.

Not to be negative but I would add that the experience you're having isn't actually that of a single parent because you can speak to someone every day who cares as much about the kids as you do, will help you make a difficult decision about their care / mental health / development and will not use any info you give them about a problem to blame it on you being a crap parent and will (hopefully) be appreciative of what you do and both say and show that.

I do get what you mean, Im not offended or feel patronised by your post as some on here might and it is a shock to do all the practical stuff alone but add on the mental, financial and judgemental alone bit too and then you get close to what it's like. But as a pp said, we have no choice. Very few people choose this, I certainly didn't but if one parent fucks off because it's all too boring / hard / selfless then you're left with it. And it does have some upsides but I'm too knackered after a relentless and incessant weekend of dcs whinging to think of them just now! 🙄

@eve34 that must be hard 💕 I admire your strength!!

Nice to be acknowledged even on an online forum. Doctor here with no help from family. Up at 6am to get breakfast ready, shovel snow ( canada), Kidd go to school, i public transit it, come home, feed kids, homework, bath, read, bed, lunches, meal prep dinner for next day then do paperwork till I fall asleep on laptop
Rinse , repeat and Yadda yadda
But this was all self Inflicted ie I divorced and moved away so my fault really !

I think the same OP. I have an equal partner in my husband. I returned to work 2 weeks ago and have already had to take a day off owing to sick baby. We’ve all had it and it’s hideous.

I’m at the end of what I can physically and emotionally cope with. I also have great support from family.

If I didn’t have DH I’d crumble I think.

I don’t want to sound patronising but I have no idea how they cope.

@Overwhelmed12 Thank you. I am very lucky. I only work three days and have family near by. I know I am very fortunate.

Everyone has their struggles in life but you just keep moving forward. Always try to find the positive. Some days that isn't easy.

I'm a single working mum to DD who is under 1. Preparation is key. Pre planning is a religion. And A lot of it is rushing to do things you forget last minute 😂 a glass of wine from time to time is always helpful too lol

@CandyPuff 😢❤️

@HugeAckmansWife oh god I know I am not like a single parent at all as I have the suppose as you say. In a physical manner yes. But all the rest no... which only makes me realize even more what you do!! 💕

@mokapot you had your reasons that you don’t need to explain!! You did it for the best reasons I imagine!! You sound amazing 🙌🙌

“because you can speak to someone every day who cares as much about the kids as you do”

You don’t know this. You don’t know what OP’s other half does for a living. Mine generally only works away for a week at a time but kt’s Quite often. His hours are very odd though so no, he isn’t available to ask for his opinion on stuff to do with the kids whenever I need him.

One of the downsides of having a partner who does work away is that the kids miss him. They can play up. And it can be a bit irritating when you get a routine going and your DH comes home and does something different or let them away with something that you don’t normally.

These threads tend to go wrong. There is always someone who says “well at least you have x, y or z”. Every situation is different. I know some single parents who have a fab life as they are only working part time in the week through choice while their ex works extra shifts etc to pay for 2 households’ expenses and has no child free time each weekend. While she is having a fantastic child free social life every weekend, new boyfriends, doing what she wants.

Others have to work full time and their ex doesn’t want to know, or can’t have access so they have the kids 24/7 and little other family support. Now THAT is hard.

Someone who works FT but whose DH works away for 4 weeks at a time can identify with the second single-parent example far better than with the first example I gave where childfree time happens every single weekend.

Well we just have to I’m afraid. I recently became a lone parent to a toddler whose father can barely be bothered with her (Breaks my heart but that’s another story). My mental health isn’t great due to the relentlessness of it, as pp said the lack of emotional support can be really tough. On the plus side I’m now super organised- online grocery shopping, batch cooking, laundry is like a military operation, bags and clothes always sorted the night before. Key for me is to ensure everywhere is tidied and a decent level of cleanliness before I go up to bed, as I find it negatively effects my mood to come down to mess in the morning. But yeah, when you dont have a choice you just do it, you adapt and just keep on swimming.

I'm a single parent of 3, doing a full time NHS degree. It's hard going sometimes, a second income would come in handy, my house is never as tidy or as clean as I would like, of course it would be easier with another pair of hands. But I absolutely love being a single parent and I wouldn't change it. My kids are amazing resilient little people. We are a team.

One of the downsides of having a partner who does work away is that the kids miss him. They can play up. And it can be a bit irritating when you get a routine going and your DH comes home and does something different or let them away with something that you don’t normally.
@CurlyhairedAssassin 😂😂 YES my house is so much cleaner and organized when he is away!!

I've just had DC3 and I'm wondering
A- how the fuck my friend and parent of 5 does it.
B- how anyone in a flat does it (we have a huge flat and failing)
C- How any parent of 2+ gets it right

@Brendatheblenda 💕 I’m sorry I hope you know that you are doing amazingly and I agree with tidiness it has a great effect on our moods for sure!!