To wonder how single parents do it!!??

[Overwhelmed12]

NC for this...I have just gone back to work full time I have 2 DC’s, my DH works away for 4 weeks at a time. He is currently halfway through. So the past two weeks I have been working all day, collecting the DC, coming home, lighting the fire, making dinner, all the usual and I am also studying in the evenings😭 I have been non stop for the whole 14 days (it was non stop before work too obvs but now it’s different I suppose) I keep thinking “ I can’t wait for DH to come home so he can make dinners, help get the DC ready for school etc!! and then it got me thinking this is what I would be doing ON MY OWN ALL THE TIME if he wasn’t around!! So I just want to say to the single parents...I bloody salute you!! It is so tough at times!!so not a AIBU I suppose...

Oh yes, the loneliness. I don't mind this much, but I would love someone to make me a cup of tea in the eves (ex never did that either!)

@mooncuplanding I do understand what you mean the physical jobs are just that I suppose “physical” I don’t have the same mental load of worries I suppose. I do get very concerned about safety when he is away though, we live rurally and I don’t sleep very well at all when he is gone, every little noise keeps me awake in wonder? I double/triple check the doors at night, I drive myself crazy about that part , and I sleep with the light on 🙈😭

hang in there SMs with young young DC. It gets a bit easier

oh yes - when he left I had kids aged 7,5 and 4 months - now they are 10,14 and16 it's so much easier - but also way more complex - but yes it's gets easier - and then you miss the days when they needed you 24/7!

@Mummylife2018 😢 loneliness is hard! I admire your strength! Just a cup of tea in peace is bliss at times, me time is few and far between here so I hear you! 💕💕

The bigger they get, the bigger their problems get, but I 100% agree.
I was a single mum with a 4 year old and a baby. Now they are 16 and 12 I can barely recognise my life as it was back then.

I don't have an immaculate house. I'm not so good at those things. Most days I don't cook my child won't play by herself my priority is spending time with her so I just give something quick. So I'm not as good as other people. But I hope I do right by her

@purpleme12 you sound so child centered that is fantastic and that is what she will remember and treasure for sure!! 🙌❤️

jesus my exes new partner - also the OW made a comment to my kids 'is your mother not capable of cooking a meal without chips and beans' … no love I am working my ass off in children's social care and raising 3 kids while you are a SAH wife who lives of my ex's money - fuck off #alsofailing!

Just when does it get easier? my ex left 2 years ago, vanished completely. I actually think its got harder as time has gone on. When people say it gets easier is that when they are much older (teens?)

Having spoken to friends whose partners are away periodically, they seem to really find the practical side much tougher than I do because I'm completely used to dealing with my DS and I on my own. I've done it since he was born so it's second nature now, and I've juggled other things along the way. Like many have said it's the emotional load of knowing that I'm all that my DS has got, and that whatever crops up I will have to deal with it myself. My family and friends are very supportive but it's not the same.

@ghostyslovesheets...what a horrible thing to say!! She sounds like a b*h! Ignore her! Nothing wrong with beans (full of protein!!) mine had them yesterday with fishfingers! 🙌

Candy it get's different - I guess I mean they don't wake up at 6am and you get sleep and time to yourself - but you are right it is still bloody hard

she's not a bitch she just doesn't get it - she's never had a hard job and doesn't understand why my life is stressful - to be fair (despite sleeping with a man who had a new baby!) she's a good step mum to my kids and loves them - which makes their life easier

I think it’s partly psychological. When you know someone is usually there ie your dh, you miss his back up because you usually have it.

For single parents without any back up, you just crack on as you’re not exactly ‘missing out on something you’re used to’ They just don’t have it as the norm.
Also for lots of single parents they are single as a result of coming from a ‘not so positive circumstance’ so being without the ‘not so positive’ can actually be a benefit.

I dunno about it getting easier? Mine are 13 and 8 and i feel it is HARDER than when they were little. I don't even know why really. I think, I am just more exhausted now, after doing it for years

Thank you so much overwhelmed. I really hope so.

when does it get easier?

I don’t think it’s nevessarily an age of kids thing, more that your confidence grows. I’ve been a SP for 9 years, had times of hideous poverty and worry but I do know I’ll be ok now, I can do it!

My eldest is 16 and got a PT job recently and it unexpectedly overwhelmed me. I was just so unbelievably relieved that they could hold down a job and earn money. It’s just a fast food chain job but what it’s done for my emotional health is incredible. If I die tomorrow, he’ll be ok because he CAN earn his own money. Sounds ridiculous to be so overwhelmed by a 16 yo with a part time job in a burger joint....but it changed something in me 😀😀

Or maybe 8, is still little? And not in the 'easier' bracket yet?

mooncup

Mooncup mine just got a job in a hairdressers 4 hours every Sat - I can so relate!

I have no help so I think those who prefer being single probably left abusive relationships or kids go to the dads quite abit? mine are 7 6 4 and 20 months and honestly it was easier when the youngest was a new born, atleast she slept sometimes 😩

yeah Candy you have a point - mine do go to their dads a lot - I can't imagine how hard it is without a break xxx

I get a break every week too.

Candy, it’s day by day and take up every offer of help you can!

Do you remember the SP character in the Royal Family who was always asking them to look after her kids? I often felt like that, sometimes I’d have to call in favours from people when I’m stuck in traffic and not gonna make after school club in time, when I needed to take one to the drs and not the other, those everyday things that happen....well you mustn’t try and do it ALL alone. Obviously don’t take the piss, but if you have friends that you can occasionally ask for help, it makes a difference and so long as you reciprocate I don’t think people mind.

More succinctly I’m trying to say.....create a good support network if you don’t have one

I dont have one at all, family refuse to help as I “chose to have 4” and not really any friends more acquaintances. Just waiting for when they are teens to get some free time.

I'm a 24/7/365 lone parent of 3. It's been like this for just over a year due to totally unforeseeable and awful circumstances. My oldest is an adult now but still depends on me due to SN. My middle DC also has SN. It's sink or swim really, you just crack on because you have to. I'm tired most if not all of the time and I've had to stop going to a couple of hobbies that I really enjoyed as they are in the evenings and I have no one to babysit twice a week every week. I love my kids and I'm just sucking up what happened and getting on with our lives as best I can. I "only" work part time because of the two DC with SN and if anyone thinks I just spend my days relaxing at someone else's expense or judges me for that, well I'm too busy to care actually