To wonder how single parents do it!!??

[Overwhelmed12]

NC for this...I have just gone back to work full time I have 2 DC’s, my DH works away for 4 weeks at a time. He is currently halfway through. So the past two weeks I have been working all day, collecting the DC, coming home, lighting the fire, making dinner, all the usual and I am also studying in the evenings😭 I have been non stop for the whole 14 days (it was non stop before work too obvs but now it’s different I suppose) I keep thinking “ I can’t wait for DH to come home so he can make dinners, help get the DC ready for school etc!! and then it got me thinking this is what I would be doing ON MY OWN ALL THE TIME if he wasn’t around!! So I just want to say to the single parents...I bloody salute you!! It is so tough at times!!so not a AIBU I suppose...

We do it because we don't have a choice. Apart from the bit where I chose to split up with him. I don't regret that in the slightest.

What is tough is dealing with it entirely on your own, with no support, no back up, and very often your ex being very difficult/selfish. The practicalities are very, very easy, because you know no one else will step up, so you just have to get on with it. It's the lack of emotional support that is hard. And being permanently broke too, knowing that it all falls on you to provide.

And YY to @MonaChopsis

@BanginChoons well done you!!! I admire you!! 🙌

My DH works away for about a week at a time every two months. By day 4/5 I'm in hell. Single parents are heros, it's the resilience and stamina you need to be responsible for everything that gets to me. It's exhausting and overwhelming.

I parent way better on my own.
My kids know they have to muck in around the house but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

@DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS 😂😂 oh I only have 2 and I often wonder how ppl do it with 3!! Go you, you can do this!!! 👍💕

It's a shame the media and benefit bashers don't apprechiate us like you do op.

Thanks @overwhelmed12 - hope that worked, still haven’t learnt how to boldnon my phone!

It’s ok, I mean obviously not ok but you know what I mean! A lot of these previous comments ring true, I’ve just had to accept I can’t keep on top of everything so I concentrate on the things that are most important to my daughter and I and then just catch up with the rest when I have the energy! Like now, every time I look out at the back garden it gets me down at the moment, but I can’t get out there to sort it with her dangling from my legs, so I just have to convince myself I’m going for the wildlife garden look this year!

Thanks for thinking of us op.

I just try my best everyday to try and do it all and reminder myself i can only do my best.

Personally I love spending proper relaxing quality time with my kids without ex. He was the hardest work!

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea I never thought of the exes causing trouble on top of it all!! That must be tough! You sound like you are doing great!!

@NC4Now 🙌💕

Thank you op.
For me it’s hardwork but it’s nowhere near as much hard work as it was to be doing everything for me, my 3 kids (one of which is disabled) and doing everything for my abusive ex too as he was more of a hindrance than a help . So that helps me

The majority of single parents I know weren’t in a relationship that was a ‘team’ to start off with and once the ex is out of the picture it’s hard but better in some ways because as at least you don’t have all the abuse / affairs / man child behvaiour you had in a relationship.

I work full time, and thankfully have an angel of a childminder because otherwise I’d be screwed I live 100 miles from my nearest family member.

@Bennyismydog 💕💕 I admire your strength your children are very lucky!!

@Senioritafamiglia 🙌 yes it’s all about making the time we have special! Isn’t it funny how grown men can be more work than children at times 😂🙄

Actually, I have to say it was much harder when they were little. I’ve got boys and I’ve tried to raise them right.
Due to our circumstances they’ve been cleaning, ironing, cooking etc since they’ve been old enough to chip in. It’s how we get by.
I’m hoping their future wives will thank me!

Exactly Benny

@NC4Now 🙌🙌 they sound like smashing young men!! Any lady would be delighted I think!! Well done you!!💕

@overwhelmedbuthappy thank you 😊

I am very proud of them —and myself—

I do find these posts really patronising tbh.

Im a lone parent to 4. Ex is totally absent. I do it because I have no other choice. I have no family help either. Whats the alternative?

I like being a single parent in terms of the tasks that you describe....that’s the ‘easy’bit

The thing that gets you over time is the sole responsibility for things that are made slightly easier if there’s 2 of you.....money being the main one. I remain constantly terrified that I might lose my job because there is no back up....I’ve just got to provide everything.

Then, things like safety....I actually very rarely allow myself to go into this thinking, but I worry how I’d protect them if there is a break in. I do things considered ‘stupid’ like leaving my car keys downstairs with a “just take it attitude’

The cooking dinner bit and washing is fine to me when I think about the alone part of financial security and physical safety

Batch cook. Have very large freezers. Strict house rules. Everyone has to clean up. I'm lucky my kids are lovely, and never any problem behaviour. My ex was and is a dick. My life improved immensely after he left, so nothing seems as bad as that.

I was one of those women putting up with an unsupportive, financially abusive, unhelpful husband. I'd read on here "why do these women put up with it?".... and I would try to tell myself it wasn't that bad.

Well, I got out (Go me! I am still suprised, nearly 2 years later!). And being a single parent is honestly no different whatsoever to when I was with him. He didn't ever help (in fact, he created extra work), he never got up in the night, he never shared the mental load, he never ever did any chores at all, never sorted childcare. His life came first, and we had to fit in.

I work Mon - Fri, the children have before and after school clubs, but we manage and I much prefer my life now.

I am incredibly lucky that I have the most amazing parents who have supported me (and still do) emotionally and financially. I don't know what I would have done without them.

@CandyCreeper I’m sorry you feel that way 😢 that is not how I intended on it coming across at all.

@Brownpigeon 🙌💕💕

Doing it alone is easier than it was doing it with him.

Not sunshine and roses but we are content

in many ways it's easier than your situation (except for the loss of one wage!) as my ex has mine 3 nights a week including 24hrs every weekend - so I get way more breaks than you

also get weeks off when they go on holiday - so lots of me time

but yes organisation is the key - I have to be on top of their lives (parents evenings, meetings, spots events etc) and mine (working late, working additional days etc) it's great fun though - no conflict and a bed to myself!

I'm fine with the parenting (despite my disabilities), it's the loneliness that gets me :( Also the lack of alone time/free time. That's a killer

It is nice when other mums get how it's more challenging. I used to feel upset when people didn't understand why I wasn't working. I couldn't have earned enough to have earned childcare for two so I was financially backed in to a corner where I was that much-maligned creature, a single mum on benefits. Not any more but it was never my choice to be in that situation. My x continued to work, date, live well...........

Single mums don't have it easy.

hang in there SMs with young young DC. It gets a bit easier.