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Original poster

To ask what motivates women toward affairs with married men

86 replies

linda30 · 20/01/2019 15:50

Let's be honest - it is not difficult for women to get sexual thrills, if you are feeling frisky it is as easy as swipping right on Tinder or going out. Married men are often not in top-shape and it'd be hard to reason they offer security. If you want to be cynical - financially, there can't be much gain either (existing commitments.) What is the attraction? I have to say I never really understood what is in it for the ladies.

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/01/2019 12:24

Some people dont want the encumberance of emotional attachment. It's far easier to control a married man, the threat is always therethat you can turn him in to his wife if he misbehaves. It's no strings sex.

On the otherhand, married men, older, more successful, established; it is an inate sense of genetic preservation to pick the best available to father children, so pick the Alpha Male.

nofoodonthesofa · 22/01/2019 10:24

I'm seeing a married man. I don't have low self esteem. Neither am I a slut or want an emotionally unavailable relationship.
I'm the last person on earth I thought this would happen to.
Never in a million years.

Whisky2014 · 22/01/2019 10:28

For me, I just really liked him. He made me laugh alot, he was good at his job and it impressed me.
We had fun together. When I told him i liked him he told me he wouldn't leave his wife. Then we broke up for Xmas and when we went back to work 2 weeks later he messaged and said he couldn't stop thinking about what I said and that was the start.
It only lasted 4 months.

Dimsumlosesum · 22/01/2019 10:30

Because some people have extremely low self esteem and just want to desperately believe they are wanted/"loved".

MistressDeeCee · 23/01/2019 16:48

Most of these explanations are based on cod psychology, and what people hope the reason is.

There are some people who want the ease of no commitment being required of them, they want the good times and sex, and couldn't care less if the person is married as it's all about what they want.

What about partners who turn a blind eye to cheating for years as they don't want change, can't be asked with upheaval, and don't care that husband is having sex out there because, they don't want it with him. But the home and financial security is ok.

Just saying.. different folks different strokes you just never know. I doubt low self-esteem is the go-to driving factor. Human nature can be selfish very easily.

BaconPringles · 23/01/2019 16:51

I'm the last person on earth I thought this would happen to.
Never in a million years

This is almost a victim like statement. I’m intrigued. Why would you put yourself up for a home wrecker award?

Sparklesocks · 23/01/2019 16:53

I think a lot of the time it comes down to self validation.

But when people have affairs like that I think most of the blame falls to married/attached person, rather than the single person.

secondarymincepie · 23/01/2019 16:56

This reply has been deleted

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supersop60 · 23/01/2019 16:57

I didn't know he was married. For months it was a 'normal' relationship.
I fell in love.
We ended up living together for 9 years, but he would never divorce his W.
I realised eventually that he was weak. A lovely, charming, funny, considerate man. But weak and a commitment-phobe.
Since me he has had 3 longish term girlfriends and got engaged to all of them, but never married them. (he did get divorced eventually)

Whisky2014 · 23/01/2019 17:00

Spectacularly low self esteem and a misogynistic dislike of other women, to answer your question in a nutshell. which is a load of shit!

chillpizza · 23/01/2019 17:01

People who knowingly get involved with someone who already has a partner lack a moral compass.

Yes it’s the partner in the wrong mostly but morally the person they are cheating with is broke with a complete lack of standards and self respect.

Who wants to be someone’s bit on the side, dirty secret. Whispering they love you but hiding you away. Reminds me of teenagers going on about sloppy seconds Envy not envy.

kw1091 · 23/01/2019 17:02

I didn’t know he was married. He used to come to the pub I worked at, we got on like a house on fire. We dated for a little while, slept together a handful of times. It wasn’t until we were all at the pub one night and his friend said “you two look great together, shame about the wife eh?!” I was gutted. More than anything I felt massively guilty, but I honestly I had no idea. I called things off there and then.

ChocolateStash · 23/01/2019 17:03

Married men are often not in top-shape Hmm

Goady much? Not all men cheat.

Whisky2014 · 23/01/2019 17:03

But you dont think about the other person. I didn't anyway. You think of you and him and have fun together.

emilybrontescorsett · 23/01/2019 17:05

I think some women believe the man is genuinely unhappy/only staying for the kids blah blah blah.
Some don't want the commitment of a single man.
Some like the excitement and the thrill.
Some don't want to become the wife as they fear they will be treated the same way.
Some are attracted to a man and push the thought that he is married to the back of their mind.
Some will feel down do it because he has proved he is fertile and can support a family and provide a good lifestyle.
Some don't even know themselves why.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 23/01/2019 17:05

Pure physical attraction ...lust..whatever you like to call it...the rights and wrongs rarely come into play in the beginning....from both sides equally.

WTBE · 23/01/2019 17:06

From my limited knowledge it ranges from
-Wife is horrible
-They sleep in separate rooms together for the kids
-She will take half of his stuff, refer back to my first point
-I can't help who I fall for
-Ego boost
-Boredom
-Low self esteem

Hopefully I'm never in the unsespecting wife position, it ruins lives especially when children are involved.

TheSandman · 23/01/2019 17:09

I'm a married man. Just want to point out we're not all sex-obsessed manipulative arseholes. Some of us are stay at home dads, caring, sharing, deeply sensitive individuals.

My phone number is....

DanglyBangly · 23/01/2019 17:10

Not me but a close friend. I’d say she had low self-esteem and had not had much luck in relationships. Mostly coz she went for twats who were full of themselves.

I also think there was a definite element of point-scoring/winning against another woman. I guess that’s also about self-esteem.

gentlyscented · 23/01/2019 17:12

Because their cheap and nasty 🤢

DanglyBangly · 23/01/2019 17:13

I'm the last person on earth I thought this would happen to.

It’s not happened to you. You’ve done it to yourself.

BlancheM · 23/01/2019 17:16

Which is a load of shit

No it isn't :)

PinguDance · 23/01/2019 17:17

If I man is willing to have an affair it’s quite easy to extrapolate from that that his marriage is in poor shape - why wouldn’t you believe a man who tells you he is in a an unhappy marriage when he is literally cheating on his wife.

Lisalouisa · 23/01/2019 17:18

Psychologically woman are more attractived to a taken man. After all there must be a reason they are taken.

Plus men will, in general, lower their standards for woman they aren’t interested in having a commitment with.

WTBE · 23/01/2019 17:24

Because pingu he then goes home to that wife that he is cheating on, instead of literally getting a divorce?

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