Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end it all after one lie...

74 replies

MrsAckles1991 · 19/01/2019 23:11

My boyfriend of 16 months has lied to me, over something small in the grand scheme of life, but still a lie and involving money...

Because of pretty shitty circumstances in my fairly recent past, I have told him from day one that I can deal with a lot, as long as he is honest with me.

To be clear, he got “found out” - He did not volunteer the truth and when asked why he lied, I get “I don’t know”. No explanation, no genuine apology - Just a lot of sulking and shrugging and feeling sorry for himself.

It was only 16 months, I know it wasn’t long, but he meant everything to me.

I have done right, haven’t I?

OP posts:
Bostin · 19/01/2019 23:16

Need to know the lie to judge OP.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/01/2019 23:18

did he borrow 50p from your purse or shag your best friend?

Sparklesocks · 19/01/2019 23:20

I’m sorry but it’s hard to say without knowing more about the context of the lie

GroggyLegs · 19/01/2019 23:21

You set your own boundaries.

You need to decide if the size of the lie makes a difference, or if its zero tolerance (which might prove tricky in the long run)

Original poster
MrsAckles1991 · 19/01/2019 23:21

We’re saving for our own place and he’s always been a bit too vague about his income/outgoings. He bought a new car last year, told me he was paying his DF back a few hundred per month. Found out, it was a gift, he can not account for where the hundreds have been going every month.

He “used to” smoke weed. I have my suspicions the money is going on that.

I am 27, he is 31. We see each other once or twice a week because he’s too tired from work most nights.

I’ve had my doubts for a while but he’s always told me I can trust him.

Something just clicked in me today and I realised; I don’t trust him.

OP posts:
BirdieInTheHand · 19/01/2019 23:21

Difficult to say without knowing the lie

thewinkingprawn · 19/01/2019 23:21

Definitely depends - lie? Fib?

Standandwait · 19/01/2019 23:23

My first LTB!
Go while it's easy.

Strongmummy · 19/01/2019 23:25

Sounds like a bit of a waster. I’d LTB

BeanTownNancy · 19/01/2019 23:26

That's not a small lie. I'd dump him.

Original poster
MrsAckles1991 · 19/01/2019 23:27

Standandwait That is true, at least it’s now before buying a house/marriage/kids, etc.

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 19/01/2019 23:28

I think you made the right call. It wasn't a white lie or something small or insignificant. He was deliberately misleading you about something that relates to your shared future and you can't trust him.

It's tough OP but in a years time you'll thank yourself for getting out before you have a place together and other joint commitments.

Nicknacky · 19/01/2019 23:28

You only see each other once or twice a week?! You don’t see each other enough to know you want to live together.

MrsTommyBanks · 19/01/2019 23:28

That's a HUGE lie. Dump and run.

MyNewBearTotoro · 19/01/2019 23:29

That’s a reasonably big lie and would make him untrustworthy in my eyes. There’s no way I’d want to do anything serious like but property, get married or have children with a man I couldn’t trust to be honest about money.

You’ve done the right thing to leave him.

MumW · 19/01/2019 23:30

I don't think that is "something small in the grand scheme of life".

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Sorry this has happened, but it was better to find out before you became financial commited/married. Flowers

WatchingFromTheWings · 19/01/2019 23:32

That's a massive lie! If he's lying about money now it'll likely to get worse.

Grace212 · 19/01/2019 23:34

that's a massive lie!

I know someone who put in an offer on a house with her boyfriend. She already owned her own flat, he rented.

after the offer was accepted, he said that actually he didn't have any deposit money and she needed to cover the lot. This after a couple of years of "saving for their own place".

get rid. Sorry Flowers

Grace212 · 19/01/2019 23:35

btw OP when you say you can deal with a lot, what do you mean? No one should deal with a lot of crap just to have a relationship.

Aspergallus · 19/01/2019 23:36

Huge lie. Get out. Just doesn’t sound like you are in the same place.

Ask yourself, would I put my life savings and trust in this person as a business partner? I’m guessing the answer is no. But the stakes are much higher with marriage and children...

TheBhagwan · 19/01/2019 23:36

I’m sorry OP. It’s hell to end a relationship when you had such high hopes. But you clearly know the right answer here.

Bostin · 19/01/2019 23:37

That’s a whopper. Sorry OP. Dealbreaker

MamaLovesMango · 19/01/2019 23:39

Nope, nope, nope.

You’re spot on here OP.

LightTripper · 19/01/2019 23:40

A friend of mine left her partner in very similar circumstances years ago. Ended up getting married to a friend who helped her through the break up but who she had never seen in that light before.

It's not even the lie exactly so much as the lack of support and common goals and values. You are still young and you have time to find somebody who will work with you and cherish you. Don't settle for less.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 19/01/2019 23:40

That's a major lie and would be a dealbreaker for me: he was lying so he could have several hundred more a month to spend on himself while claiming he was saving up just as you were toward a mutual goal.

Run.