Hysterical and aggressive 9yo plz help

[Senioritafamiglia]

Please can anyone offer advice.

My ds slept badly last night and had to be up early this morning for sports. He was clearly overtired. The meltdown he had this morning and then again this evening involved the following:

Screaming repeatedly at the top of his voice
Hitting me repeatedly
Jumping on my back
Screaming that I was a stupid woman and horrible parent repeatedly
Throwing his belongings around the room
Threatening to run away

Apart from tiredness there was no reason for this outburst. I tried to remain calm and to protect his sister while also keeping him safe.

Im surprised to find that my main emotion now he is quiet and possibly asleep is one of resignation that I can't stop him from doing this (this is probably the 4th time in 4 months he has been this bad), anger that he should behave so violently towards me, then with the absolute certainty that I won't forgive it or allow it in my home once he is 18, should it continue.

I have been in touch with Camhs for support previously, he doesn't remotely meet threshold I've been told and I have a private avenue for counselling and support I'm in the process of getting him.

What I think in my heart of hearts is that I am headed for the rockiest teen age years with a child who is effectively abusing me. I am clearly a completely ineffectual parent and I am totally ashamed.

I'm thinking NVR and counselling really are the only options

He ate a good dinner did lots of exercise (long scoot home from memorial) and is now quiet in bed having cleared up match attax in time for bed.

I guess this is what lulls me into not taking proper action.

Yes I have a tendency to catastrophise and yes his dad is aggressive hence why I am not with him

Yes I have a tendency to catastrophise and yes his dad is aggressive hence why I am not with him

Exercise
Eating well
Counselling- for him to unpick issues around his dad. For you to work out how not to catastrophise.

You’re doing good, OP.

Thanks smile . I am trying . It's fucking hard at times!

I asked what his dad was like because I wondered if you were projecting a little ie seeing him through the eyes which you see his dad.

Some of it will be standard cheek - best of which to just ignore. Do you expect him to be fully compliant, meek and mild at all times? Is there any room for the odd bit of a joke and cheek? Have you given him any responsibility- not chores - but responsibility for things? Eg my ds loves making his own pancakes (he’s 9) and other things which gives him confidence and makes him nicer to be around.

There comes transitions as they get older and you have to let them expand their wings a bit. That will mean bumpy times but it’s normal.