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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people treat you differently because you rent

164 replies

festigirl14 · 19/01/2019 12:38

I rent- i’d rather own a house but circumstances/costs have prevented it so far. I have a professional career, earn a good salary, my kids are well rounded, we are normal people.
But people are SO snotty about it- there’s an underlying ‘you aren’t as good as us/ you aren’t a full member of society’ attitude that I find really weird. Maybe I am more sensitive but I have had people treat me with pity over it- like there is something wrong with me. ‘Poor you, paying dead miney’ Etc. That I have failed in the ladder of life. I don’t have family money to help out & I am priced out. It’s as simple as that.
Aibu? Does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
Original poster
festigirl14 · 19/01/2019 12:39

*money

OP posts:
JaiNotJay · 19/01/2019 12:42

I've rented for nearly 20 years in three different cities and have never found this. The only person who ever comments on the fact that I don't own a property is my mum, but that's a whole other thread!

huggybear · 19/01/2019 12:42

They just have different priorities to you. Don't worry about it.

halfwitpicker · 19/01/2019 12:44

Yeah, I've found this. People assume I rent, then treat me differently when they find out I'm a homeowner. Not sure why it makes a difference?

HowardSpring · 19/01/2019 12:44

Depends on the people you associate with and your age I think.

Renting can be a good option but mostly we focus on the negative side of things. It props up the banks and businesses associated with home-owning to push it as the be all and end all of life.

hopscotchz · 19/01/2019 12:46

I get the same! I sometimes feel a bit "ashamed" to say we are renting. We work and live in London, very good salaries, have a comfortable life, but we cannot afford to save for a deposit and we don't have wealthy parents to lend us money. It pisses me off that when earning almost 100k between us we can't afford a house, we can't save as we have childcare and even if we try it would take us years to get enough for a deposit, we are almost 40 so what's the bloody point 😞 also, I feel like everyone around us own a house but us! And when I ask, all of them for money from they parents!

CrabbyPatty · 19/01/2019 12:46

I rented for years and I do feel some of this is probably your own insecurities manifesting BUT I do hate judgemental comments about my finances. I have had 'why don't you have any savings?' - I moved out young and never had any financial support. Yes I overspent when I was younger but I've always been self sufficient and was single for years. A lot of people making comments take for granted the financial help they get (I do own a home now but my MIL paid a significant amount of the deposit). Even if they didn't get literal deposit money they may have lived at home rent free or had other opportunities. And having a partner is significantly cheaper e.g. sharing bills and food costs. If you can save prioritise this - I get a lot if tips from Money Saving Expert but if it's not possible you're not alone, times have changed.

CrabbyPatty · 19/01/2019 12:48

Oh and I live in the North West! I couldn't imagine earning 100k!! I'd be loaded up here! :)

Original poster
festigirl14 · 19/01/2019 12:50

@hopscotz we are exactly the same- large household income but we can’t save. I’m older than you too and in my 40’s! All of my friends had big deposits too - we don’t have that option!

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 19/01/2019 12:51

I think you're probably projecting your own feelings of frustration about renting. I rent and I never feel that people treat me differently because of it. However, I do sometimes feel a bit like I have nothing to add when people are talking about home improvement, their new kitchen/ bathroom, etc.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 19/01/2019 12:51

My parents paid nearly half of our deposit. It makes me feel guilty but I'm also just glad to have a home. It's extortionate to rent where we are.

I feel as though my sibling has only started showing an interest in me now that I'm on the property ladder, my sib has grandiose ideals and has looked down on me from their ivory tower for a few years now.

Makes me feel awkward. It's just a home.

GreenDinosaur · 19/01/2019 12:52

Some people are just judgy twats, they'd find something else to judge you about I'm sure.
At least if you rent, your house should be in a decent state of repair. We own but it's tiny and dilapidated, we have been doing it up but it's a slog it feels like a losing battle sometimes. The damp and the woodworm is getting ridiculous, I'd love to just give up tbh but I know I'm very lucky to own anything.

Rulesrulesrules · 19/01/2019 12:54

Not really anybody’s business, how would they know you rent unless you tell them? I rent but I also own a property in another country so i do both. I don’t see the big deal to be honest

StarlightIntheNight · 19/01/2019 12:54

Not really, half the people I know rent and half own. We had to rent for years...but eventually bought. One of my dh friends once made a comment about how crazy we are not to buy and how rent money is such a waste...we pointed out that if we could buy, we would! However, a year later we had luck on our side and we were able to buy a very nice house in a very good location - but with the help of my parents. Most everyone I know had to have help in order to buy, but we also live in London, where houses are crazy expensive. As is rent, so impossible to save enough on your own when paying crazy rent.

Sparklesocks · 19/01/2019 12:54

I think it depends on the circles you mix in, but renting is more widespread now than ever so I think that attitude is changing.

I do feel a bit 🧐 on here if someone is talking about a neighbor and says ‘I own, they rent’, it sometimes isn’t relevant to the issue suggests maybe a bit of snobbery.

Racecardriver · 19/01/2019 12:55

Never had this. Never had people ask actually.

SaveKevin · 19/01/2019 12:59

YES!
This is so true, I was parking at my friends house and ended up in a row with one of her neighbours as they muttered “the renters only get one space”. My friend had notes left on her car previously about it.
So I did point out to the neighbour that actually in her tenancy she was allowed two cars.
I’ve heard it about me as well “ohh they only rent”
Yep I might only rent but it’s still my home and my village. It’s no wonder a sense of community is fading fast

hopscotchz · 19/01/2019 13:00

@festigirl14 it's frustrating isn't it? but my husband tries to bit more positive: our flat is very very nice, close to work and a good school, we are now prioritising holidays and family experiences and saving for our son so he's not in the same position as us hopefully!
I'm not from England and I found that here is like a goal to own a house!
Others may be right and I'm projecting my own insecurities, but it is what it is! Maybe we should buy a lottery ticket tonight Grin

isseywithcats · 19/01/2019 13:00

No we rent at the moment due to my OH trying to sort out his divorce and settlement on their property and not one of our friends would look down on us because of it, lots of my friends rent some privately some housing association, equally lots of my friends own their own houses if you dont tell people you rent how would they even know,

Tartsamazeballs · 19/01/2019 13:01

It totally exists. We've just bought a house which gives us total imposter syndrome to live in, it's big and a bit posh. We look young to have a family and generally look a bit scruffy I guess, we don't really fit in. One of the new neighbours caught me loading the kids in the car and was making conversation. He asked where the old owner was and when we moved in, then suddenly said "renting of course, I assume" in this really weird, judgy tone. I was like "no, we bought it" and he fell over himself apologising. Was so weird. What really pissed me off is that to rent this house would be at least double our mortgage so why the fuck would you treat a renter like scum?

Original poster
festigirl14 · 19/01/2019 13:02

@hopscotz that’s exactly what I do- focus on experiences etc! We live in a nice area, close to school & my job so it’s all ok really. I get tired of the attitudes though as I do get people lording it over me quite regularly!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/01/2019 13:03

I don't understand why you can't save on a six figure salary. You should rent the smallest property you can live in and save the rest. Is there a back story which means you've higher costs to shoulder?

hopscotchz · 19/01/2019 13:06

@Tartsamazeballs what a twat of a neighbour! And you are right, people don't get that our rent is way more than a mortgage!

For the people asking how they know, we live in a new development that is only for rent so they do know when we tell them where we live
To be fair, my closest friends who own are not twats about it, is the random people

Original poster
festigirl14 · 19/01/2019 13:06

@bluntness because people’s lives are complicated & this is exactly the sort of comment that my post is about. We can’t actually get a mortgage because my DP is self employed etc etc. When you are paying childcare (mine was £1000 a month when my kids were young) it’s impossible. House prices also rose faster than we could keep up with.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 19/01/2019 13:07

I remember my friends lording it over me when they bought houses, like they were suddenly “better” than me (despite the only difference being that they had been gifted deposits by family). We own a home now but it doesn’t make me different or better, but I think people who had deposits handed to them on a plate maybe haven’t experienced the other side so can be clueless.

I have friends who own outright, friends who private rent, friends who rent through housing association. It doesn’t affect how I feel about them in the slightest!