I'm exhausted.

[EvadneRhodes]

Have you ever been so exhausted that you can't think straight? You walk in to one room and forget why you're there. You leave your bra on in the shower by accident. You get so tired that you feel physically sick.

I'm breast feeding a 12 week old. He's up all night and sleeps erratically in the day. DH works stupidly long hours and whilst he does what he can, he can't breast feed and I can't stand the thought of him driving all day whilst exhausted.

I'm so tired.

Does it get better?

I have no friends and family here. Considering hiring a babysitter for the day whilst I sleep. I know I won't though.

This is the first time in my life I've cried through exhaustion. DS just had his jabs, DH is at work. I'm at breaking point... :(

It does and it will get better.

Invite friends or family over as much as you need/can to let you go sleep when you're not feeding.

I was about to say "yes, when DS was 4 months old".

I was ill with exhaustion. I wasn't safe to drive and id cry simply because I was so tired.

It did get better, took a while though.

Gawd yeh! Get the babysitter for some days here and there if you can afford it! Why not? You’ll be snoozing away, catching up on much needed rest whilst your baby has fun in the next room. Win win!

He's just had his vaccinations. I know I need to set alarms through the night to give him his calpol. He has a fever and I feel like I'm not going to wake up I'm that tired! Feel like a crappy mum.

It gets better I promise! The time between the feeds gets longer and so the rest does too. Is DH around at the weekends? Could he look after the baby for a while you get some rest. My husband worked long hours too but we got into a pattern that I would express a feed then go to bed early. He would feed the baby before coming to bed later on then I would take over from the next wake up. Still not great but it gave me a few hours solid sleep every night and allowed him some bonding time without him loosing out on sleep too. On the short term is there a friend or family member that could stay with you a couple of nights or you with them? Get you some immediate time for a rest?

Second getting the babysitter.
And can your mum come to stay for a week or so to give you a chance to get some sleep?

I’m only three weeks in with my newborn but shattered already.

One thing I’ve been doing is expressing when I can do that DH can take over from me at about 5am and do a feed if need be. This just gives me a couple of hours to go and sleep in the other room without the baby disturbing me. It helps me get through the wee small hours if I know there is some sleep at the end of it. DH goes to bed a bit earlier so he can wake up ok at 5. I think you really do need your OH to share the load a bit, despite his working hours. Or yes, babysitter!

It really does get better. I wouldn’t ever set an alarm for calpol. Just give some if and when he wakes to feed. You need a sleep love - maybe leave a bottle over the weekend so you can sleep. Only problem is you’ll be uncomfortably milky! Honestly, it improves. Sleep every opportunity you can. Eat all the biscuits. xxx

Yep 4 kids lone parent (ex is absent) havent had a break in 2 years. yep im exhausted. Get the baby sitter if you (not something i would do personally) but if you want to why not?

@greenflamingo I feel like I need to, he's in a lot of distress and I know if it was me I would want anything I could get to get my temp down :( maybe I'm being over cautious but I guess that's just my anxiety taking over.

Agree with pp. I don't think I'd wake a sleeping baby to give him Calpol. The sleep's probably better for him. If you're worried about this ask 111 - that's what they're there for.

I've never heard of setting alarms in the night to give Calpol after jabs. You just give it if you think he is in pain or has a fever. He may not. And if you give unnecessary paracetamol just for a schedule that's bad for them.

So don't bother doing that. Maybe just give one dose at bedtime if you are worried.

I wad that tired when dd (dc1) was a baby. She had a heart problem and when I say she was up all night feeding I mean ALL night - she would need a feed again after the length of time it took to wean her as breathing took all her calories. She would only sleep when being pushed in the pram in the day - so I only got to sleep if DM or ex MIL (yes I divorced the guy who left me to cope with that alone but only after dc2) was there to push her.

I have massive gaps in my memory of that time. Exhaustion is totally horrific. You have my sympathy. But you will get past it I promise.

I’ve never woken a sleeping baby for calpol, I always just gave them some right before the jabs and then every 4 hours or whatever it says until they settled for bed. I’d just make sure they weren’t too hot in their bed and let them sleep it off.

Ok, fair enough. I was just worried because his temp is up even though he's had calpol so thought it might go even higher once it wears off.

Hard knowing what's right and wrong.

Don't wake for calpol as others have said.

I'm currently up for around the 7th time with my 14 month old. Sorry hope that doesn't make you feel worse but just letting you know it's totally normal and unfortunately sleep deprivation is very common,

I was going to start a thread on here but doubt even wise mumsnetters could help with my demon baby 😂

Just spoken to a medical professional and they've said if his temperature is up, especially after calpol has already been given then I need to wake for calpol. He said it's important to keep his temperature down all the time, not just during the day. Going to go with what he said, but thanks a lot for the advice nonetheless. You're all braver than me, I feel completely useless and emotional/stressed.

Yes I’m december and I self medicated with red bull which I wouldn’t recommend

@Bellasorellaa if I wasn't breastfeeding I might consider it. I have some zopiclone in my cupboard from an operation I had. I hated it so never used it. It's tempting now!!

If you’ve taken his temp using a reliable thermometer and it’s still raised despite the calpol I’d be waking to check temp then administer calpol again.

It definitely gets better. I’ve got a 13 week old at the moment, but she’s my third and it’s so much easier for me now because I know this phase ends. My first was a nightmare but I’ve gone back again twice, because you forget the hellish night wakings and focus on the joy a new little person brings. You’ll get through this OP, it really doesn’t last forever.

OP- dd2 (19mo) has never slept well and she currently has croup so we are all trying to nap between bouts of coughing. I keep telling myself it’s a phase and she’ll have to move out of my bed at some point. I completely empathise with you- It’s not a fun place to be in and there’s always a smart arse who will tell you to throw a rusk in their bottle or that ebf babies never sleep well. You have this, you’re doing really well and your baby will at some point gather that nights are for sleep xx

I remember this well and I promise it does get better. I was in tears for pretty much the first few months and like a walking zombie.

I'm in a similar position (no family or friends nearby to help and a partner that works long hours on the road so he can't risk being overtired)

When my son had his injections I did set my alarm overnight when the calpol was due to wear off so I could check his temperature as I was worried that it would rise again while I was asleep so I understand why you would want to do the same for peace of mind. Incidentally I made sure that the next lot of injections where done in the morning to avoid this.

My little one is 8 months now and still EBF although doing well with weaning. He still wakes a few times in the night for a feed but it is definitely a lot more manageable now and I am getting longer blocks of sleep.

Lots of good advice already and if you have the option to hire someone in to mind the baby for a few hours so you can rest go for it!

A few things I found helpful (some of which have already been mentioned):
Expressing so my husband could do the evening or early morning feed
On his days off my husband would mind the baby while I stayed in bed and he would bring the baby in for feeds also did the same while I had a bath so I could relax for a bit
Make sure you have plenty of water and lots of snack bars handy to replace your energy after feeds as it is literally draining!
Eating well in general is important but when you are tired cooking is the last thing you want to do so I ordered in food a lot! Sometimes a greasy burger and fries with a milkshake were a little bit of heaven in my daze of exhaustion!
Also make sure you are taking breastfeeding vitamins as any deficiency will also make you even more tired.

Sorry for the long reply hope some of it helps.

You are doing so well keeping your son fed and happy. It's a hard slog at the minute but accept any help you can and know that it will get better. Well done mummy xx

I have a 15 day old newborn and am extremely tired too and am also breastfeeding. For me, pumping so far has saved my sanity, as has knowing it's okay to cry. I don't sleep when baby sleeps, but I do have rests when he sleeps. Pumping has helped tremendously. I pump every morning and evening, a bottle out of each boob, and pop them in the fridge. Then DP when he's home can pick up feeds, or when I'm too tired to wrangle our baby onto my boob. I seriously recommend trying it, also helps your nipples! And it's still breastmilk. Do you have any family that can come over to do a few hours of looking after your lo? Especially if you have expressed milk you can get a good sleep. Also don't be afraid to write off mornings to being in bed sleeping, and use afternoons to get anything you need doing done. You're still a parent when you sleep! I hope this helps and you get some sleep!

No zopiclone when breastfeeding unfortunately. Eat instead. Sleep when you can. It’s the weekend is DH off work?

OP clearly said she has no friends or family who could come over. I think she would've had them over before now if it was an option!

Does he have a dummy? I know you might feel it'll mess up his latch but tbh I'd prioritise the potential of settling him and getting some sleep.

I felt the same with dc1. I sat up feeding her all night for weeks just for her to puke it back up . I ended up moving onto FF to save my sanity.

I’m awake with my ebf 9-month old. It’s exhausting. Honestly, if you’ve just got 1 baby, sleep when the baby sleeps (in the day, too).

First time round, my DH did the night shift for me on Fridays and Saturdays (with pumped milk). Also, I hired a babysitter (no family help), so I got some mornings “off” once or twice during the week to rest/read/watch films/bath alone.

This time round, I’ve got a 3-year old, too, so there’s barely any chance of respite and I haven’t got into a pumping routine, so haven’t yet had a night off!! It’s helps to sometimes co-sleep. Also, my body is used to barely sleeping now.

My first baby woke up every 2-3 hours for 15 months (which is when I stopped ebf) and now she sleeps 13 hours straight. Keep going, it will get better!